Category Archives: SSRI Survivor Stories

Successful Antidepressant Withdrawal After Ten Years Use

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People often ask me for success stories of those who have used my information over the years so I am going to start sharing them with you in posts, in between all these nightmare cases that come in non-stop, so that you can see how others have been able to get their lives back after years on antidepressants…first this letter from a mother about her daughter’s 10 year nightmare on antidepressants starting with Prozac followed by her daughter giving more detail as to what all happened before she found my book on these drugs & CD on how to wean safely down off them while rebuilding from the damage they have caused.
Dear Ann Blake Tracy,
I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart….
….for helping our daughter, Leslie. Without the information from your book, Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? and tape, Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant!, it is very doubtful that we would have known how to get her off of her drugs safely.
She recently spoke in front of about 50 people, telling her story…
…..Believe me, 1 1/2 years ago she would not have walked into a room with more that 5 people without experiencing serious anxiety.
I just read your newsletter about the woman’s daughter who mutilated herself… 
…Our Leslie did also and her doctor tried to convince us that she had already done that as a child. She hadn’t of course, not until she was prescribed all of the many drugs.
She has been on a roller coaster, but is doing so wonderful now….
….She is no longer taking anything and is outgoing, happy, active in her children’s education and in her church. Her husband frequently tells her that he feels like they are newly weds because he hadn’t seen her that way for almost 11 years.
Her children frequently tell her that they are so happy to have their mom back….
….I would like to send you a transcript of her story that she told to 50 people.
Please continue your campaign, we have told many people about your book and tape,
Marion Schiffgen
                                              

Leslie’s lecture: My 10-year Nightmare Started with Prozac….

“My mental and many physical disorders were caused primarily by the medication I was given by my doctors. I lost 10 years of my life.” Leslie Judd
My name is Leslie Judd and I appreciate the opportunity to tell you my story. I recently had a major life change. This came about because of information that was passed on to me by Young Living. It also came about because of encouragement from my family, friends and because of my faith.
Close to 11 years ago I experienced some serious depression….
…. I now recognize that it was most likely post-partum depression, since it began following the birth of my third child. The condition was serious enough to cause me to be unable to function normally. After a visit to the doctor, I came home with a prescription for Prozac. This was the beginning of a 10year nightmare.
Almost immediately within the first few days I began having side effects….
….such as hallucinations, hearing voices and no relief from the depression. I went back to the doctor, who now prescribed Paxil and Trazadone. Temporarily, it seemed to help with the depression, but I was a zombie all of the time. I felt like I had a hangover every morning. With Paxil, and all of the anti-depressants I took from then on, I had what is called a withdrawal or “wear-off effect”. Basically it is a withdrawal caused by the fact that my body soon adjusted to the dosage and then I would need a higher dosage. Symptoms of this effect were electrical sensations throughout my body, a shutters and whoosh sound with every move and a trailing when I moved or turned my head. This continued to increase until the doctor would change my medication and I would begin the cycle again.
I began fluctuating between depression and hypomania….
….I started seeing a therapist, the therapist referred me to a psychiatrist. She put me on Zoloft next. Starting with a fairly low dose. My initial diagnosis began as Major Depressive Disorder, but soon became Dysthymia, or severe mood disorder. After trying different antidepressants, like Effexor, Serzone ( now off the market due to the fact that it causes liver failure) and Wellbutrin, all of which gave only temporary relief, she decided to try lithium because my symptoms had become like that of a bipolar patient. (So now the diagnosis had become Bipolar II disorder) My condition began to worsen.
At this time the doctor decided to experiment with different types of drugs….
…such as anti-seizure medications, Topamax, Depakote, Lamictal and Neurontin, as well as anti-psychotics, like Risperdal, Seroquel, and Zyprexa, causing me to have a multitude of other side-effects such as tremors, visual disturbances, anxiety and nervous problems for which I was prescribed benzodiazepines. Guess what, I was more depressed, I was more ill than I had ever been before in my life.
Now my back pain was getting worse….
…Due to an inherent back problem, I have always, even as a teen, had back pain. The medications decreased my pain tolerance. I developed Fybromyalga. I became obsessed with illness and with pain. I gained an excessive amount of weight. I also began behaving impulsively, lost interest in relationships and developed social phobias, such as agoraphobia (fear of public places, not wanting to leave home). I would panic in crowds, break out in a sweat, collapsing in terror.
Of course my children were suffering during this whole time ….
….because I was unable to provide nurturing. I could not feel joy or affection, and I became obsessed with death. I didn’t want anyone to touch me, cried sometimes uncontrollably but could never explain why. I felt hopeless. I felt like a burden to everybody. I spoke with slurred speech, couldn’t find words and had loss of memory. The tremors became so severe that I could no longer write a check or sign my name. This only led to more anti social behavior and self isolation.
Every month I went to my doctor, each time my medication and dosage were changed….
….There was a point during the ten years that I realized the medication was making me sick. Especially when I got lithium toxicity. My body was holding on to all fluid, I was bloated beyond recognition, my pupils were dilated (one more than the other), I started to get panicky and I had constant nausea and severe headaches along with other symptoms which alarmed my husband, and he called my doctor who told me to stop taking the medication immediately.
This stopped the toxicity from progressing, but the immediate withdrawal caused….
….me to crash into an even deeper depression. More medication, without relief, more suicidal ideation. Alcohol binges.
During this whole time, my husband, family and friends stood by me, but I didn’t know it….
….I didn’t care. I even expressed hostility towards those who tried to reach out to me with their concerns. I had no interests, no hobbies outside of the dark, morose, and depressing. My music, books, movies that I watched all dealt with depressing subjects, especially death. I had total dissociation (Feeling as though I were transparent or not feeling anything at all.) I slept most of my days, but had to take drugs to sleep at night too. I had nightmares if I dreamt at all. I was always jittery and hyper vigilant. I could not tolerate any light and often called myself a vampire.
I had to have throat surgery due to sleep apnea, anther side effect….
….which the weight gain from the drugs certainly did not  help! And during the recuperation time we made a move to Chino Valley. Major stress, beyond what I was able to deal with and within a few weeks I was hospitalized for the first time for a breakdown. I was in the hospital for 10 days. It was a frightening experience. Locked doors, scary people and more medication changes.
When I was released and came home I was worse than ever….
….My eyes were dead. I shook uncontrollably, actually a side effect of anti seizure medications. I had to move my legs constantly. I was having hallucinations. I had absolutely no energy and no desire to do anything. I felt empty. My family rallied to get me back on my feet. Friends brought dinner to help out. But I really remember very little of this time period. It was as if I were seeing things from outside of my body.
I felt nothing. I just wanted to die. This is when it all started to climax.
My symptoms escalated to the point that I had to be hospitalized again….
….During this whole time, my psychiatrist kept assuring me that it was just a matter of time until the right balance of medication was determined. It was trial and error. Ten years of trial and error! From my 25th year until I was 36years old. The years that I should have enjoyed most with my husband and young family.
An attempted suicide made for another hospital stay….
….where I was humiliated in front of other patients by psychiatric techs, after which I made another attempt to end my life while I was still in the hospital. I lied to get out of the hospital, telling them I felt better. Eight days later I went home on new drugs.
Two weeks later I was back in the hospital for another eight days…
….I was so out of it. I felt like I was in a vacuum. I did things contrary to my nature, not even thinking of consequences. Nothing mattered. On leaving the hospital following my third stay, I was told that my diagnosis was Bipolar II, Panic and anxiety disorder, PTSD ( post traumatic stress disorder), and Borderline Personality Disorder with psychotic episodes. It seemed that I would just get worse and never well again.
Back home, my family searched for answers, …
…& looked for ways to help me. Good friends, Brian and Barb Kuckuck went to a Young Living convention in California. They returned with help – a CD, Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant! and a book on antidepressants, Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? from Ann Blake Tracy.
The CD opened our eyes to the destruction of people’s lives these drugs cause….
….I today know I have a disposition towards depression, but I am not bipolar, I am not psychotic and I do not have a borderline personality disorder. My mental and many physical disorders were caused primarily by the medication I was given by my doctors. I lost 10 years of my life.
I followed Ann Blake Tracy’s guidelines for tapering off of the medication …
…and I have been using the Cortistop and various supplements as well as essential oils, particularly Peace and Calming, Valor and Clarity, without which, I know it would have been much more difficult to break free from the drugs. The weaning process is a long one, it can last for up to two years, but it is worth it.

