Wellbutrin destroyed my soul

Wellbutrin destroyed my soul
Matt
I’d like to share my account of the complete and total destruction of my soul as a result of antidepressant withdrawal. I didn’t even think such a thing was possible, but I now know that it is.
I’d been on a high dosage of Wellbutrin (generic: Bupropion) for 5 years for depression. I decided to stop taking it because I felt it was losing its effect and I was becoming apathetic. In the months that followed my withdrawal, I gradually began losing my ability to feel emotions. When a close relative died and I could literally feel nothing towards this event, I knew something was wrong.
That is when I decided to reinstate the drug, as I thought I might have been better while taking it. Strangely, reinstating the drug for a month did not help, but instead made things worse. I felt like I kept losing more and more of myself inside. This confused me, and I didn’t know what to do. When I stopped the drug again and reinstated a second time, I experienced one tremendous day of improvement followed by a seizure while sleeping, and waking up in a confused state. After this I regressed and felt completely dead inside.
This waking up in a confused state happened 2 more times, once in May 2010 and once in September 2010. Both of these were preceded by sudden improvements. But upon waking I felt like I had lost a basic part of my self. Not just feelings, but the core of my being. What I felt to be the complete and final destruction of my inner being happened on September 7th, 2010, and there hasn’t been a change since (it has now been 6 months).
I’ve been in an extremely peculiar state for the past 6 months. I have literally lost everything inside of me and no longer have a sense of ”inner being”. My personality has been completely erased, along with the inner psyche I’ve spent a lifetime building. When I attempt to ”look inside”, it is impossible because there is literally nothing there. Everything that made up my specific sense of personal being is gone, including including my hopes, fears, dreams, goals, opinions, values, morals, likes/dislikes, and most strikingly, all emotions and feelings.
I have no feelings associated with past events, and no emotional connections with anything in the world. Specific emotions that defined my personal sense of being are no longer there. People, places, things and events that I thought were etched in my soul as having significance no longer mean a thing. Absolutely nothing, I can’t stress this enough.
I am unable to look backward or forward, have no sense of past accomplishments and no desire for future ones. The strangest thing is, I cannot feel anything toward being in this state, as that part of me is gone too. It’s like a recursive erasure of everything I ever was, am, and will be.
It doesn’t feel like life is a conscious experience that I am having anymore, as there is no inner construct within me to absorb an experience on any level. I see, hear, touch, and smell, yet each of these is so devoid of emotional content that they don’t coalesce into anything meaningful I can call a human consciousness. My sense of being has been replaced by a constant void of nothingness that is unchanging, 24/7, I feel nothing towards the nothingness. It is not like feeling empty inside, there is no inside to feel empty within.
Obviously, antidepressants affect neurotransmitters. Maybe my neurotransmitters were severely imbalanced by the manner in which I withdrew, along the seizure(s) (there is only one I am sure of). What I don’t understand is how a neurotransmitter imbalance could completely erase me as a human being. What I’m experiencing is not depression, anhedonia, or flat affect, but a permanent change in my consciousness that literally destroyed my humanity. All the parts that made up my being are literally gone. I don’t understand how this is even possible, or what (if anything) I can do to change it. Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.

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Wellbutrin (generic: Bupropion)

