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“The veil that is lifted when I quit taking them is overwhelming.”
I am a 27 yr. old woman, mother of 2. I have been on numerous antidepressants since the age of 15. I am now finding that I have pretty much become addicted to these medications having been raised on them and having had them in my system during the years of my development. The veil that is lifted when I quit taking them is overwhelming. I believe that many of the choices that I have made in my life while on (mostly Zoloft) these meds, could have been completely different.
The way that the medications lower ones inhibitions in order to make one feel better is extremely dangerous. It can take away the feelings that keep a person out of harms way. It makes you not care about the things that are most important to you. I became an exotic dancer at the age of 19 only being on Zoloft and now regret this and so many other things that I have decided to do while being on these meds.
My depression and anxiety have become worse now . I have a very poor memory of my life's most important events. I noticed that these meds may create a strong depersonalization and a child may become more promiscuous, steal, drug use, rash decision making, and also may make a child so tired that they fail to become a productive citizen and are accused with being lazy or insubordinate when maybe the meds have created a world in which the patient may not care anymore about his or her actions.
I remember stealing by using a persons' credit card in a haze of an almost manic state. I remember sitting on a tall building ledge smoking a cigarette at the age of 18.I now am still on pills (Wellbutrin sr 300 mgs) and I am afraid to quit because I cannot handle the reality of what my life has become because of these extremely dangerous medications.
I feel frustration towards my parents for having put me on them at such a young age even if they didn't know, and still don't understand how they could and do effect me. My mother had been an RN and my father was a pharmaceutical salesman. I feel that if I had gone through my life handling situations without these meds I would now be so much the stronger.
I feel almost addicted to Zoloft and find that any drug rehabilitation center scoffs at the idea. I have been on these medications for 12 years and I feel stuck between a world of reality and "super-reality." I have now begun to hear voices for the past five years. I wonder if long term use of medications might have started this? No doctor will think of this. I am diagnosed as a psychosis none otherwise specified. Being off the pills for a few weeks or more has done nothing to suppress these voices.
I have suicidal thoughts every day to end my confusion. I have for many years now. I remember laughing for an hour straight one time and there was nothing funny and I couldn't get my body to stop. I was in pain. I think that everyday tasks are altered. I was often very tired even when not depressed. I later sought out a doctor to give me Ritalin without telling her the truth that I was tired of being tired. I see more people that are on these medications than not.
I will never put my children on them ever. I am not the best person I can be for my children. I hold not only myself accountable for this, but I also hold these medications accountable. Too bad their companies can't.
Thank you for giving me a voice and a stable ground in reality that I can grasps through the veil of medications.
Sasha Norris
3841 Monroe St.
Eugene, Oregon 97405
541 687-0588
Skye0675@cs.com
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