Note: Thank you so very much to Nick Cole for sharing this most important information on the dangers of cold turkey withdrawal from these deadly mind altering medications!!!! As we have warned for two decades coming off these drugs too quickly can even be worse than staying them! (And if you have educated yourself on the effects of these drugs you know how deadly staying on them can be!)

Three years ago today, I checked myself into rehab for prescribed iatrogenic benzodiazepine and psych drug dependence. Not knowing any better and without support to come off of the drugs (that I finally KNEW were the cause of all my years of illness) from my doctor, I allowed them to cold-turkey me from six psychiatric drugs (Klonopin, Xanax, Ambien, Remeron, Seroquel, Adderall). Within months, I was suicidal and psychotic and could no longer cope in that condition.

Going to rehab was the second biggest mistake in my life; the first was ever taking this poison in the first place. They treated me horribly, like a street-junkie and called me an addict, forced me to AA/NA meetings – for medications that my doctor prescribed for me and told me to take regularly for my supposed “mental illness”. What they did to me was criminal, barbaric and medically unsound.

I attempted to reinstate the benzo only (I stayed off of the others) to taper with minimal success, as 4 months had passed in the cold-turkey state and the drugs don’t always work again that far off from a CT. I tapered off of the Valium that I reinstated and have been off for almost 10 months.

Everyday is still a living hell where I’m bed-bound for the majority of the day. I wouldn’t wish this on anyone (except maybe the psychiatrist who is responsible for this inhumane suffering). I am in severe pain, have DP/DR, cognitive dysfunction, a sensation that I’m “on a boat out to sea”, nausea, blurred vision, mood swings, depression and a plethora of other debilitating symptoms with no end in sight. I can barely physically take care of myself and I live alone with no in-person support. I cannot work. I lost my home, my friends, my family and everything that was of any value to me, other than my life which I came scarily close to losing too.

PLEASE DO NOT allow anyone to cold-turkey you from psychiatric drugs. You will be at risk for a severe, protracted withdrawal syndrome that could last for YEARS. Do your research and homework and find someone who has knowledge of tapering these medications to guide you. If your doctor tries to rush you off of your medications- FIND ANOTHER DOCTOR that will support you in a slow taper at a speed your body can tolerate.

I can only hope that with more time I will see more improvements and functionality. Psychiatric drugs are toxic poison which disable the brain and CNS.

The worst part is that I didn’t need ANY of these medications. I allowed a doctor to label me, to drug me and to destroy my life over “work-related stress” which spiraled into polydrugging with multiple psych meds because the more drugs that were added, the more I experienced tolerance and side effects that were MISdiagnosed by a pill-pushing psychiatrist as “mental illness”. It can happen SO easily to anyone who’s vulnerable, trusting and uneducated about the destructive nature of these medications. I thought the same as SO many other psych drug victims- “Surely, my doctor wouldn’t prescribe me something harmful”. I was very terribly WRONG. And when I became sick from the medication, the medical community not only abandoned me as a patient but blamed me for my own suffering.

It is my hope that before I die that we see the “psychiatric drug bubble” burst and the truth revealed about these noxious poisons that are being handed out all over the world to innocent unsuspecting people and children. Until then, I will not give up. I will fight to continue to spread the word about these drugs and the people who prescribe them. And I will continue to fight to reclaim my health that was unfairly stolen from me.

Thank you to everyone in the psych drug withdrawal communities online who have befriended me, supported me and loved me when the rest of the world turned their backs on me, blamed me and wrote me off as “mentally ill” or “not trying hard enough”. Thank you for your validation and for sharing your stories and experiences so candidly so that others can learn from you and not make the same mistakes. All of you are the biggest warriors I have ever met. I wouldn’t be alive today without your support and friendship. You know who you are and I am so grateful for you.

For anyone going through this – keep going. I’m told we all recover and heal with time. As hard as it is, it has to be worth it to be medication-free and healthy; out from underneath the control of doctors and their “medicines”.

