Survivor Story 226:44/77 Antidepressants: “I believed that Satan was living in me.”


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 44.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Trust in God, Not in the Drugs



“I believed that Satan was living in me.”

I have finally decided to write and tell my story. The reason it has taken me so long to do so is that I was so afraid of being sought out and persecuted for knowing the truth about these drugs. I was living in absolute terror for about thirteen months from the third day I took Paxil. Then after experiencing all kinds of strange brain/emotional reactions for another two years or so I just wanted to run from the memory for a long time. I am writing today because I realize that I am still suffering from the trauma of what happened to me in the summer of 1997 sort of like PTSD. I am okay finally but I still feel sad (it used to be rage) when I see antidepressants advertised on TV, and I still feel very, very sad when I hear of a suicide of someone who was recently “diagnosed with depression, and when someone dies mysteriously in their sleep at the age of thirty-six and there is talk of that person having been depressed.

My nightmare began in the winter of 1997 when I was 44 years old. I came down with a bizarre bronchial virus that hung on for weeks and gave me the worst asthma I have ever had (I have a history of virus and allergy induced asthma). I relapsed with the virus and nothing seemed to help the asthma. I developed severe anxiety about it (my asthma had always given me anxiety, plus I have a history of anxiety and depression) and my lung specialist gave me Ativan which helped me sleep. However, within a month I went into a severe agitated depression from the tranquilizer. I’m sure it was the tranquilizer because the depression started right after taking it but I developed more anxiety from the depression. It was then that I asked my primary doc for something stronger than a tranquilizer and I was sent to a psychiatrist. He gave me a trial of Paxil and sympathized with my angst. He said the only side effect he was worried about in my case was agitation as I had a history of anxiety and agitation and rumination (obsessive compulsive disorder). He explained how the Paxil would help my brain turn off it’s planning center and not be unduly concerned about things (asthma).

It’s funny, I took the sample home but had reservations about taking it. I had seen a few of my friends go through personality changes on it even though they said they couldn’t function without it. One of them had begun driving like a maniac and she had always been the safest driver on the road. When I asked her to slow down once, because I was afraid, she snarled some derisive comment at me. It was during that period of time that she also threatened her daughter with slitting her throat if she didn’t go to school one day. She (was) a very loving mother but that’s another story.

I continued to get worse, barely getting through each day, my asthma was a little better but I had developed psychological breathing problems by this time which I had never had before. One night while in a state of panic I just took the Paxil. I cut a ten milligram pill in four parts as the psychiatrist had advised and took it. So I was getting only 2.5 milligrams. I was terrified to take the drug but couldn’t stand my agony any more. I was so scared of having an allergic reaction and having my breathing even more compromised.

Within ten minutes of taking the drug I started to cough like something was in my throat but I couldn’t feel anything. It didn’t get any worse and I didn’t feel like I couldn’t breathe. I coughed for about 30 seconds and then I felt this tingling all over my body like heat, but I didn’t itch. Then that calmed down after about five minutes. The really strange thing was that I didn’t react emotionally to what was happening to me. I thought Gee, I’m okay.( Before I would have flipped). And I should have flipped. From that night on I never took another tranquilizer.

I watched something on TV for the first time in months that night and became really engrossed in it. I was able to follow the story without losing my attention and I felt very calm. I was very aware of feeling no anxiety and kept thinking “am I having a placebo reaction because this isn’t supposed to work yet”. But I felt so strange, it’s very difficult to describe. This was no placebo reaction. I went to bed without showering, doing the dishes, checking the door, or taking my inhaler to bed with me. For six months I had never had that inhaler out of my hand .

When I woke up the next morning I felt different than I had ever felt in my whole life. I thought this must be like what other people feel like. I felt like I could fly, very euphoric. I went to the bookstore, which I had always loved to do, but hadn’t done in ages and I was so happy and I mean happy. On the drive there I noticed that my throat felt weird like it was full or swelling up but I really didn’t care. (I can tell you that anybody in their right mind would’ve gone to the E.R.)

It was a glorious day. That night at the same time I took another quarter pill and thought, “Well I can’t believe it, this pill has changed my life”, (even though my house hadn’t been touched work wise all day and we ate takeout). I went to bed so relieved and happy.

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I noticed was that my face felt weird and I felt very strange like empty and dull. I looked in the mirror and my face was swollen especially my eyes and lips. I could hear my chest wheezing in a way I had never heard. I didn’t have the euphoria at all just felt very ill but was incapable of feeling any fear about it. My first thought was, I am allergic to this pill but I guess I had to take two doses for the allergy to hit like other allergens. I still had the weird feeling in my throat. I really didn’t know what to think. I went to my lung specialist that day thinking,” well I have to use my intellect about this even though I really don’t care”. By the time I got there some of the swelling had gone down and he said the asthma was normal. When I told him what had happened he said, ” well it’s biochemical” and blew it off. So I blew it off, easy to do because I had no emotions) but I knew something was wrong. I figured I’d just wait a few hours or a day or two and I’d be back to my old fearful self.