Today I have been completely free of my medications for 5 months….

….Although I still have some residual side-effects, I am living my life again and enjoying it. I thank Young Living and Ann Blake Tracy for making me aware, I thank my husband and children for their untiring love and patience, thanks to my family for their persistence and love in searching for something to help, I appreciate my friends, who were there for me even though I didn’t know it and I especially thank my faith for giving me the strength and courage to succeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s not you it’s your Antidepressant Withdrawal | T-SHIRT

 

MY PSYCHIATRIC STORY

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Trine is a 17 year old girl who goes to high school . She grew up in a home where she is exposed to what we call emotional neglect which is just as bad for someone like incest is. This means she is her mother’s extended arm emotionally and on that account there is committed many atrocities against her. She is also being beaten by her father and left out of both parents when she did not ” behave properly ” . She can then sit and cry alone in her room as the loser in the sick game. Often she should take responsibility for her mother’s feelings and succumb to her father’s caprice and her two older siblings are also players in their own way. NOONE understand Trine and that she is a very sensitive girl . Trine was born with a slight form of autism called asperger and when this diagnosis is not known at that time becomes Trine never “discovered” . Trine has problems with social interaction and her temper and she is a different girl that her parents have difficulty understanding and understandably so true . Parents are not to blame for her developmental disorder like autism course is. Trine will not be discovered with her autism because she is super to read social interaction intellectually and throughout elementary school she manage fine and because of her intelligence the good teachers do not realize that this girl is a bit different in social interaction. The only focus is on how skilled Trine is. When she comes to high school it all went wrong. Trine do not understand the ” culture ” such a place and left out of some girls and when she does not feel she fits into that she finally breaks. The cup overflows . Trine gets a depression and goes to her practitioner who gives her ” happy pills ” . He tells her parents : “It’s a major depression .” Can you now go home and take good care of Trine and that she does not take her life in her major depression . Trine must abandon high school. She must take the second grade of high school all over again and she quit school for that reason. She is too sick for that and give it up.

Trine feels better after a few months and go for a while at a private practicing psychiatrist who regard her youth psychiatry . Here Trine talks to a female psychiatrist and she is medicated with Prozac continuelly . Trine gets better and better and can work again . She feels helped by medication and is finally completely healthy and Withdrawn from it. Trine is just so happy and feel completely on top. She now start highschool again . She takes a course in a day highschool and now she starts reading for teacher. It is Trine’s BIGGEST DREAM in life. She loves children and her happy and laughing mind attracts kids who LOVE her. Trine has raised a lot of kids in her young life already . She knows this is what she wants. She is targeted by it. Trine is just sensitive and a death in the family fall over Trine again with a new depression. Trine knows that happiness pills helps her for the course, they have done before so she seeks again a psychologist which may not help at Trines depression and she comes into a private psychiatrist who begins to medicate Trine . This time rather vehemently with often two drugs at the same time . This time nothing works at Trine . The psychiatrist must give up and send Trine into a mental dayhospital in psychiatry where Trina is happy to be starting for they must ofcourse be able to help her. Trine is very trusting when it comes to people and the help she will get . They help her probably as good as in the past. She is confident. In the dayhospital the much medication continues but Trine just gets worse and worse . She sits like a zombie and staring out into space in a chair. A fellow patient take notice and say, “I have been hospitalized many times in the psychiatric ward in my life but I have never ever seen anyone as sick as you. Never! Trine takes each day home from the mental dayhospital and goes from being a girl in the weigh of 73 kg to weigh 96 kg . Trine feels she is near death. She suffers from constipation , dry mouth, chapped lips and is so much in torment she can not live in dignity . She thinks one day either it must stop here or else she takes her own life or else she dies of ” treatment ” .

 

She goes back to the mental dayhospital and communicate with the “smart ” doctors and nurses that she will not be involved in this anymore .The caregivers may well see it is not good and they can see that there is not something that helps and that their many medications have not helped a stick but worsened Trines situation. Trine is 21 years old at that time. The “professional” decides to take her of the medication.Trine is now fast completely healthy and gets out from the mental dayhospital . Now life is going to be lived fully. She leaves home and enjoying her new life and get a job and it all goes well for her. She has not given up the dream of becoming an educator as she now works in a kindergarten again . Trine is sensitive to stress and two years after she goes to the doctor with symptoms of stress . She feels something sad and tired but it is also stressful at the job. Trine think , however, although it is a depression again and says to the doctor it might be a depression. He looks in the journal/case record. She is a former psychiatric patient so it’s probably very possible and Trine gets happy pills again . Trine takes the pills . She will not lose her job and it may well be they help this time . Trine did not feels the pills helps quite but she is also not wildly worse. But after she breaks up with a boyfriend the film breaks even more for Trine . She is very sensitive. She goes at the time of district psychiatry . The psychologist believes that she should be increased in dose in order not to “break completely” Trine is increased but she is still fighting not to break down completely. She calls the psychologist during working hours and is completely out of it. Finally Trine decides to stop the job and going to college .