Wellbutrin (generic: Bupropion)
Matt
I’d like to share my account of the complete and total destruction of my soul as a result of antidepressant withdrawal. I didn’t even think such a thing was possible, but I now know that it is.
I’d been on a high dosage of Wellbutrin (generic: Bupropion) for 5 years for depression. I decided to stop taking it because I felt it was losing its effect and I was becoming apathetic. In the months that followed my withdrawal, I gradually began losing my ability to feel emotions. When a close relative died and I could literally feel nothing towards this event, I knew something was wrong.
That is when I decided to reinstate the drug, as I thought I might have been better while taking it. Strangely, reinstating the drug for a month did not help, but instead made things worse. I felt like I kept losing more and more of myself inside. This confused me, and I didn’t know what to do. When I stopped the drug again and reinstated a second time, I experienced one tremendous day of improvement followed by a seizure while sleeping, and waking up in a confused state. After this I regressed and felt completely dead inside.
This waking up in a confused state happened 2 more times, once in May 2010 and once in September 2010. Both of these were preceded by sudden improvements. But upon waking I felt like I had lost a basic part of my self. Not just feelings, but the core of my being. What I felt to be the complete and final destruction of my inner being happened on September 7th, 2010, and there hasn’t been a change since (it has now been 6 months).
I’ve been in an extremely peculiar state for the past 6 months. I have literally lost everything inside of me and no longer have a sense of ”inner being”. My personality has been completely erased, along with the inner psyche I’ve spent a lifetime building. When I attempt to ”look inside”, it is impossible because there is literally nothing there. Everything that made up my specific sense of personal being is gone, including including my hopes, fears, dreams, goals, opinions, values, morals, likes/dislikes, and most strikingly, all emotions and feelings.
I have no feelings associated with past events, and no emotional connections with anything in the world. Specific emotions that defined my personal sense of being are no longer there. People, places, things and events that I thought were etched in my soul as having significance no longer mean a thing. Absolutely nothing, I can’t stress this enough.
I am unable to look backward or forward, have no sense of past accomplishments and no desire for future ones. The strangest thing is, I cannot feel anything toward being in this state, as that part of me is gone too. It’s like a recursive erasure of everything I ever was, am, and will be.
It doesn’t feel like life is a conscious experience that I am having anymore, as there is no inner construct within me to absorb an experience on any level. I see, hear, touch, and smell, yet each of these is so devoid of emotional content that they don’t coalesce into anything meaningful I can call a human consciousness. My sense of being has been replaced by a constant void of nothingness that is unchanging, 24/7, I feel nothing towards the nothingness. It is not like feeling empty inside, there is no inside to feel empty within.
Obviously, antidepressants affect neurotransmitters. Maybe my neurotransmitters were severely imbalanced by the manner in which I withdrew, along the seizure(s) (there is only one I am sure of). What I don’t understand is how a neurotransmitter imbalance could completely erase me as a human being. What I’m experiencing is not depression, anhedonia, or flat affect, but a permanent change in my consciousness that literally destroyed my humanity. All the parts that made up my being are literally gone. I don’t understand how this is even possible, or what (if anything) I can do to change it.
Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.

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ANTIDEPRESSANTS: Famous Supermodel Jumps Six Floors to Her Death: Columbia

Paragraph 2 reads: “According to a Colombian newspaper, police are
confirming that Marulanda leaped out of the window of her Bogota, Colombia
apartment. Reports are also indicating that Lina was experiencing depression as a
result of a recent separation from her second husband, Carlos Onate. The
stress of the split and a rumor also has surfaced that Lina was on
antidepressants to help her cope with her most recent troubles. According to
reports, Lina had only been married to Onate for four months.”

http://www.rightcelebrity.com/?p=8523

Lina Marulanda, a famous and successful supermodel from Columbia has died
at the young age of 29. She was born on May 15th, 1980 in Medellin,
Colombia. Not only was Marulanda a popular television host, but she will be
remembered as one of Columbia’s most successful models. The news came April 22,
2010 that Lina jumped to her death, falling from her sixth floor apartment,
surely to be devastating news to those close to her.

According to a Colombian newspaper, police are confirming that Marulanda
leaped out of the window of her Bogota, Colombia apartment. Reports are also
indicating that Lina was experiencing depression as a result of a recent
separation from her second husband, Carlos Onate. The stress of the split
and a rumor also has surfaced that Lina was on antidepressants to help her
cope with her most recent troubles. According to reports, Lina had only been
married to Onate for four months.

Lina started modeling at the age of 12 years of age and went on to work as
a television presenter on the Colombian news show, CM&Y Caracol.