But, I didn’t get over it. Within five days the glands in my neck were so swollen that if I touched my throat at all I couldn’t breathe, my tongue was swollen with purple lines carved into it, I would get these giant hives that took up half of my thigh, I felt buzzing in my forehead and couldn’t keep my equilibrium and felt like I had cotton in my head. I was starting to panic without any emotion because I seemed to be damaged permanently. I felt like I had the flu and felt like I had cotton in my lungs. I called the psychiatrist and told him that I was waiting for the side effects to go away but that it had been five days. He told me that they might clear up if I just kept taking it. I thought, if these side effects get any worse I won’t be able to breathe at all so there’s no way I’m gonna keep taking it. I also was having euphoria again (sort of attacks of euphoria and when having them thinking that it would be so much fun to slice the meat off of my bones.) I developed a fever, shivering, euphoria, and this horrible discomfort that I truly can not describe. I told him everything except the wanting to hurt myself part because I was starting to get afraid that if I needed help to control the physical symptoms (I was worried I might die from the swelling) he wouldn’t believe me and then help me.

He said to me (and he’s a psychiatrist dealing in these drugs every day) “Call me in three months because your confounded now”. When I hung up the phone I knew I was on my own. I went in tears to get help from my primary care doctor and he icily said ” That’s between you and the psychiatrist”. The next three months was a hell I never thought I’d live through. My throat kept swelling out of the blue, my temperature was always 101, I had a heart rate of 110 at rest (It had always been 60), I became numb all over my body, I couldn’t get food near my face or I’d gag and lost almost thirty pounds. I was allergic to almost every food I did manage to choke down, the glands in my neck were swollen, and had the strongest desire to kill myself as though it was a good idea or something and, I wanted to kill myself violently but I had no depression. However I knew it was the drug unlike some poor souls, so I thought I’ve got to get over this. But the horror of thinking you will never be normal again was so scary. I wanted to cut off my flesh so I could get out of my self and the discomfort. I can’t describe the feeling of not being depressed but of being in despair at the same time. I developed some strange bronchial thing (like being paralyzed) that I can’t describe either except it surprised me every time I took a breath that I could take one.

I was truly in hell as though my body had been taken over by evil spirits. I believed that Satan was living in me.

It is vitally important that whoever reads this understand that I’m not talking about wanting to die because of being so down and hopeless you can’t stand it anymore. I’m talking about a feeling of desiring a bloody death. I felt like one of those horror show weirdo’s who go after their victims with glee. I thought slicing myself up would be great plus be an escape from the horrible discomfort I felt physically (and I thought asthma was the worst thing I could feel).

At one point I got the number of the drug company (whoever makes Paxil), and called them. This was a couple of weeks after I’d taken the drug. I finally got through to someone I deemed high enough up on the totem pole to have any clout and began ranting about what the drug had done to me and begging to speak to one of their researchers so I could have him/her tell me when the drug would wear off. How naive!

Another thing that happened was that any drug I took to try and help myself backfired. When I took Benadryl for the swelling I would get horrible headaches and blurred vision even if I reduced the dose to 6 m. I took a dose of Atarax again hoping to help the swelling and woke up covered in sweat and gasping for air because I likely quit breathing in my sleep.

These drugs intensify the effect of anything else taken (of course no one had bothered to tell me that). This brings me to an interesting point and that is that I can’t believe that doctors are as callous as they seem. I believe that the intensity of these side effects are not made aware of to docs. How could I have been treated so poorly and why do docs tell you “oh maybe you’ll have this one side effect” when the list goes on and on. I had to try and figure things out while I was sick and piece things together on my own. Also, if the psychiatrist had asked pertinent questions about my family history (personality types, etc.) he would have suspected I might have a tendency toward mania, not to mention that anyone with a history of allergies as bad as mine should never be given these drugs. I blame the drug company for these conveniently overlooked side effects.

The bad thing is also, who is going to believe anyone who has to go on these drugs to begin with? There’s the rub!

I haven’t even gotten to the part of the story when I withdrew from the Paxil.