Peace and continued healing to each and everyone of you. Much love.

You never know what you’re gonna get…Thank you Psychiatry and Big Pharma. For turning me into a tripolar MESS.

Nick Cole

WARNING: In sharing this information about adverse reactions to antidepressants and dangers of cold turkey withdrawal any mind altering medication I always recommend that you also give reference to my CD on safe withdrawal, Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant [or Benzo, or Atypical Antipsychotic]!, so that we do not have more people dropping off these drugs too quickly – a move which I have warned from the beginning can be even more dangerous than staying on the drugs! Done correctly withdrawal does not have to be painful and dangerous.

The FDA also now warns that any abrupt change in dose of an antidepressant can produce suicide, hostility or psychosis. And these withdrawal reactions can either come on very rapidly or even be delayed for months depending upon the adverse effects upon sleep patterns due to the rapid withdrawal!

You can find the CD on safe and effective withdrawal helps here:

Ann Blake Tracy, Executive Director,
International Coalition for Drug Awareness &
Author: ”Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? – Our Serotonin Nightmare – The Complete Truth of the Full Impact of Antidepressants Upon Us & Our World” & Withdrawal CD “Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant!”

PROZAC & 6 other drugs: Toxicology of Brittany Murphy, Actress: California

NOTE FROM Ann Blake-Tracy:

Why would anyone be surprised at this sudden heart attack in a
32 year old with this combination of drugs? This is far too similar
a combination of prescriptions that young healthy soldiers are returning
home on and dying in their sleep.
Sentence three reads:  ” Included in the drug list that
TMZ reported were Topamax, anti-seizure medication, Klonopin and Ativan for
anxiety and the pain relievers Klonopin, Ativan, Vicoprofen,
.  Also,  depression medication
Fluoxetine [PROZAC ] and
hypertension medication Propranolol.”

Brittany Murphy’s autopsy report is on LOCKDOWN!  The
list of prescription drugs that were found in the house were leaked to TMZ and
made public.  Included in the drug list that TMZ reported were Topamax,
anti-seizure medication, Klonopin and Ativan for anxiety and the pain relievers

Klonopin, Ativan, Vicoprofen, Hydrocodone.  Also,
depression medication Fluoxetine and hypertension medication

TMZ received notes laying out the timeline of
Brittany’s death on Sunday morning.  The information was apparently
confidential and was not authorized for the media to publish.  The
investigators don’t know where the information came from or how TMZ got a hold
of the information.

TMZ would not say where the information was

The investigators are not confirming that the prescription drug
list that was leaked is the same as to what they found at the house.  The
investigators are now searching for whoever leaked the

Toxicology tests may take 4-8 weeks to confirm exact cause
of death.  For now, Brittany has died from “natural” causes meaning there
is not visual trauma to her body leading to her death.

ZOLOFT & WELLBUTRIN: Teen Attempts Suicide: Louisiana

First two paragraphs read:  “Now drug-free, J.K., a
Narconon Louisiana drug rehabilitation treatment graduate, tells the story of
how his addiction started and how it ended. J.K. spent his adolescent years
under the care of a psychiatrist. He started seeing the doctor when he was
12 or 13 up until the time he was 19 years old. Ten to
fifteen minutes into his first visit
he was diagnosed with bipolar
disorder, anxiety and unstable emotions. He was given Zoloft,
Atavan, and Klonopin as treatment.”

“Not only were J.K.’s
symptoms not helped by the drugs, but because of the side
effects of the Zoloft
he began experiencing suicidal
Due to these side effects his medication was switched to

Welbutrin, which not only increased his suicidal thoughts, but
caused him to overdose on his medications in what would be his
first suicide attempt. The FDA has since placed a black box warning on antidepressants warning of
this occurrence in adolescents and young adults.”