There has been no official statement from Lina’s family, friends or
employer. Our thoughts go out to her family and friends. This has to be
devastating news for those close to Lina Marulanda.

660 total views, 2 views today

SSRIs: Sharp Drop in Brain Activity + Worsening Depression & Suicidality

NOTE BY Ann Blake-Tracy (www.drugawareness.org):

Hopefully if you have followed my work or read my book, “Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? – Our Serotonin Nightmare,” you know that I have made the argument for a decade and a half that antidepressants are the most similar drugs we have ever seen to dissociative anesthetics like PCP or Ketamine. They just work in a little slower motion is all. This research would confirm that by showing adrop in brain activity within ONLY 48 hours of use! All one needs to do is go to the one color page inmy book with brain wave patterns of a 31 year old male on Prozac for six months. The brain waves show that the patient is in a total anesthetic sleep state and dreaming while talking with those doing the test on him!
_______________________________________
Paragraph five reads:  “Prior research, Hunter said, has shown that between 8 and 14 percent of depressed patients develop thoughts of suicide while taking the most common forms ofdepression drugs, known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI). Although reports have suggested that SSRIs are to blame, no firm link between these drugs and thoughts of suicide has been established.”

Paragraphs seven and eight read:  “The researchers treated 72 people suffering from majordepressive disorder (MDD) with one of two SSRIs, fluoxetine or venlafaxine, or with a placebo. All were evaluated by a clinician using the Hamilton Depression Rating Scale, a standard instrument that assesses the severity of a wide range of depression symptoms. Of the 37 participants on medication,five (13.5 percent) had worsening thoughts of suicide.”

“All of the participants were also examined using QEEG, which evaluates brain function based on thebrain‘s electrical activity. Among the 13.5 percent of participants who got worse, the researchersfound a sharp drop in brain activity within 48 hours of the start of medication. The dropoccurred in the midline and right-frontal sections of the brain, areas known to control emotions.”

SSRI Stories note:  In regard to placebo & suicidality, it should be remembered that the majority of placebo patients are ‘wash-out’ patients from other antidepressants and thus are actually inantidepressant withdrawal which can be extremely dangerous.

http://www.physorg.com/news189972383.html

Simple test can detect signs of suicidal thoughts in people taking antidepressants

April 8, 2010 By Mark Wheeler

(PhysOrg.com) — UCLA researchers have developed a non-invasive biomarker that may serve as a type of early warning system for doctors and patients.

While antidepressant medications have proven to be beneficial in helping people overcome majordepression, it has long been known that a small subset of individuals taking these drugs can actually experience a worsening of mood, and even thoughts of suicide. No clinical test currently exists to make this determination, and only time  usually weeks  can tell before a psychiatrist knows whether a patient is getting better or worse.

Now, UCLA researchers have developed a non-invasive biomarker, or indicator, that may serve as a type of early warning system.

Reporting in the April edition of the peer-reviewed journal Acta Psychiatrica Scandinavica, Aimee Hunter, an assistant research psychologist in the UCLA Department of Psychiatry, and colleagues report that by using quantitative electroencephalographic (QEEG), a non-invasive measurement of electrical activity in the brain, they were able to observe a sharp reduction of activity in a specific brainregion in individuals who proved susceptible to thoughts of suicide  within 48 hours of the start of treatment.

Prior research, Hunter said, has shown that between 8 and 14 percent of depressed patients develop thoughts of suicide while taking the most common forms of depression drugs, known as selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRI). Although reports have suggested that SSRIs are to blame, no firm link between these drugs and thoughts of suicide has been established.

This study suggests, for the first time, a link between worsening suicidality and specific changes inbrain function while on these medications.

The researchers treated 72 people suffering from major depressive disorder (MDD) with one of twoSSRIs, fluoxetine or venlafaxine, or with a placebo. All were evaluated by a clinician using the Hamilton Depression Rating Scale, a standard instrument that assesses the severity of a wide range of depression symptoms. Of the 37 participants on medication, five (13.5 percent) had worseningthoughts of suicide.

