|
|
"I decided it was time for a drastic change or I would end up dead."
Since birth, and all my growing up years I was a victim of mental, verbal, and physical abuse at the hand of my mother. Many events left me deeply scarred, and I ended up going right into an abusive alcoholic marriage which lasted almost 20 years. I ended it in divorce. and immediately got into yet another situation the same year. I ended that one after a year and a half.
After only a year, I entered into another relationship with a recovering alcoholic, whom also suffered serious mental illness and I found myself living in a serious possible murder/suicide situation. Walking on egg shells. this relationship ended after 2 years when I found him hanging dead.
I guess it all caught up to me, and I ended up in a bad state, and was diagnosed with PTSD (post trauma stress disorder) and was hospitalized for 7 weeks, and was started on Paxil...20mg, Xanax, and Imovane.
I had a long history usage of Ativan for anxiety but always was cautious and used only as I needed it. The Paxil helped me for a while, I thought, as I came up out of the black pit of the secondary depression. Eventually the dosage was boosted until I was at 50mg per day. All the time I thought that I was never going to "get my life" back as I had no ambition, slept a lot, didn't much care if I showered or got out of bed.
Normally a very tidy, clean person, this was very bothersome to me. Living alone, no one really noticed and I could bluff my way through life. I tried to work, but could not hold a job and spent the waking hours on the computer talking to my fellow PTSD sufferers.
After 2 years I met a good man, a very decent human, and got involved. He was taking note of my behavior, and brought certain things to my attention. I decided to wean myself off the Paxil, gradually reducing the dosage by 10 mg every 3-4 weeks. I started having a weird sensation of an electric current going through me every time I moved my eyes or my head. I was nauseated, dizzy, moody, and overly sensitive to light, and had horrid headaches. Having moved to a new city, I needed to find a new doctor and 3 out of 3 told me to up my Paxil dosage back to 40 mg/daily.
I followed their advice. but found myself back into the black hole of despair again. After my partner again brought it to my attention, I decided it was time for a drastic change or I would end up dead! I NEEDED to have control over my life so I went off the Paxil, cold turkey, perhaps a mistake. But I think not. I suffered diarrhea, vomiting, nausea, dizziness, fell down a flight of stairs due to the "electric shock" sensation, sleepless nights, nightmares, intense sweating and dehydration, mood swings, and flu type symptoms.
But despite the physical agony, I felt better emotionally than I had for a very long time so was determined to suffer it out. It has been 2 weeks now, and I am still having a lot of discomfort--the shock feeling, the headaches, and diarrhea and am afraid to drive anymore. I notice a lack of appetite (may loose some of those Paxil induced pounds) and have days better than others. I have found some of my old energy returning, and my sense of humor. I do not know how long this will go on. But I have been advising anyone I know to refuse Paxil if ever offered to them.
I pray that these symptoms will go away some day. Or is this to be a part of the rest of my life thanks to the horror drug Paxil?
Thank you for listening.
Yvonne Jameson
|
