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“…good thing I’ve too numbed to be frightened anymore.”
Dear Dr Anne Blake Tracy.
Thank you for exposing the dark side of antidepressants. I heard an interview with you on Jeff Rense last year before I was prescribed Paxil or as it is known in Australia Aropax. People are very ignorant about the effects of these drugs, and unfortunately many doctors fall into this category. I was prescribed Paxil kicking and screaming (not literally) in my final of high school my teachers tried to put me on Aropax because I was having severe anxiety attacks at school. After reading the list of side effects my mom hid the tablets from me (bless her soul). I did end up graduating from high school and managed to just make the cut for my university course bachelor of arts, in spite of the fact I had untreated clinical depression, which probably started around age 14 and I’ve been suicidal in the past without ever making an attempt. My depression did not subsist and I ending up falling into the pit of depression again. I experienced every artistic rendition of a depressed person during those first couple of months.
Finally after seriously considering killing myself I went to see my Doctor, who was extremely supportive during my dire moment of need. I was immediately prescribed Aropax, without any medical examination, exactly the same thing when I was prescribed it last year. After the second day I had racing thoughts, panic attacks and my heart was racing. I stopped taking it and returned to my doctor who said I should start on half a tablet and increase it to one after a week, and it did the trick. I had the usual drowsiness, dry mouth, constipation etc. but nothing untoward, oh except I should mention I had nightmares of death and suicide every night, once I woke up and I could actually hear the screams for a few seconds (sleep paralysis?) another time I felt an evil presence dragging me off my bed. I would analyze everything in a conversation, feeling like I could scream because of the number of thoughts I was having.
But I was depressed so Paxil can't be blamed entirely. One thing I noticed I started doing soon after taking Paxil was I had cravings for sweets and actually ate a bag of sugar every few days without feeling high as a kite is this Paxil related?. No matter what I ate I was always lacking in energy. The depersonsalition/derealisation did not subside either and around the afternoon everyday I had some suicidal impulse, and actually became worse. My doctor increased the dosage to 30 mg after id been on it for a few months. I began to notice I was coming numb, I missed loads of tutorials and lectures without actually missing them, I handed in assignments weeks late. Today I opened up all the letters from my univ library on overdue books and I discovered I owed them $457 and would not be able to reenroll until I paid the charges. I never checked my grades for my exams. I just haven't felt like I have been going to university, the friends I have made I don't feel I have any relationship to. I noticed this more when I increased the dosage to 40mg and I became more tired and it numbed me to the extent where I didn't care about school, friends or anything it didn't seem to be of that much concern but it seemed to greatly improve my Tourettes syndrome and I stopped making barking noises and repeating lists of things out loud over and over. I don't even feel like the same person, I’ve forgotten most of the events of the past couple of months, the information is there but it just doesn't seem like it happened, and the same goes with my school years all vague. Yesterday I reduced the dose down to 30mg again. I haven't been laying about in bed all the time,. in fact I’ve been doing exercise regularly for the past four months and even joined a gym and still I don't feel much better. Also I’ve been dreaming about being in year 12 again and being suicidal every night for the past 6 months, its the same situation over and over again and I don't know what it all means, of course I was stressed last year but why am I experiencing symptoms of PTSD over it? I had this dream not long ago where my friends heads were decapitated and their skulls were groaning at me, good thing I’ve too numbed to be frightened anymore. This is beginning to become a nightmare only where not for lack of wanting to I don't scream. I would greatly appreciate it if you could give me your opinion of my experience and whether its conducive with the stories of the millions of other victims out there.
Yours Sincerely,
Ashley Adams
Six_Degrees_of_Drew_Barrymore@hotmail.com
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