All of the participants were also examined using QEEG, which evaluates brain function based on thebrain‘s electrical activity. Among the 13.5 percent of participants who got worse, the researchers found a sharp drop in brain activity within 48 hours of the start of medication. The drop occurred in the midline and right-frontal sections of the brain, areas known to control emotions.

Of note, eight of the 35 participants taking a placebo (22.9 percent) also had increased thoughts of suicide. However, the placebo participants did not show the precipitous drop in brain activity within the first 48 hours.

“This is the first study to show a change in brain function after the start of medication that appears to be linked to the subsequent development of worsening thoughts of suicide during antidepressant treatment,” Hunter said. “Importantly, changes in this biomarker did not predict worsening suicidal thoughts in the placebo-treated subjects, so the results suggest that the biomarker specifically detected medication-related worsening only.”

QEEG is a relatively inexpensive instrument that is non-invasive; measurements are obtained by placing electrodes on the scalp. As a result, Hunter said, further development of this biomarker could potentially lead to a tool that could be used by clinicians to predict, in the early stages of treatment, whether an individual suffering from depression will develop thoughts of suicide.

Provided by University of California Los Angeles

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DEPRESSION MED: Well-Known Businessman, 52, Dies in Fall Down Stairs: UK

Paragraph one reads:  “A wellknown Suffolk businessman
fell to his death while on anti-depressives prescribed
after the collapse of his company, an inquest heard.”

Paragraph 11
reads:  “After the hearing, Mr Thomas’s widow Jan Thomas thanked the staff
at the coroner’s office for their support and help and told how the
medication her husband was taking before his death had
made him  ‘
dozy’.”

http://www.eadt.co.uk/content/eadt/news/story.aspx?brand=EADOnline&category=News&tBrand=EADOnline&tCategory=xDefault&itemid=IPED17%20Feb%202010%2023%3A34%3A21%3A990

Businessman‘s stairs fall death remains a mystery

LAURENCE CAWLEY

Last
updated: 2/18/2010 11:56:00 AM

A WELLKNOWN Suffolk businessman fell
to his death while on anti-depressives prescribed after the collapse of his
company, an inquest heard.

Clive Thomas, 52, the former managing director
of Anglia Recruitment Group, was reported dead by his wife Jan at their home in

Coddenham Road, Needham Market, in May last year after she found him lying at
the bottom of the stairs.

During an inquest held in Bury St Edmunds
yesterday, it emerged the businessman, who was also a past chairman of the
Suffolk branch of the Institute of Directors and raised tens of thousands of
pounds for a range of charities, had suffered “severe” depression after his firm
went into liquidation.

It was heard that two separate post mortem
examinations to determine the cause of death had proved
inconclusive.

Chief Inspector Nick Bennett said Mr Thomas had suffered a
“nasty injury” to the back of his head during the fall but this had not caused
his death.

He said during the police investigation it emerged Mr Thomas
had endured “quite a severe episode of stress” when his business went into
liquidation earlier in the year for which he was prescribed
medication.

Ch Insp Bennett told how toxicology tests revealed Mr Thomas,
who had an enlarged heart, had consumed alcohol prior to his death and would
have been “unsteady on his feet” at the time of fall.

He also said foul
play had been ruled out.

Greater Suffolk Coroner Dr Peter Dean attributed
cause of death to “postural asphyxiation”, which meant Mr Thomas was unable to
breathe because of the way he was lying at the foot of the stairs.

“We
are not exactly sure how the fall actually occurred,” he said before recording a
narrative verdict that Mr Thomas had died from consequences of a fall down the

stairs.

After the hearing, Mr Thomas’s widow Jan Thomas thanked the staff
at the coroner’s office for their support and help and told how the medication
her husband was taking before his death had made him “dozy”.