 

The job is simply too much now in the state she is in and she does not like to be there more. She is now taking some psychotropic drugs which makes her very hungry and she rises again in weight from 73 kg to 97 kg . They will also help her sleep when she can not sleep and she has also had difficulty sleeping in many years. Ever since she came on ” happy pills ” . At the school Trine is always tired . She sleeps poorly and during the day she is just so tired and has decreased energy . She reports from a study tour. Trine feels she only experience half of the stay due to her condition. When she comes home Trine is completely distraught . Why is she like this she thinks? It can not be true I should go and be so tired and now I get the medicine and it can not be true that I do not get better on medication after all ? Trine think so it creaks and decides to go to the doctor again . Maybe she has a different diagnosis that doctors can not find out. Maybe she should have something completely different medication and she will get well . Trine is desperate. She even ask to be tested in the district psychiatry for a possible diagnosis so she can get the right treatment so that she can have a better life again .

 

Trine is now from her own doctor sent into the arms of a psychiatrist who reasonably fast concludes that Trine been suffering from skizotyphical mental disorder and a psychologist must then straight find out what is wrong and yes most definitely she does suffer from skizotyphical mental disorder . Trine just thinks that maybe it ‘s right because she is so desperate to get better. She is now offered antipsychotic medication which she accepts. She has to take 2 mg . Trine respond quickly to it by feeling the many thoughts she has that are spinning around in her head are calming down and it will be easier to sleep as it is shown very well. She says she think it helps and the psychiatrist is really happy for her and says to Trine : ” Come back in two years when you feel good “So Trine let go of psychiatry but also of her life because the effect of the medication begins to materialize . Trine sleeps all the time, bother nothing, meet into working test untidy. Her life becomes a nightmare . Trine is desperate again . What should she do? . She is just so distraught . She dusted a random boyfriend up with turns out to be a psychopath as he threatens to beat her and smashing things in anger . Trine first discovered it when she moved into house with him. Trine remains and sleeps a lot and she can barely handle those few hours of temporary she’s in a kindergarten . The boyfriend threatens her with beatings because she was “transforming ” . Trine crying because she ” truant ” from the job because of her zombie state. She can not get out of bed . One day Trine however gets enough. Getting help from some nurses to come to a psychiatrist who can see it is completely bad with Trine and puts her DOWN in dose. However, it was something new.

 

Trine gets better and move from her boyfriend . When she moves from her boyfriend she comes however to a new psychiatrist. The local authorities sends her to him because she is seeking rehabilitation for a whole high school education . And it is the law in Denmark that if you are going to get money from the local authorities in order to come under rehabilitation and get help with an education you have to get a statement from a psychiatrist that you actually are sick.The psychiatrist takes her completely off the antipsychotic medication and puts her on a new antidepressant .Now Trine gets the diagnosis BORDERLINE . It was great Trine thinks. It must be true as she feels better by getting rid of the antipsychotic medication. She does not think about the consistency of things . It gives her of course more energy to come off the antipsychotic medication and she even thinks the antidepressant medication helps her this time . Trine comes off from the antipsychotic medication and she is busy and begins education . But she keeps it only for a week because she is so zombiefied of the medication. She gives it up very fast then. Trine is now taken an high school education continuously over a number of years. She uses a total of five years at it. She is in the time on and off antidepressants most of the time . But she is doing it and are so happy and proud when she gets her exam with a good result. It’s not her intelligence that something is wrong with. Trine is still always tired and depleted of energy. Trine knows she does not feel well and do not understand it all by herself . Why is she not better ?

In the year 2010 Trine seeks everywhere after some therapy that can make her VERY well. She is tired of smalltalk with the psychiatrist . She now gets hope when she finds something called Dialectical behavioural therapy. It is for people with borderline and now I therefore will recover she thinks. She seeks and get busy. Trine senses something fishy about her therapist at the beginning but Trine gives people chances and continues to go to the therapist and psychiatrist who she also is. Trine has almost just begun in therapy as she breaks up with a boyfriend again. Trine breaks now completely back together with signs of depression and this time so severely that she is admitted to a psychiatric hospital and they again start medicating her. Trine is on medication but now she tries another product that should work better for depression .Trine is only growing worse and worse. She gets more anxiety and depression and she is being very paranoid. She gets cramp in the legs , stomach upset , tooth decay and dry mouth. She’s horrible . She have thoughts of killing herself and also her parents. For ten months Trine is that way and she is so caught up into her own condition that she did not manage to say stop . She tells the therapist that she gets sick from the medication that she has told her before she had tried to be.But now the therapist just tells her it is the underlying condition.It is her borderline.  Trine gives up to argue and stay on the drug because she is afraid of being kicked out from the therapy. She just survive each day and she is absolutely certain that the therapy well might get her on track.They learn some skills in the therapy they have to practice at home. Trine is confident. The therapy must save her. Trine feels however that she is not herself and suspects that something is wrong with her therapist that she did not get along with . But she is brought up to that what you begin with you have to finish and you do that too with a treatment. Trine match therapy to the letter and make all domestic tasks even though she mentally complete the verge of suicide .

She is now revolving door patient in the psychiatric ward . The tests they do on her in her treatment measures , however some progress in some areas but Trine herself is really a wreck. She understands nothing. But rejoice however, the test results positive outcome. She rejoice so much of the deception that she first discovers too late is of no use to continue. She reports she will get off the medication. The therapist looking hard at Trine and she quickly realize that the therapist does not agree to it at all. The therapist there is also a psychiatrist who is now getting Trine off the medication in a month but Trine asks for one more month and she gets it . However, it is too soon since Trine is very sensitive and she returns now straight down into depression again and she is hospitalized again . Trine also do not know anything about that just Venlafaxine for some people is especially dangerous to come off of . Especially very sensitive people.Trine now experiencing the wildest cessation symptoms such as legcramps , restlessness and depression. It hurts at all stages and her leg raises . Trines renewed depression does not end just like that. It comes back after four months of stopping the preparation and it is called a withdrawal depression which can last up to two years after the abrupt discontinuation of an antidepressant . Trine stop now by the psychiatrist for the psychiatrist does not believe in Trines explanation and will only hear herselves