I had a few months when I had enough mania still to feel pretty good and wasn’t having physical symptoms anymore except for a sensation of swelling whenever I had a happy attack. I was so relieved as I knew I was recovered and would have been happy to stay at that new found place. However, It wasn’t to be and at about the 13 month mark I entered a withdrawal that scared me so much. I started feeling like I wanted to run people down with my car. I again felt like killing myself and the temptation to blow my head off was very strong. I had my husband hide his gun and get rid of the bullets. I started cussing at telemarketers when they called and I thought anybody who crossed me was a “fucking asshole”. I devoured so much sugar that I rapidly gained forty pounds. I was very lucky in that I had a lot of insight into what was happening to me and realized that it was another dimension of the drug (as I had just recently still had euphoria attacks). I have always been one of the most compassionate people I know but whenever I heard about horrible things happening to people I would feel very delighted inside. I was sick. I was paranoid that people were tapping my phone and following me. This went on in varying degrees for almost two years.

I lost three years of my life to Paxil in a sense and feel lucky not to have lost my whole life. I believe everything people tell me about their lives now as I lived a nightmare a person would have to live to believe. I do believe these drugs are as dangerous as LSD as it’s impossible to know who will react like I did. It is criminal that we poor souls who do have horrible reactions have no where to turn because you don’t plug into help, like the drug awareness web site, until you have enough of your marbles back to seek the help out. I believe that the drug companies know full well that these drugs don’t just give energy to a person at risk for suicide but change brain chemistry in a way in some people so that they crave death in a way they never would have been able to before. I was at risk for suicide when I was much younger because I was in so much pain from clinical depression and I never came close to having any of the type of desire for a violent death as I had from Paxil. A suicidal depression is wanting to end the pain. A death wish from Paxil is wanting as much pain as you can imagine. There is no comparison.

I now cry when sad things happen, I feel sorry for people, I feel insecure sometimes about myself because I don’t have that drug induced self-righteousness, and I am once again the way God made me. (I also completely lost my connection to God on the drug).

It has taken a lot of courage to write this and it isn’t even everything. If you are suffering from one of these drugs know that you are not alone. Hang on and believe in God even when you can’t feel God. Or if you don’t believe in God believe that you will get better. I believe that you will.


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Survivor Story 227:45/77 – Able to finally completely wean off

A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 45.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


I Withdrew Successfully from Paxil


“I was able to finally completely wean myself from this medication using (Ann Blake-Tracy’s) instructions…”

My story is in no way tragic. I am an older man (63) and suffered a stroke in 1989 while working in California. I was informed that I would not be able to return to work and since I could not afford to remain living there, I moved to Arkansas. Upon moving here, I located a local GP who was to become my ‘stroke’ doctor; who I was to see regularly for checkups on my condition. I was prescribed Paxil by this GP supposedly for depression. I informed him that I was not depressed but he prescribed the Paxil anyway. In fact, this doctor prescribed eight (8) other drugs for me during my first few visits. A couple of these drugs had also been prescribed by my ‘stroke’ doctor in California.

As I mentioned before, my story is not tragic but I do know that the drug Paxil can drastically affect one’s behavior when that person abruptly stops taking it. About two years ago, I decided to just stop taking the Paxil and so I did. Within a couple of days, I was experiencing very weird sensations that I was not in control of my feelings, I was dizzy and disoriented, and I was experiencing very weird sounds within my head. I could not sleep and was not interested in eating or taking care of myself. I had no idea what was wrong and just attributed my behavior as something my stroke had caused.

During this time, I was in the habit of regularly listening to a talk show each night over the internet called ‘’. This particular night, Dr Ann Tracy was the guest on that show and she mentioned Paxil and other SSRIs that could cause the problems I was experiencing. I called in to the show and she informed me how to gradually stop taking the Paxil. So, the next day, using a fingernail file as she had instructed, I began filing maybe a fraction of a millimeter from the end of each pill that I then placed into my weekly medicine box. I continued doing this for about eight months, each week filing just a little more off the pill. Once I was back on the Paxil, these weird sensations that I was experiencing went away and I was able to finally completely wean myself from this medication using her instructions and was able to stop taking it entirely.

I have since internally questioned each and every drug that this GP has prescribed for me and I am now trying to wean myself from all the prescription drugs he has prescribed for me and replace them with natural herbal medications. I am feeling much better now and feel so sorry for all those that are forced to take these prescriptions against their wishes as I feel that they are very dangerous indeed.

Ronald Stanley
1205 Crestridge St.
Mountain View, AR 72560

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Survivor Story 218:36/77 – He felt as if he was coming out of his skin.


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 36.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Prozac Suicide



He said he felt as if he was coming out of his skin, like someone was behind him 24 hrs a day terrifying him.