Mr Thomas’s mother Cathy Meadows added: “We still don’t know
what happened. There are lots of questions in my mind – but what can you do?”
she asked. “He did lots of things for charities. I am very proud of him. He was
such a good and kindly man and he was always trying to help other people. I
still really cannot believe he has gone. He was such a lovely son to me. I just
can’t believe it – it was such a shock. I just can’t get over this – he was my
only son.”

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ANTIDEPRESSANT WITHDRAWAL: Agitated Man Runs Around with an Ax: England

Paragraphs three through seven read:  “A previous
hearing, the court heard that police were called to the Bonds Street area to
investigate
reports of a man ‘running round with an
axe in an agitated state.”

“The 40-year-old went into his
brother’s house and family members were able to remove the top of the axe and
give it to police.”

“Millar was arrested and during interview said he
had very little recollection of the incident. He told police the axe was
his and that he owned it for work purposes.”

“During sentencing at the
City’s Magistrate’s Court, defence solicitor Maeliosa Barr said Millar was a
“very vulnerable man” and suffered from

depression.”

“ ‘He realised that by not taking
his medication
he got himself into the difficulty he now
faces’.”

SSRI Stories note:  The Physicians Desk Reference lists
amnesia as a Frequent side-effect of Prozac and other
antidepressants.

http://www.londonderrysentinel.co.uk/news/Waterside-man-ran-aroundwith.5627956.jp

Thursday, 10th September 2009

Waterside man ran around with axe

Published Date:
09 September 2009
By Staff reporter

A MAN who admitted running
around the Waterside with an axe has been given a three month jail term
suspended for three years.

Gary Keith Millar, 40, pleaded guilty to
possessing an offensive weapon on July 19, 2009.

A previous hearing, the
court heard that police were called to the Bonds Street area to investigate
reports of a man ‘running round with an axe in an agitated state.

The
40-year-old went into his brother’s house and family members were able to remove
the top of the axe and give it to police.

Millar was arrested and during
interview said he had very little recollection of the incident. He told police
the axe was his and that he owned it for work purposes.

During sentencing
at the City’s Magistrate’s Court, defence solicitor Maeliosa Barr said Millar
was a “very vulnerable man” and suffered from depression.

“He realised
that by not taking his medication he got himself into the difficulty he now
faces.”

Handing down the suspended jail term and ordering the destruction
of the axe, Deputy District Judge Bernie Kelly said: “This is a very serious
offence. The arming of oneself with a weapon has to be taken very
seriously.”

Taking into account the fact that Millar had spent six weeks
in custody on remand, the judge said she hopes this “marks a turning point in
any further offending.”

The full article contains 239 words and
appears in Londonderry Sentinel newspaper.
Page 1 of
1

730 total views, 1 views today

DEPRESSION MED: 14 Year Old Girl Attempts Suicide in School During Class…

Paragraph four reads:  “The victim’s mother said her
daughter
takes medication for ADHD and
depression.”

http://chronicle.augusta.com/stories/latest/lat_703887.shtml?v=1642

Middle school student attempts suicide during class
Stephanie
Toone | South Carolina Bureau Chief
Thursday, Dec. 10, 2009 4:42
p.m.

GRANITEVILLE – A Leavelle McCampbell Middle School student tried
to commit suicide in a classroom Wednesday by overdosing on prescription drugs.


An art teacher at the middle school on Canal Street said the 14yearold
took close to 50 pills during class around 8:15 a.m. in an attempt to kill
herself, according to an Aiken County Sheriff’s Office report. The student was
transported to Aiken Regional Medical Center’s emergency room, but there were no
details on her condition.

Two students told investigators that the
student said she was going to take her “death pills,” then swallowed the
cocktail of prescription drugs, according to the report.

The victim’s
mother said her daughter takes medication for ADHD and depression.


Cecelia Davidson, associate superintendent for administration, said she
was not aware of the incident, but said the guidance and principal staff has
protocol for suicide threats or attempts.

From the Thursday, Dec. 10,
2009 online edition of The Augusta Chronicle

497 total views, 1 views today