Narconon Louisiana drug rehab graduate traces roots of addiction back to
psychiatric medications

October 20, 2009 Health News

(PRLEAP.COM) Now drug-free, J.K., a Narconon
Louisiana drug rehabilitation treatment graduate, tells the story of how his
addiction started and how it ended. J.K. spent his adolescent years under the
care of a psychiatrist. He started seeing the doctor when he was 12 or 13 up
until the time he was 19 years old. Ten to fifteen minutes into his first visit
he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, anxiety and unstable emotions. He was
given Zoloft, Atavan, and Klonopin as treatment.

Not only were J.K.’s
symptoms not helped by the drugs, but because of the side effects of the Zoloft
he began experiencing suicidal thoughts. Due to these side effects his
medication was switched to Welbutrin, which not only increased his suicidal
thoughts, but caused him to overdose on his medications in what would be his
first suicide attempt. The FDA has since placed a black
box warning on antidepressants
warning of this occurrence in adolescents and
young adults.

In a recent interview J.K. explains that because of what he
had been told by his psychiatrist, he began to think that everything he was
thinking or feeling could be controlled by some kind of pill or

“Most times, these substances could be found in my own home,
inside little orange prescription bottles,” he explains, “[But then] I began
developing addictive personality traits by turning to street drugs, like
marijuana, cocaine, and pain killers to numb my emotions. Why? Because,
essentially, I had been told that having emotions is a disease that requires
treatment, or ‘management’.”

Once J.K. became addicted to street drugs as
well as his prescriptions, his problems continued to escalate. Luckily, before
he lost his life to drugs he found a rehabilitation facility with a totally drug-free
called Narconon Riverbend; located in Denham Springs,


During his treatment he had to come to terms with his past
problems as well as the road that his psychiatric therapy led him

“I had let drugs take over my life to such a huge extent that I was
no longer able to take care of myself or those around me,” he says. “I regret
that I have been lied to by a multi-billion dollar Psychiatric industry. I
regret that I tried to end my own life twice. I’m angry that these events were
the ‘side-effects’ of psychotropic medication. I especially regret the effect
that these events had on my family.”

No longer holding on to regret, J.K.
has now successfully overcome his prescription and street drug addiction and is
happily living life 100% drug-free. Today he is in control of his life – not a
psychiatrist, not street drugs or prescriptions.

J.K. does warn doctors
in the type of medications they prescribe, saying; “Next time you hand out a
prescription for the latest fad in psych meds, remember that your signature
could be the worst thing that ever happened to your ‘patient’”.

Narconon program specializes in getting people off all drugs and has helped
thousands become free from medications. If you or someone you know is addicted
to street drugs or prescriptions and is looking for a way to successfully get
off drugs permanently contact Narconon Louisiana today at

My Life with Paxil and Klonopin

“The nightmare goes on with in me.”

I started Paxil when I was in the middle of a bad divorce. I had a great Doctor and she saw me falling apart. I told her what was going on and My life was not mine any more. I started taking Paxil before Paxil CR came about. I was up to 25mg when started. I was never told about the side effects.

Anyway I started to feel better at 1st but then I had to get off because my Health Insurance changed. I was only on it for 3 months the 1st time. Anyway things got really bad to where I wouldn’t not go out ,and was unable to think right.

My job was on the line. All I wanted to do was die. Then in July 2003 I just couldn’t take much more. Unsure of myself and the things I was thinking about scared me to no end.

I would work over nights so I didn’t have to be alone. I prayed that would keep me from hurting myself. But then it happen July 18 2003 I was told to go home and sleep take your day off and enjoy the sunshine. I told one of the ladies at work I don’t feel right about going home. She said hey you are just over tired. I started to cry and gave her my phone number in chase something happen. She said you will be just fine go and enjoy your day. I wanted to tell her I wanted to die, but just couldn’t bring myself to say it.

I went home looked around and said this is it. I have lost everything I have worked for and I am alone now. Well it was time to end my pain. My son was out of town. I have raised him well. He is out on his own now. Which was hard for me to deal with. But hell, almost 21 yrs old. I need to let him go now. So I made some calls and started to do what my mind was thinking.