My Fathers story:

Dad had been on Prozac for about 3 years until he took himself off because he became very manic right before he stopped taking Prozac. Dad, who was retired, was working part time at four different Car dealerships driving cars from one state to another. On top of that he was also working at a janitorial service, doing remodeling jobs for people, putting in retaining walls, and on the go constantly. He was going on as little as 3 to 4 hours of sleep and working 20hrs a day. After he took himself off cold turkey, never being told this was dangerous, he went into severe withdrawal which his DR called Recurrent Depression and put him on Effexor. After 4 days on Effexor my Mom called the Drs. office and said he was getting worse. The Drs. office told Mom to take dad off all meds for 2 days and then start him on 20mgs of Prozac for 10 days then double his dose to 40mgs. During this time dad couldn’t eat or drink anything the family DR put him in the hospital to rehydrate him and called in a psychiatrist 2 days later he was released. Dad just kept getting worse, every pill he took was if he was eating rat poisoning, By now he couldn’t stand light, noises bothered him he had stopped talking, he would just sit in his chair and stare with hollow eyes into space. He begged Mom not to let any visitors in the house not even us children. He said he felt as if he was coming out of his skin, like someone was behind him 24 hrs a day terrifying him.

Mom questioned the Drs. about Prozac because by now she was suspecting it was the drug causing him to be so ill and in a couple of days they were to double his dose. The Drs. assured her it was safe and told her it was a waiting game they just had to give the medicine time to kick in. On the 10th day when they were to double his dose to 40mgs they did. The next two days dad laid on the couch covered from head to toe with a blanket. On the third day dad committed suicide in their shower by a self inflicted gun shot wound in the head.

After the shock wore off 3 months later we requested a fluoxetine test be done on his blood, we were told if they had any blood left it would be considered old blood that it would have deteriorated. The Coroners office called back and told us they did have enough blood to do a fluoxetine test.

When we got the test back we knew it was the Prozac that killed him.

Dads Toxicology report is as follows:

Serum Fluoxetine 1412ng/mL

Serum Norflouxetine 1836 ng/mL

Total 3248 The therapeutic level is 300-1150ng/mL

Dad had three times the therapeutic limit in his system and that was with deteriorated blood.

Ours is just one story of how SSRI’S can and do cause people of all ages to commit suicide.

I hope this will help the FDA to see that all age groups need to be study. These drugs aren’t just killing children there killing our parents and grandparents as well.

Sincerely, Sandi Payne

Sandi Payne

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Survivor Story 219:37/77 – Withdrawal Problems–Doctor Says It Couldn’t be Paxil.


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 37.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Withdrawal Problems–Doctor Says It Couldn’t be Paxil



“Word needs to given to the doctors and their patients what to expect if you start taking this drug.”

I have been on Paxil for several years now. The doctor started me on Paxil when I had an anxiety attack. It has worked quite well.

Some time ago I tried to quit. First I tried just stopping it. When I did this, I started feeling really weird, like my nerves were being short-circuited. All of a sudden I would get these rushes and then I would start zinging (hard to describe)….it was like I was getting shocked. Then once I started taking it again, I was fine. Then I tried cutting back by only taking half a Paxil. This didn’t work, either. Same feeling. Then I tried cutting back to every other day…..still didn’t work.

I mentioned these symptoms to my doctor and he acted like Paxil wouldn’t cause this to happen to me if I tried to stop.

I can always tell if I forget to take it. This weird feeling comes over me and my entire body feels the affect.

I remember reading and hearing about Paxil before I started taking it. The advertisements said that it was “NOT ADDICTING”. I felt safe going on it. Now it scares the heck out of me.

Word needs to given to the doctors and their patients what to expect if you start taking this drug.

When I read the article in a magazine from a lady who had been taking Paxil it was so good to hear that other people had been experiencing the same thing as me.

Thank you for listening.

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Survivor Story 220:38/77 – Paxil destroyed his life COMPLETELY!


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 38.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Son Commits Suicide on Paxil



“…the drug that was given to him destroyed his life COMPLETELY!!!!!!! ”

My son was on Paxil for almost 5 years.

He was very violent and suicidal. This was his 7th and finally attempt. On March 19, 2003, he put a 357 magnum to his head and took his own life. Those 5 years were a nightmare of destruction.

After the doctor increased the Paxil, he became worse than ever. I finally did some research on the drug and realized that all he has been going through was the result of the Paxil.

So I tapered him down slowly and almost over night he got better with each passing day. Like night and day, he was back to the sweet, loving, wonderful person, he was before he went on this evil drug.

We had him back for about 10 months….no more violence or suicide attempts. He could now sit still and watch T.V. etc.

He use to pace the floor 24/7. He now could control his impulses among other things. The nightmares got less and less and almost none.

Everyone saw the big change in him and he was so proud of himself now. But as the days went on, trying to face the mess his life was in as the result of the Paxil and Court Case still pending and jail time possible and the criminal record that he had now was not acceptable to him. His OCD was getting the better of him, he always looked for perfection for himself.