Meanwhile Trine has found out how much psychotropic drugs damage a person and read about withdrawaldepressions . Trines knowledge she must go alone with in psychiatry because noone believes in her. The psychiatry in which she involuntarily has become revolving door patient in because she did not long time ago figured it all out. She is now a revolving door patient . She can not keep her condition out and she has no choice but to seek it . In psychiatry, they will not have her hospitalized if she does not take drugs again . Trine is really squeezed . Considering other places to go and stay but to stay around other people in her condition she will not bid other . She is suicidal and that people should not take care of she thinks. She is also afraid to stay strange places in her condition. Finally Trine swings so much in her psyche that it almost snaps and then. This means that it is quite quiet and it’s as if the brain goes dead .She has also brainzaps It is resoundingly uncomfortable and she has so many suicidal thoughts that she can not be in the hell more. She says yes to moodstabilizing medication to dampen it down and lifting her slightly. Trine knows it is harmful but she is really in pain. She feels no joy and life and her mind is running just the same all the time . The same pattern . There is not much creativity. It sleeps up there otherwise . She feels paralyzed. She also feels autistic because she feels she is living inside herselves even when she’s among others. That is how a withdrawaldepression feels. It’s dreadful . She has decreased appetite and her functional level is so low that she almost did not bother the most basic things . She can not sleep at night and now has to take sleeping pills to sleep or antipsychotic .

Trine is fighting not to be hospitalized all the time but it is very very difficult. She is a very sensitive girl and struggling every day but she is tired of it now because she has soon been in the same hell for two years. You can really say that hell started when she was 17 years old and came into psychiatry and thought they could help her. An help who deceived Trine something so cruel . A trusting and naive girl was robbed of life. Systematic degraded because she constantly thought and continued to believe that they would then be able to help her in the states they created for her and the real problem was “just ” an undiscovered autism.Trine is so lucky that she is now being sent to psychiatric evaluation again . Trine say yes to it because she knows that she needs to get some help so she stops being hospitalized all the time. Trine has fluctuating confidence in psychiatry now but it helps but on the whole they no longer will fill her with pills in psychiatry. They know well by now that they have committed a big mistake . A asperger must not just get psychotropic drugs in the unrestrained way Trine has received and it must be given in very low doses. An autistic must be helped with framework and structure of the day and motivated to the things that are difficult. Trained in skills.

That will be necessary , one can say with the psychiatric drugs Trine has been given over several years as they may well have destroyed her brain . Trine finds out through her journal/case record that they have suspicions about Trine is autistic . Trine think first that they just have to have another diagnosis to cheer with and borrow a book about asperger autism. Trine read and must admit it is her. Much of what is written is like Trine is. Trine actually feels she has found “home” and now feel happy that psychiatry final 34 years inside tTrines life has managed to do one thing “right”. But how many lost years of psychotropic drugs and never ever Trine had been really helped. Trine is now fighting for a dwelling and psychiatry have recommended it to Trine . Trine is looking forward to her new life ahead. But now she is considering if she has an asperger diagnose at all. She thinks danish psychiatry has made it all up to get rid of her and because they had made her so sick from the medication they had been giving her.

I almost died last year – Keppra

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Keppra

I almost died last year, from psychotic depression with suicidal tendencies and a complete disconnect from reality. I should have been taken off this medicine by the first neurologist I saw shortly after being prescribed the drug for epilepsy by an ER physician due to two grand mal seizures back-to-back in one day. I started having suicidal thoughts and extremely severe depression within two weeks of starting this medication, and due to the fact that my neurologist left the hospital under mysterious circumstances, I had to find another neurologist, who began titrating me off Keppra and onto lamotrigine the day I saw him. It took me over six months to finally get entirely weaned off that medication. In the interim, I lost two jobs due to being absolutely unable to perform the functions of the job with that stuff in my body (I couldn’t remember whether I took my meds five minutes after I took them, much less implement complex software applications). I destroyed some long-term friendships and close family relationships. I was making a six-figure income before all this happened, and even the epilepsy, uncontrolled, was better than that horror show. I walked out on the Tacoma Narrows bridge one day and gave it some serious thought, as well as driving up to Paradise in Mt. Rainier National Park with hopes that I’d have a seizure behind the wheel and run off a cliff. This drug needs to be TAKEN OFF THE MARKET, and I don’t care who else it helps. It’s destroyed my life. I’m living in my sister’s basement with $3000 to my name now, with no job as I’m currently unemployable, denied my unemployment as I left voluntarily (before they could fire me for my incompetence), and planning to file for SSDI. Sounds like a great drug, yes?

My horrific experience with antidepressants

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My horrific experience with antidepressants

I am now almost 9 months on from the point that my life took a dramatic turn for the worst for trying antidepressants .

My baby was 10 weeks old , as was actually doing well where my baby was concerned – I was not suffering from post natal depression. However i was experiencing some tough times in my family , a terminally ill family member and the pending divorce of my elder brother and his wife which I felt very saddened by. On a vulnerable day , after little sleep and several emotional phone calls from my brother I felt overwhelmed so visited my doctor . I spent the entire consultation talking about my brother and his wife’s deprecation, how I felt overwhelmed by it etc . It is really important to note that I was not suicidal , I had never been suicidal in my life, I felt bonded with my baby was experiencing anxiety – however nothing compared to what I would experience once I had entered the world of antidepressants . My doctor prescribed me citalopram . I felt overwhelmed. , had two children to care for, just wanted the pain of my brothers separation to go away so I stupidly took this pill . It was by far the worst decision of my life and literally sent me on a journey to hell ….I am still on my way back .

