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"It worries me that I have permanently damaged my mind with this drug..."
I had my first panic attack this May. Many believe it was triggered by the fact that my father had committed suicide two years earlier, but I came to a different conclusion. I had been prescribed Paxil after fighting against taking medication to combat the depression and hypochondria that came on after my father's death. After only a few weeks of taking Paxil, I began having disturbing thoughts (i.e. that my boyfriend looked evil in certain light among others) which I had not experienced before. I advised my psychotherapist that I was having these thoughts and she advised me that they would go away with time. After 5 months of taking the Paxil, I felt that my mind was not the same, that my memory was not as strong as before and that the medication was doing more harm than good, so I started to wean myself off of the drug.
However, this past May, I had a full-blown panic attack for the first time in my life. I thought I was dying and saw a doctor immediately the next day. The doctor, listening to my history decided that Zoloft would be a good drug for me. The first night I had a panic attack much worse than the first that lasted at least an hour and noticed that my teeth were actually aching when I awoke the next morning. I tried the medication one more night with the same awful side-effects. The following day I went back to the doctor and advised her of the side-effects. She said that they happen rarely, and prescribed Prozac instead. After trying Prozac for a week with the same effects, I saw a psychiatrist who prescribed Klonopin and Remeron. The Remeron helped me sleep and increased my appetite. The Klonopin helped to relax me and not become so overwhelmed with worry. Within a week, however, I admitted myself to the hospital because I was sure that if I did not get help, I would commit suicide. I had become obsessed with the idea that I would spend the rest of my life in that state of constant anxiety and fear. I had NEVER considered suicide before.
While in the hospital, I continued with the Remeron and was released after 3 days. I continued the Remeron for another 3 months, but found that I could not escape the thoughts of worry and fear that bombarded me constantly. I finally quit taking the Remeron by tapering off. I now have only had one anxiety attack since stopping the medication and generally have been able to enjoy my life without constant worry.
What frightens me, is that I saw another psychiatrist after stopping the Remeron and he was amazed that it had been prescribed to me. His exact words were: "Remeron is a very toxic medication. I don't prescribe it and I'm not surprised that you had extreme anxiety while taking it."
Why hadn't anyone advised me of the possible side-effects of this drug? Why hadn't the doctor sent me to a psychiatrist right away instead of throwing different pills at me? The way that antidepressants are prescribed these days in the USA is very frightening. Half of the family doctors have no idea that mixing different SSRIs and other anti-depressants can be very dangerous.
Since taking the Paxil, I have not been able to return to the same state of mind as before. I feel like I forget things more often and lose my place while speaking constantly. I forget simple words in conversation and have to really sit and think before coming up with them. I feel overwhelmed when confronted with a lot of information at once. It worries me that I have permanently damaged my mind with this drug, and that doctors prescribe it so readily with no word of caution to their patients.
Jessica
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