His life could not be repaired. Depression returned because of this and got the better of him. He finally took his life. We sought help for his depression, and the drug that was given to him destroyed his life COMPLETELY!!!!!!!

Bernadette Brannock

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Survivor Story 221:39/77 – 14-Year Takes His Own Life on Prozac, made him feel “weird”.


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 39.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


14-Year Takes His Own Life on Prozac



“My son didn’t want to be on this drug. He claimed it made him feel “weird”.

Kevin Neil Rider
October 2, 1985 -to- June 3, 2000

I want to tell you a little bit about our son. He was a terrific kid, an honor student attending the gifted and talented (Accelerated Learning Lab) at Lakeridge Junior High School in Orem, Utah. He was well liked by his peers. He had a sense of humor that would tickle your funny bone. He was ordained as a teacher in our LDS ward. He was working towards his Eagle Scout designation. He was gifted in writing, and was becoming quite an accomplished tenor sax player. He was a friend to the friendless, and was always looking out for anyone who he saw as an underdog. He truly had a sensitive soul, and was an introspective young man.

When he was twelve I made an appointment with our primary care physician because of my growing concern that he might be dealing with depression. He seemed to be unusually sad at times. He had put on some weight and was very self conscious of this. He developed an aversion to Scouting activities if it included the possibility that he might have to put on his swimming trunks. The other factor that played into my concerns was that his father had fought depression for most of his life. I wondered if there was a genetic predisposition to depression. I didn’t want my baby to have to suffer through life as my husband had… (He hated me calling him my baby, but he was my youngest… he’ll always be my baby).

Our doctor convinced me that Prozac was right. He told me of how two of his own kids had suffered such serious depression that he had to fly out and pick them both up from LDS missions. Once he got them on Prozac, they were fine, and were able to successfully complete their missions. Three months into his Prozac therapy I took my son back in to see if there was something else we could try. My son didn’t want to be on this drug. He claimed it made him feel “weird”. I believed he was struggling with the idea that he might have some kind of “brain disorder”, and he didn’t want any of his friends to know that he had to take “crazy” pills, as he referred to them. I tried to alleviate his fears by using the same reasoning my doctor had used with me ? that there was nothing to be ashamed of in having a chemical imbalance. It was no different than a diabetic who had to take insulin for their chemical imbalance. We returned to our doctor to discuss my son’s struggle with being on this drug. Our doctor explained that sometimes you have to experiment to get the dosage right. I asked him what he knew about St John’s Wort, which I had heard helped with depression. He was very much against any product that you could simply pick off any shelf in a regular supermarket. He explained that St John’s Wort did not have any guarantee of safety, whereas Prozac had been proven safe, and had FDA approval. He determined that what my son needed was a higher dose, and promptly doubled it to 20 mg. per day. I watched my son closely for awhile, trying to determine how he was doing. At times it appeared that he was doing better. At other times, much worse. It was like a roller coaster ride…. I think my son gave up trying to explain how he felt. Maybe he felt as if nobody really understood what he was going through…. Maybe it was just because he was such a good kid and was trying not to rock the boat. Maybe he considered that adults must know what was really best for him…

Well, I could go on and on…. So many things happened. We dealt with three different experiences while he was on Prozac that just about scared me to death. I wondered if his abnormal behavior had anything to do with the drug, but then passed it off… Maybe gifted kids were just different. Maybe their perceptions and feelings about life were just heightened. Maybe it was just the fact that he was entering those adolescent years. I knew these years could be “trying”, as I had three other adolescents in the home at this time.

We had invited one of his best friends (who had since moved to St. George), to come and stay for the summer. The summer before, we had done the same, and I was hoping it wouldn’t be the beginning of a new tradition! Just kidding… These two had known each other since they were five years old, and the distance between them made it hard to keep in touch. They were making all kinds of plans for the summer… Four wheeling with dad, biking the Provo trail to Bridal Veil Falls …. maybe even signing up for summer football together. The football coach at Mt. View High School already had his eyes on my son because of his large stature…

The night before he died, I had worked late. I came home to hear the boys whooping it up in his bedroom over what I thought was some silly Sega game. My daughter was pounding on the wall, telling them to shut up so she could sleep. I thought of intervening, but then thought, “Oh, let them be boys… it’s only for the summer…” That was the last time I heard his voice. The next morning he woke up, removed a handgun from my husband’s safe, walked out into the orchard and shot himself in the head…..