I was not warned by my doctor of any undue side effects I.e sic ideal thoughts / paranoia. / increased anxiety ect. . I was handed a prescription and told the most common side effect was a ‘dry mouth ‘. I took this pill for 12 days ….my anxiety seemed to get worse , I started to have ‘odd thoughts about worms in food ‘ , my vision was off , I started to feel disconnected and finally on day 12 I had a major panic attack . I stopped the drug . 3 days after stopping it I woke up feeling suicidal and vomiting . I thought ‘ this must be me , this must be my illness ‘ so I went back to the doctor . The doctor then gave me a different ssri … I took it for 4 days and I did not eat or sleep during most of that time and experienced chronic anxiety , I ended up at the hospital and the drug was stopped . The next two weeks that followed my life became more terrifying , I experienced anxiety I had never known in my life. , I felt suicidal , I found myself paranoid that an old lady wanted to take my baby sitting opposite me in the doctors surgery . I was terrified and thought I must be developing post natal psychosis . I was still very ignorant to the damaging effects of these drugs and had no idea that the drugs had caused these things to happen at this point . I sought out a private psychiatrist who at the time told me I was clearly suffering from severe anxiety ( she diagnosed me with an anxiety disorder ) yet all the symptoms I was now presenting to her I had not had three weeks previously just before I took my first anti depressant pill . She prescribed me mitazapine . The next three months of my life were a terrifying hell – I experienced sucidal ideation , my anxiety increased and increased , I developed new anxieties I had never had before and experienced some odd brief hallucinations . My husband had to take nine weeks off work and I had been sent to such a place of distress I now felt disconnected with my baby . My husband and I kept contacting the psychiatrist and telling her things were worse , the general message was it was me and not the drug . Finally I saw a good doctor who said he thought it was chemical , referred me to a experienced psychiatrist who explained to me that I had experienced rebound anxiety from the ssri drugs and was essentially re medicated to treat the symptoms . He did not agree with me being given mitazapine and supported me in coming off the drug . I was on mitazapine for 6 weeks , it took me another 8 weeks to come off it , I spent that entire time in a state of terror and if it were not for my husband standing by my side I would have taken my life , I know that with certainty . I contacted an agency in the uk called Cita that specialise in this area and they counselled me through the entire process and beyond . I am now having weekly therapy and treatment for post traumatic stress .

It is beyond me how any doctor can prescribe these drugs without fully informing a patient of all risks and indeed the withdrawl process that follows . These drugs work for some people ( people I know ) but they are also very very dangerous to others . I developed symptoms on these drugs I have never before experienced in my life . I have now been free of mitazapine for 3 and a half months approximately and it has been total dedication , strength and every ounce of will power I have had to start to regain my life again .

My love and bond for my baby is back but behind that is a very deep sadness for the time I lost – therapy is helping me come to terms with this . The depression is lifting, I am regaining my confidence. , the hallucination experiences ceased when I stopped the drugs but the fear of them has remained . I am now able to do simple things like watch telly and read a book , my husband is back at work and I am back to being a full time mum . The trauma if what I went through is still very raw though. , the therapy helps as does keeping busy , a healthy lifestyle and being brave enough to face my fears every day .

I would never suggest for a second that someone should not take a medication if it helps them but please make sure you are fully informed of all the risks before you do . I still get very frightened that I may have caused my brain permanent damage however every time I see a new stage in my recovery it gives me hope this is not the case . I can understand why it takes so long to recover from these experiences and it frightens me what people do in these situations if they have no family support or recourse to funds – end their lives ? I hope in sharing my story I can help someone to recover in some way . It takes such strength but you can get better , things will improve , keep strong . I wish you well on your journey however my story finds you .

 

ANTIDEPRESSANT-INDUCED AKATHISIA: MEET JOSH AND AIMEE JENSEN

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Josh and Aimee2

JOSH AND AIMEE JENSEN BEFORE ANTIDEPRESSANTS

And these are their beautiful and happy children before akathisia happened to their father who can now no longer even hold his babies ….

Josh Jensen family

Josh Jensen Family – Pre-Akathisia

If you go to Aimee’s Facebook page at the following address you will see what condition Josh is in now after being given 14 meds over the past 10 months in spite of him beginning to show all the signs and symptoms of akathisia, including a suicide attempt on Effexor – known to be a result of the side effect of akathisia, all of which should have been clear indication that the drugging of Josh with serotonergic medications be stopped due to these extremely toxic effects, while they were only ignored: https://www.facebook.com/aimee.worsleyjensen

Josh Jensen is lucky to be alive today even though his suffering of this condition he has now been told is permanent is having such a severe negative effect upon their family’s peace and happiness and daily lives. Akathisia is a horrific side effect of antidepressants shown in previous studies to be a cause of suicide related to these antidepressant medications. Akathisia is a Greek term meaning “can’t sit still” where the muscles of the body are constantly driven to move without ceasing. There is no rest with this condition.

Listen to Josh Himself Describe What He Is Going Though

Please share their experience as a warning to others on antidepressants of what can happen, especially when medications are switched so often and in rapid succession.

Ann Blake Tracy, Executive Director,

International Coalition for Drug Awareness
www.drugawareness.org & http://ssristories.drugawareness.org
Author: ”Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? – Our Serotonin Nightmare – The Complete Truth of the Full Impact of Antidepressants Upon Us & Our World” & Withdrawal CD “Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant!”

WITHDRAWAL HELP: You can find the hour and a half long CD on safe and effective withdrawal helps here: http://store.drugawareness.org/ And if you need additional consultations with Ann Blake-Tracy, you can book one at www.drugawareness.org or sign up for one of the memberships for the International Coalition for Drug Awareness which includes free consultations as one of the benefits of that particular membership plan.

WITHDRAWAL WARNING: In sharing this information about adverse reactions to antidepressants I always recommend that you also give reference to my CD on safe withdrawal, Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant!, so that we do not have more people dropping off these drugs too quickly – a move which I have warned from the beginning can be even more dangerous than staying on the drugs!

Zoloft – an enemy attacking me

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SSRI survivor Stories – Zoloft

Dear Ann,

Reading on Face Book where you made mention of Andrea Roberts shooting her husband and two children two weeks after starting on Zoloft. That really does give me a chill.

You might remember my testimony for Jesus, how that after being on Zoloft for two weeks exactly. I had this strange episode where I fell into a violent hallucination not knowing anything or anyone. It was like being plunged into another dimension of pure murderous rage where I was a mindless vicious animal. And my Mother who was the only one near by, was perceived as being an enemy attacking me.

It was a nightmare state of delusion like a false reality. And my eyes were suddenly flashing around the room to find an object to grab as a weapon. It was like watching out through my eyes as this scene unfolded, like as if I was not in control at all. And yet at the very same time, being aware that I was this other person who was totally in control. But yet not having the power or reason to even know if what was happening was even right or wrong. It was what being ”demon possessed” is like. And I was suddenly there in this demonic dimension where ”kill or be killed” seemed to be the only options. It was like a state of pure murderous rage.

Yet just when my eyes locked on a two by four piece of wood, the Holy Spirit within me snapped me out of this evil spell. In that I suddenly remembered who Mom was and I was hit with the evil horror of what I was about to do. Drugs like Zoloft which are like PCP and LSD combined open the soul to demons.