Our hearts are broken. Our tight knit little neighborhood was in shock and disbelief. I saw more young men and priesthood leaders cry than I hope to ever have to witness again…but then tears can begin the process of healing…

There just weren’t any answers…. Why? For awhile, I just wanted to lay down and die myself…. I began reading everything I could find on suicide, searching for answers. Then I turned to books that were written to help “survivors of suicides”. One day, I was leafing through the mail and came upon a book club offering “4 Books for 4 Bucks”. One of the titles listed was “Prozac Backlash”, by Dr. Joseph Glenmullen. The title just seemed to jump out at me. I wondered what “Backlash” meant. My son had been on Prozac… Was there something here that I didn’t know about? I ordered the book, and when it arrived began reading it. It seemed as if a revelation was being opened before my very eyes… My son’s abnormal behavior was described perfectly by some of the case studies detailed in the book. Even before finishing the book, I knew that this was the answer to what seemed an unanswerable question to my son’s death. I realized then, that my son died as a result of a horrible reaction to withdrawal from Prozac. I struggled alone with my conclusion for several days. I reasoned with myself, “Is this one person’s opinion, or are there others who also believed these drugs could be so dangerous?”

I began searching the internet. What I found was absolutely astonishing! There were literally thousands, if not tens of thousands personal accounts, magazine articles, journal references….. not to mention several books by prominent medical doctors and scientists that refuted Lilly’s claims to this drug! Eventually I came across the web site for the International Coalition for Drug Awareness. I was to learn that the international director of this organization, Dr. Ann Blake-Tracy, lived right here in Utah, not forty miles from my home. I ordered her book, “Prozac, Pandora or Panacea”, and her tape which outlined how to safely withdraw from the SSRIs (Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors).

I purchased the tape for my husband, because after all I had discovered, I realized that the drug that he had been prescribed, Paxil, posed serious side effects as well. I later arranged to meet with Dr. Tracy. I learned that she has been fighting the distribution of this particular class of drugs for over ten years. I personally think she is a very courageous woman. I learned from Dr. Tracy that Candace Pert was also on the directing board of this organization. Candace Pert was actually one of two renowned research scientists who are credited with the development of Prozac. This is what she later had to say about her “creation”

“I am alarmed at the monster that Johns Hopkins neuroscientist Solomon Snyder and I created 25 years ago. The public is being misinformed about the precision of these selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors…..”

I have had so many doors open…. I believe God in his Heaven has heard my prayers, and the prayers of so many others that have suffered. I believe that my discoveries have not been mere coincidence.

I am not so very much against these drugs as is Dr Tracy, but then I haven’t spent the last ten years with them, either… What I have discovered in only the last few months, however, has made me believe that for some, these drugs are very dangerous, even fatal. But the most appalling thing I learned is that Eli Lilly’s own documents show clearly that they were aware that Prozac could cause suicidal ideation more than twenty years before the drug was ever marketed, and they withheld this information from the public! Eli Lilly chose rather to bury these findings under scientific jargon. With millions now being prescribed these SSRI drugs (for everything from compulsive shopping to headaches to PMS … not just depression), what may have been considered a small percentage of patients who experience serious adverse reactions might well translate now into thousands, maybe tens of thousands of victims….

The pharmaceuticals are forking out millions to market a one sided story about these drugs which are in turn bringing in billions. I wish I had known all that I do now about these drugs. Do you think I would have agreed to this drug if I had all of the information? Of course not… This is why Eli Lilly fought so hard to keep the research results under tight security. I wish I hadn’t been so trusting. These drugs should only be administered by medical doctors who fully understand the whole spectrum of side effects, and have the time to carefully monitor each patient for whom these drugs are prescribed to determine if any benefits outweigh the horribly significant risks. Frankly, I don’t think primary care physicians have adequate training or the time to monitor patients on these drugs… When all the evidence is laid out, would any doctor feel they had enough insight to safely monitor this drug? This is an issue that needs to be addressed.

As a side note, I mentioned that my husband has struggled with depression. Well, he was put on Paxil by the same doctor who had prescribed Prozac for our son. After reading about these drugs, I felt it would be best if he came off this drug. It hasn’t really helped anyway. He still struggles with depression (Of course, our son’s death has certainly added to this), but he is dealing with other side effects as well. He has developed a tremor in his hands. He has mentioned to me that at times he has experienced these electric like mini shocks in his head. He has become impotent. He has gained a lot of weight, which I have also learned is a peculiar side effect of Paxil. By this time I had become acquainted with Dr Tracy. I had purchased her book and tape. My husband began tapering off the drug, but I feared he was tapering too fast. But he is kind of stubborn, and wanted to do it his way. (He started taking one of his 20 mg. tablets every other day, rather than every day. About 3?4 weeks into this tapering off schedule, he went wacko. Some little incident at work threw him into a rage. I won’t go into the details; suffice it to say that the experience frightened him so badly that he decided he wouldn’t be able to come off of this drug.

A couple of weeks ago, I made an appointment with my doctor to confront him with what I had learned about these drugs, and to inquire as to what else we might do to help my husband get off the Paxil without suffering such horrendous side effects. He told me that there are alot of people who can take these drugs and not have any problems with them. However, he did admit that he had been hearing more complaints from some of his patients that they were having a hard time getting off of this particular drug. He said to just tell him to try it a little more slowly. In all honesty, I think I made him feel uncomfortable by addressing my concerns.

Postscript: I recently received a copy of an announcement from the World Health Organization. This watchdog agency has determined the Prozac, and most likely the other drugs within this class are “addictive”. Dr Tracy has been trying to get this same message out to the public for ten years!

Dawn Rider

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Survivor Story 216:34/77- Senator’s death is forever!


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 34.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Prozac Dose Increased to 40mg, Dad Kills Himself



“Please, Senators put a stop to wide spread use of SSRI’s, because death is forever”

I want to tell you how an SSRI has completely changed my family, forever.

My dad was told by his family dr. that he had a chemical imbalance of Serotonin and that he needed to take one, 20mg, Prozac every day for the rest of his life.

My parents believed that. So every day for 5 years my dad took his wonder drug.

Dad had an open ended prescription, he saw his family dr. once a year to re-issue his yearly prescription. He also found a discount pharmaceutical laboratory where he could buy his Prozac in bulk.

Over time he gradually became more, and more, manic. Dad retired during those 5 years he was on Prozac, but he took on several part-time jobs. He was picking up and or delivering cars for car dealerships, here in Omaha.

But he would travel all over the country to pick up the cars. He was also doing handyman jobs, like building retaining walls, cleaning out gutters and building patio covers. Then in the winter he was in charge of snow removal for a janitorial company. That meant, every time it snowed, dad had to make sure all the properties that the janitorial service cleaned, were also cleared of snow.

He was hardly sleeping. Sometimes he was home for 4 hours and then on the road again to get another car. Remember, he was suppose to be retired!

Sometime in the spring of 2000 dad stopped taking Prozac. I think he just couldn’t keep going at that pace and he felt it was Prozac that was driving him to go, go, go. We didn’t know that he stopped. I had been telling him over and over during the 5 years that I didn’t think there was a chemical imbalance, and I didn’t think he needed to take Prozac but, we didn’t know that stopping cold turkey could be so deadly.

Over Memorial weekend 2000 my family started to notice that dad was not acting his normal self. He was very withdrawn. It was then that my family realized he stopped taking Prozac. He went back to his family dr. and he put dad right back on Prozac.

That didn’t work, dad was getting more and more depressed. So the family DR put my dad on Effexor. When that didn’t work either the family dr. put my dad in the hospital and called in a psychiatrist. Dad stayed in the hospital for 2 days and was released to go home.

The family dr. told my dad to stop taking the Effexor and go back on Prozac. The DR. had my dad increase the dosage of Prozac from 20mg to 40mg a day.

My dad was at home and he was suffering. He laid on the couch and the light bothered him, so he covered his head with a blanket and noise bothered him too. He wanted the room dark and quiet. I think dad was suffering from serious withdrawals and his dr. didn’t know it.

After 4 days of being on Prozac at 40mg my dad got up off the couch when no one was home, he walked downstairs to the basement and found a gun. He then walked upstairs to his bedroom, and went into the bathroom, and there, in the shower, he shot himself. My mom found him dead, laying there when she came home.

Senators, this should have never happened! For one thing a family dr. should not be allowed to prescribe these mind altering drugs with no knowledge of their side effects, or that they can cause serious withdrawals, not to mention the fact that a family dr. doesn’t know about depression, or mental health issues. These SSRI’s were never tested for long term side effects. No proof has been shown to prove the chemical imbalance theory. So why can Drs.. continue to prescribe these drugs to their patients, to take permanently.

My dad would still be here today, if his family dr. would have sent him to see a psychiatrist and not just prescribed Prozac. I think this is gross neglect and it is happening everyday. Please, Senators put a stop to wide spread use of SSRI’s, because death is forever!

Wayne Wesp

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Survivor Story 217:35/77 – Months of Paxil. He committed suicide gun shot to the head


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 35.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


My Son’s Suicide



“His doctor put him on Paxil. after several months of Paxil. He committed suicide with a single gun shot wound to the head.”

My son was on Zoloft for several years for depression and OCD.

Then I started to see bi-polar symptoms in him but being over 18 everything between his MD and psychologist were confidential. His doctor put him on Paxil. after several months of Paxil. He committed suicide with a single gun shot wound to the head on November 3, 2001.