I realize that no one can be taken seriously bringing up this aspect of things in the secular fight against these drugs. And there is certainly enough medical and physical evidence to their danger without even considering the spiritual reality at play. I just want people to know that as a true Believer in Jesus and praying in Jesus Name, pleading the protective power of the shed blood of Jesus Christ over ourselves and loved ones. Especially those forced to take these drugs. – It can and will protect them from such attacks. We have the power to bind the dark forces of Satan and connecting the dots it is not hard to make the Occult / Conspiracy connection between these drugs and the agenda of the Occult powers that be in high places.

After the Holy Spirit snapped me out of that spell, saving both Mom and myself, as well as our loved ones from that horror which Satan intended to cause that day. I went outside away from Mom (Who didn’t even know what almost took place.) and I began to cry heavily, thinking I was demon possessed or totally insane. I can tell you for 100% percent certainty that demon spirits are always involved in these murders and murder suicides. That evil I remember feeling was pure demonic. I also know that it was no coincidence that I turned on my radio later that very evening after praying all day for an answer from God. Wondering how such a thing could have happened.

What were the chances that I would come across you doing a Radio interview about Zoloft and listening as you talked about case after case of people who killed others and themselves after being on Zoloft for two weeks. Only God Himself could have pre-arranged that radio interview to air that very day when I needed most desperately to hear it for some real answers.

That was back in 2001. – My Mom just passed away a couple weeks ago. (9-16-13) She died the death of a righteous soul in such peace as she saw either an angel or Jesus waiting at the foot of her bed. She suddenly looked right at me then looked away towards the foot of the bed. What ever she saw made her smile really big and then in the twinkling of an eye she was instantly gone. She was not on any drug to numb her and there was no painful struggle. There was no fear or uncertainty. We watched as she just smiled so peacefully and instantly left this world behind.

Mom’s life could have ended so differently back in 2001. – Myself and my family escaped the horrors that so many others face in these tragic and needless murder / murder suicides.

During that season in 2001 when this took place. I was in prayer often asking God to place a hedge of protection round about myself and my loved ones. I’m not talking about quick tearless prayers. But I believe earnest prayer and seeking the face of God will indeed produce supernatural results against the supernatural forces of Satan.

It is my prayer that this testimony might help others to escape the destructive plans of the Devil which he has against all our lives. If anyone doubts this reality of Satan, then they are calling Jesus a liar. For Jesus said: ”The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.” John 10:10

It is also written:
6 Humble yourselves therefore under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time:
7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.
8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour:
9 Whom resist stedfast in the faith, knowing that the same afflictions are accomplished in your brethren that are in the world.
1st Peter 5:6-9

Thank You Ann Blake Tracy for being there for God to use when I needed you most. And also for the work you do.
May God Bless and Keep You and protect you and yours in Jesus Name. Amen

Raymond Pena

Survivor Story 227:45/77 – Able to finally completely wean off

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A Survivor Speaks Out

2003

This is Survivor Story number 45.
Total number of stories in current database is 77

10/1/2003

I Withdrew Successfully from Paxil

Antidepressants

“I was able to finally completely wean myself from this medication using (Ann Blake-Tracy’s) instructions…”

My story is in no way tragic. I am an older man (63) and suffered a stroke in 1989 while working in California. I was informed that I would not be able to return to work and since I could not afford to remain living there, I moved to Arkansas. Upon moving here, I located a local GP who was to become my ‘stroke’ doctor; who I was to see regularly for checkups on my condition. I was prescribed Paxil by this GP supposedly for depression. I informed him that I was not depressed but he prescribed the Paxil anyway. In fact, this doctor prescribed eight (8) other drugs for me during my first few visits. A couple of these drugs had also been prescribed by my ‘stroke’ doctor in California.

As I mentioned before, my story is not tragic but I do know that the drug Paxil can drastically affect one’s behavior when that person abruptly stops taking it. About two years ago, I decided to just stop taking the Paxil and so I did. Within a couple of days, I was experiencing very weird sensations that I was not in control of my feelings, I was dizzy and disoriented, and I was experiencing very weird sounds within my head. I could not sleep and was not interested in eating or taking care of myself. I had no idea what was wrong and just attributed my behavior as something my stroke had caused.

During this time, I was in the habit of regularly listening to a talk show each night over the internet called ‘Rense.com’. This particular night, Dr Ann Tracy was the guest on that show and she mentioned Paxil and other SSRIs that could cause the problems I was experiencing. I called in to the show and she informed me how to gradually stop taking the Paxil. So, the next day, using a fingernail file as she had instructed, I began filing maybe a fraction of a millimeter from the end of each pill that I then placed into my weekly medicine box. I continued doing this for about eight months, each week filing just a little more off the pill. Once I was back on the Paxil, these weird sensations that I was experiencing went away and I was able to finally completely wean myself from this medication using her instructions and was able to stop taking it entirely.

I have since internally questioned each and every drug that this GP has prescribed for me and I am now trying to wean myself from all the prescription drugs he has prescribed for me and replace them with natural herbal medications. I am feeling much better now and feel so sorry for all those that are forced to take these prescriptions against their wishes as I feel that they are very dangerous indeed.

Ronald Stanley
1205 Crestridge St.
Mountain View, AR 72560

ICFDA Survivor Story

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A Survivor Speaks Out

2003

This is Survivor Story number 43.
Total number of stories in current database is 77

9/29/2003

Our Politicians Have to Do Something

Antidepressants

“Heaven help us all.”

I just discovered your website for the first time today.

I have no idea if this is something of interest to you, but one of the things in my experience with the medical profession that absolutely infuriates me is the following.

A few years ago I developed intense episodes of anxiety. Over a period of nine months I went through a side effects nightmare with a variety of psychiatric medications – Paxil, Wellbutrin, Neurontin, etc. I experienced weakness, nausea, vomiting, sleeplessness, depression, tremors, trouble breathing – just to name a few.

Finally I got fed up and went to a holistic physician. He discovered that I had many food sensitivities. And when I stopped eating those foods – lo and behold – my anxiety attacks vanished!

All those trips to the psychologist and psychiatrist – all those darn medications and side effects – all that needless suffering on top of the condition I was already suffering from – all for what!

Did my conventional family doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist ever once raise the possibility of food sensitivities as a cause of my anxiety attacks?

No – not once.

Did those doctors even give me the time of day when I went back and told them how the problem with my anxiety attacks was solved?

Of course not!

Our politicians need to do something about this absolutely insane situation. We’re a bunch of sheep getting eaten by the wolves out here and I don’t see anyone in Washington doing a darn thing about it!