He was my only child. Please anyone who is a parent out there and has a child with a mental illness, do everything you possibly can so this never happens to you. It is a horrible experience that you will remember for the rest of your life.

After my son’s death. I did have an attorney contact me regarding the Paxil. After filling out a 15 page report. I was told because my son took other meds before the Paxil, I wasn’t able to be helped by them. I just wanted to share my story.

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Survivor Story 210:28/77 – 16-Year Old Tells Her Story on SSRIs …”don’’t become another victim of the SSRI LIES.”


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 28.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


16-Year Old Tells Her Story on SSRIs



“…don’t become another victim of the SSRI LIES.”

Hey, well where to start, I am 16 years of age and have (unrecognizably) suffered from depression and the very rare symptoms of schizophrenia for the entirety of my existence. The world is in a very serious state. State of mental health that is, the sheer number of people whose lives have been adversely affected by SSRI’s leaves me here in tears. On the February of 2003, I began displaying “classic” signs of depression. This time the verdict was final – I had depression. The words couldn’t have flown of the ink of the pen quicker – ZOLOFT.

Sertraline hydrochloride, was about to change my life in a way I had never imagined. To transform me, a highly intelligent promising student to a reckless teenager I had never envisioned myself ever becoming in my wildest dreams. OK, so I had more confidence ( with a weird underlying low self-esteem ), less depression and more enthusiasm towards life. GREAT, I thought although being the perfectionist I am, common logic indicated to me that this artificial substance surely has to be inflicting more harm than positive.

Research led me to discover the true albeit frequently concealed side of the SSRI’s. This is mind.

I immediately discontinued my usage. Hehe, unfortunately my research didn’t inform me of the terrible withdrawal stage that follows. OK so I went cold turkey and got off ’em. The next stage for me, is restructuring my brain regrowing receptors which the “medications” undoubtedly destroy and enjoying better health through nutrition. I have devised a health regime to help myself and many other individuals, should they choose to embrace it – get back on track with their lives. Construct some substance, where are we going people?

I now view SSRI’s as a pathway to greater happiness. Sure these substances are killing our brain cells and nerve endings, WITH THIS IN MIND lets make our greatest attempt to work our way off these burdenful medications and learn from the experience. Right now, no matter how bad you feel, you are a champion, a champion for what you ask ?

A champion for being alive, your not a coward ( not suggesting people who commit suicide are .)

You’ve survived, the onslaught of chemicals the doctors ignorantly throw into our systems with little attention paid to side effects.

I am a SSRI survivor, and for that I have become a stronger person

Cheers people and remember don’t become another victim of the SSRI LIES

Below is a health regime you can follow in order to assist you getting off the medication and once your off can assist you in getting your life back and track and providing a NATURAL anti-depressant program which you can take with the assurance of NO HARMFUL SIDE EFFECTS

Peace, A.L Sydney Australia

1. Exercise daily ( but don’t overdo it as this can worsen depression )

2. eliminate all junk food and ALL artificial substances from your diet.

3. implement a multivitamin and mineral complex into your diet ( strongest possible )

4. Take a b vitamin complex B-50 3 times daily

5. Supplement additional magnesium calcium in the ratio cal2:1mag

6. supplement 300mcg of selenium if this dosage isn’t included in your multi supplement

That’s a regime that can indeed kick start you to a life of greater happiness and stabilize those AWFUL feelings of the SSRI withdrawal and indeed normal “medicated feelings.

I can be contacted on at for an email or if you obtain msn messenger at

AnF Lorch

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Survivor Story 211:29/77 – Paxil Withdrawals were Horrible.


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 29.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Paxil Withdrawals were Horrible



“I am devastated to think that I will have to continue to take these medications for the rest of my life or to go through the horrific withdrawals.”

My name is Leesa Norton and I was on Paxil for approximately 2 1/2 years. I was diagnosed with mild panic attacks and depression. Since being on Paxil for 2 1/2 years and still having the same symptoms as before going on the drug, a new doctor prescribed me Effexor in place of the Paxil.

The withdrawals from Paxil were horrendous. I had constant dizziness, wooshy feelings (like being on a small boat), what felt electrical charges at any given time, lack of appetite, lack of sexual desire, lethargic and panicky. These reactions lasted for some months. I still have the wooshy, electrical charges every once in awhile.

I also note that if I do not take the Effexor every day at the same time these reactions reappear.

I want so much to be free of these drugs and their adverse reactions. I am devastated to think that I will have to continue to take these medications for the rest of my life or to go through the horrific withdrawals.

Please, please, please email me if there is anything I can do to help others from becoming addicts of these SSRIs.

Thank you.

Leesa Norton

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