Heaven help us all,

Paul Lamon
Morrisville, PA

Survivor Story 225:43/77 – Our Politicians Have to Do Something

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A Survivor Speaks Out

2003

This is Survivor Story number 43.
Total number of stories in current database is 77

9/29/2003

Our Politicians Have to Do Something

 

Antidepressants

“Heaven help us all.”

I just discovered your website for the first time today.

I have no idea if this is something of interest to you, but one of the things in my experience with the medical profession that absolutely infuriates me is the following.

A few years ago I developed intense episodes of anxiety. Over a period of nine months I went through a side effects nightmare with a variety of psychiatric medications – Paxil, Wellbutrin, Neurontin, etc. I experienced weakness, nausea, vomiting, sleeplessness, depression, tremors, trouble breathing – just to name a few.

Finally I got fed up and went to a holistic physician. He discovered that I had many food sensitivities. And when I stopped eating those foods – lo and behold – my anxiety attacks vanished!

All those trips to the psychologist and psychiatrist – all those darn medications and side effects – all that needless suffering on top of the condition I was already suffering from – all for what!

Did my conventional family doctor, psychologist or psychiatrist ever once raise the possibility of food sensitivities as a cause of my anxiety attacks?

No – not once.

Did those doctors even give me the time of day when I went back and told them how the problem with my anxiety attacks was solved?

Of course not!

Our politicians need to do something about this absolutely insane situation. We’re a bunch of sheep getting eaten by the wolves out here and I don’t see anyone in Washington doing a darn thing about it!

Heaven help us all,

Paul Lamon
Morrisville, PA

Survivor Story 226:44/77 Antidepressants: “I believed that Satan was living in me.”

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A Survivor Speaks Out

2003

This is Survivor Story number 44.
Total number of stories in current database is 77

9/30/2003

Trust in God, Not in the Drugs

 

Antidepressants

“I believed that Satan was living in me.”

I have finally decided to write and tell my story. The reason it has taken me so long to do so is that I was so afraid of being sought out and persecuted for knowing the truth about these drugs. I was living in absolute terror for about thirteen months from the third day I took Paxil. Then after experiencing all kinds of strange brain/emotional reactions for another two years or so I just wanted to run from the memory for a long time. I am writing today because I realize that I am still suffering from the trauma of what happened to me in the summer of 1997 sort of like PTSD. I am okay finally but I still feel sad (it used to be rage) when I see antidepressants advertised on TV, and I still feel very, very sad when I hear of a suicide of someone who was recently “diagnosed with depression, and when someone dies mysteriously in their sleep at the age of thirty-six and there is talk of that person having been depressed.

My nightmare began in the winter of 1997 when I was 44 years old. I came down with a bizarre bronchial virus that hung on for weeks and gave me the worst asthma I have ever had (I have a history of virus and allergy induced asthma). I relapsed with the virus and nothing seemed to help the asthma. I developed severe anxiety about it (my asthma had always given me anxiety, plus I have a history of anxiety and depression) and my lung specialist gave me Ativan which helped me sleep. However, within a month I went into a severe agitated depression from the tranquilizer. I’m sure it was the tranquilizer because the depression started right after taking it but I developed more anxiety from the depression. It was then that I asked my primary doc for something stronger than a tranquilizer and I was sent to a psychiatrist. He gave me a trial of Paxil and sympathized with my angst. He said the only side effect he was worried about in my case was agitation as I had a history of anxiety and agitation and rumination (obsessive compulsive disorder). He explained how the Paxil would help my brain turn off it’s planning center and not be unduly concerned about things (asthma).

It’s funny, I took the sample home but had reservations about taking it. I had seen a few of my friends go through personality changes on it even though they said they couldn’t function without it. One of them had begun driving like a maniac and she had always been the safest driver on the road. When I asked her to slow down once, because I was afraid, she snarled some derisive comment at me. It was during that period of time that she also threatened her daughter with slitting her throat if she didn’t go to school one day. She (was) a very loving mother but that’s another story.

I continued to get worse, barely getting through each day, my asthma was a little better but I had developed psychological breathing problems by this time which I had never had before. One night while in a state of panic I just took the Paxil. I cut a ten milligram pill in four parts as the psychiatrist had advised and took it. So I was getting only 2.5 milligrams. I was terrified to take the drug but couldn’t stand my agony any more. I was so scared of having an allergic reaction and having my breathing even more compromised.

Within ten minutes of taking the drug I started to cough like something was in my throat but I couldn’t feel anything. It didn’t get any worse and I didn’t feel like I couldn’t breathe. I coughed for about 30 seconds and then I felt this tingling all over my body like heat, but I didn’t itch. Then that calmed down after about five minutes. The really strange thing was that I didn’t react emotionally to what was happening to me. I thought Gee, I’m okay.( Before I would have flipped). And I should have flipped. From that night on I never took another tranquilizer.

I watched something on TV for the first time in months that night and became really engrossed in it. I was able to follow the story without losing my attention and I felt very calm. I was very aware of feeling no anxiety and kept thinking “am I having a placebo reaction because this isn’t supposed to work yet”. But I felt so strange, it’s very difficult to describe. This was no placebo reaction. I went to bed without showering, doing the dishes, checking the door, or taking my inhaler to bed with me. For six months I had never had that inhaler out of my hand .

When I woke up the next morning I felt different than I had ever felt in my whole life. I thought this must be like what other people feel like. I felt like I could fly, very euphoric. I went to the bookstore, which I had always loved to do, but hadn’t done in ages and I was so happy and I mean happy. On the drive there I noticed that my throat felt weird like it was full or swelling up but I really didn’t care. (I can tell you that anybody in their right mind would’ve gone to the E.R.)

It was a glorious day. That night at the same time I took another quarter pill and thought, “Well I can’t believe it, this pill has changed my life”, (even though my house hadn’t been touched work wise all day and we ate takeout). I went to bed so relieved and happy.

When I woke up the next morning, the first thing I noticed was that my face felt weird and I felt very strange like empty and dull. I looked in the mirror and my face was swollen especially my eyes and lips. I could hear my chest wheezing in a way I had never heard. I didn’t have the euphoria at all just felt very ill but was incapable of feeling any fear about it. My first thought was, I am allergic to this pill but I guess I had to take two doses for the allergy to hit like other allergens. I still had the weird feeling in my throat. I really didn’t know what to think. I went to my lung specialist that day thinking,” well I have to use my intellect about this even though I really don’t care”. By the time I got there some of the swelling had gone down and he said the asthma was normal. When I told him what had happened he said, ” well it’s biochemical” and blew it off. So I blew it off, easy to do because I had no emotions) but I knew something was wrong. I figured I’d just wait a few hours or a day or two and I’d be back to my old fearful self.

But, I didn’t get over it. Within five days the glands in my neck were so swollen that if I touched my throat at all I couldn’t breathe, my tongue was swollen with purple lines carved into it, I would get these giant hives that took up half of my thigh, I felt buzzing in my forehead and couldn’t keep my equilibrium and felt like I had cotton in my head. I was starting to panic without any emotion because I seemed to be damaged permanently. I felt like I had the flu and felt like I had cotton in my lungs. I called the psychiatrist and told him that I was waiting for the side effects to go away but that it had been five days. He told me that they might clear up if I just kept taking it. I thought, if these side effects get any worse I won’t be able to breathe at all so there’s no way I’m gonna keep taking it. I also was having euphoria again (sort of attacks of euphoria and when having them thinking that it would be so much fun to slice the meat off of my bones.) I developed a fever, shivering, euphoria, and this horrible discomfort that I truly can not describe. I told him everything except the wanting to hurt myself part because I was starting to get afraid that if I needed help to control the physical symptoms (I was worried I might die from the swelling) he wouldn’t believe me and then help me.

He said to me (and he’s a psychiatrist dealing in these drugs every day) “Call me in three months because your confounded now”. When I hung up the phone I knew I was on my own. I went in tears to get help from my primary care doctor and he icily said ” That’s between you and the psychiatrist”. The next three months was a hell I never thought I’d live through. My throat kept swelling out of the blue, my temperature was always 101, I had a heart rate of 110 at rest (It had always been 60), I became numb all over my body, I couldn’t get food near my face or I’d gag and lost almost thirty pounds. I was allergic to almost every food I did manage to choke down, the glands in my neck were swollen, and had the strongest desire to kill myself as though it was a good idea or something and, I wanted to kill myself violently but I had no depression. However I knew it was the drug unlike some poor souls, so I thought I’ve got to get over this. But the horror of thinking you will never be normal again was so scary. I wanted to cut off my flesh so I could get out of my self and the discomfort. I can’t describe the feeling of not being depressed but of being in despair at the same time. I developed some strange bronchial thing (like being paralyzed) that I can’t describe either except it surprised me every time I took a breath that I could take one.

I was truly in hell as though my body had been taken over by evil spirits. I believed that Satan was living in me.

It is vitally important that whoever reads this understand that I’m not talking about wanting to die because of being so down and hopeless you can’t stand it anymore. I’m talking about a feeling of desiring a bloody death. I felt like one of those horror show weirdo’s who go after their victims with glee. I thought slicing myself up would be great plus be an escape from the horrible discomfort I felt physically (and I thought asthma was the worst thing I could feel).

At one point I got the number of the drug company (whoever makes Paxil), and called them. This was a couple of weeks after I’d taken the drug. I finally got through to someone I deemed high enough up on the totem pole to have any clout and began ranting about what the drug had done to me and begging to speak to one of their researchers so I could have him/her tell me when the drug would wear off. How naive!

Another thing that happened was that any drug I took to try and help myself backfired. When I took Benadryl for the swelling I would get horrible headaches and blurred vision even if I reduced the dose to 6 m. I took a dose of Atarax again hoping to help the swelling and woke up covered in sweat and gasping for air because I likely quit breathing in my sleep.

These drugs intensify the effect of anything else taken (of course no one had bothered to tell me that). This brings me to an interesting point and that is that I can’t believe that doctors are as callous as they seem. I believe that the intensity of these side effects are not made aware of to docs. How could I have been treated so poorly and why do docs tell you “oh maybe you’ll have this one side effect” when the list goes on and on. I had to try and figure things out while I was sick and piece things together on my own. Also, if the psychiatrist had asked pertinent questions about my family history (personality types, etc.) he would have suspected I might have a tendency toward mania, not to mention that anyone with a history of allergies as bad as mine should never be given these drugs. I blame the drug company for these conveniently overlooked side effects.

The bad thing is also, who is going to believe anyone who has to go on these drugs to begin with? There’s the rub!

I haven’t even gotten to the part of the story when I withdrew from the Paxil.

I had a few months when I had enough mania still to feel pretty good and wasn’t having physical symptoms anymore except for a sensation of swelling whenever I had a happy attack. I was so relieved as I knew I was recovered and would have been happy to stay at that new found place. However, It wasn’t to be and at about the 13 month mark I entered a withdrawal that scared me so much. I started feeling like I wanted to run people down with my car. I again felt like killing myself and the temptation to blow my head off was very strong. I had my husband hide his gun and get rid of the bullets. I started cussing at telemarketers when they called and I thought anybody who crossed me was a “fucking asshole”. I devoured so much sugar that I rapidly gained forty pounds. I was very lucky in that I had a lot of insight into what was happening to me and realized that it was another dimension of the drug (as I had just recently still had euphoria attacks). I have always been one of the most compassionate people I know but whenever I heard about horrible things happening to people I would feel very delighted inside. I was sick. I was paranoid that people were tapping my phone and following me. This went on in varying degrees for almost two years.

I lost three years of my life to Paxil in a sense and feel lucky not to have lost my whole life. I believe everything people tell me about their lives now as I lived a nightmare a person would have to live to believe. I do believe these drugs are as dangerous as LSD as it’s impossible to know who will react like I did. It is criminal that we poor souls who do have horrible reactions have no where to turn because you don’t plug into help, like the drug awareness web site, until you have enough of your marbles back to seek the help out. I believe that the drug companies know full well that these drugs don’t just give energy to a person at risk for suicide but change brain chemistry in a way in some people so that they crave death in a way they never would have been able to before. I was at risk for suicide when I was much younger because I was in so much pain from clinical depression and I never came close to having any of the type of desire for a violent death as I had from Paxil. A suicidal depression is wanting to end the pain. A death wish from Paxil is wanting as much pain as you can imagine. There is no comparison.

I now cry when sad things happen, I feel sorry for people, I feel insecure sometimes about myself because I don’t have that drug induced self-righteousness, and I am once again the way God made me. (I also completely lost my connection to God on the drug).

It has taken a lot of courage to write this and it isn’t even everything. If you are suffering from one of these drugs know that you are not alone. Hang on and believe in God even when you can’t feel God. Or if you don’t believe in God believe that you will get better. I believe that you will.