And really believe it would be better this way. Well all the Paxil I had left in my apartment and what ever else I could find and two big bottles of wine, I was on my way to peace.

My best Friend talked to me for a few mins, before I blacked out. She didn’t know where I lived, But some how found me. By the time they go here I was on my way!

The next thing I could remember was waking up in the ER. Not knowing why I was there. Well I got locked up and the next day saw my new Doc.

Still feeling very unsure of things and not wanted to take the meds they want to put me on. I had to do as I was told. So here comes Paxil CR and Klonopin. I stayed in the hosp. for 4 days and went to group and saw my Doc again, but something was not right. I still had the thinking of not wanting to live.

He told me that it will take about 14 days for the Paxil CR to start working and I will start to feel better soon. And would see me in a week at his office.

Well I saw him again in a week and I told him I didn’t have the money to pay for Paxil CR. He said he would help me. Ok I trusted him so I got all the free samples I need to have. But after a month everything was the same, so he upped my dose.

And said I will see you in 6 weeks. Went back to see him feeling the same. Things were not getting any better. He upped my dose now taking 25mg plus 12.5 mgs! That gave me a dose of 37.5 well see u in 8 weeks now.

Things got really bad at work and I was not sure what would happen next. Called him on the phone and told him I was in a living hell. He told me to come see him. Well I did and the dose went up to 25 mg 2 times a day and the Klonopin 4 times a day or more as need.

I left his office with a bag full of Paxil CR and called my sister and told this is not right. Something is wrong here. If it is not working then why up the dose.

So I stopped taking the Paxil CR and My body started to break down. Get upset over every little thing. Could not sleep anymore and can not keep my mind on one thing.

I called my mom thinking I was crazy and she looked in to Paxil CR, and told me I shouldn’t have stopped taking it. I need to go back on and go off it slowly.

Well I did just that, but now new things are popping up. I can’t sleep at nite and all my joints in my body hurt. I still can’t keep my head right. And I have been off the Paxil CR and the Klonopin for a few weeks.

I need to know when I will start to feel better. But you know what I find very sad—Is that if my doc knew all this and did not tell me. How can he live with himself. I know my life will get better in time. But I need to know what else will happen to me. I think free samples are great, but I also think we need to know more about the meds we take,. And what are the long term side effect? Had I known what I do now. I would never had taken the Paxil CR.

Thank You for hearing me out. Have a great day. Peace out

maureen Phillips


Zoloft, Wellbutrin, and Klonopin for Brother’s Bad Marriage

“His life has been tragic since he was prescribed these medications.”

I am so excited and saddened to find this web site!?

My brother was in a bad marriage and went to his doctor for depression (I think he was in the beginning of a nervous breakdown). His doctor prescribed Zoloft, Wellbutrin, and Klonopin.

After about 3 weeks my brother started drinking and had never had a drinking problem before. He then saved the Klonopin and tried to kill himself by overdosing and taking 50 within two days of each other but I found him and his wife took him to the hospital.

He has gone through somewhat psychotic periods mainly when he is drinking. It has been 4 months of absolute torment for him and all of us as his family members. Now he has separated from his wife and is still drinking about a half-gallon of Vodka a day. What can we do? Is there any legal repercussion that can be taken by these victims. His life has been tragic since he was prescribed these medications. He has lost his job, destroyed his vehicle and distanced his children due to his alcohol problem.

Thank you for telling others and for this web site. I thought this was a possibility after reading about serotonin and the way it works. I also think that the genetic predisposition of lack of serotonin is not being taken into consideration by MDs. My dad was an alcoholic and I truly believe he had a problem with hypoglycemia also, he died at the age of 42. In my research and praying for answers to various problems in my family I think genetics has a lot to do with the depression and the drugs made it worse for my brother. If the doctors would research backgrounds of family history by asking the simple questions about alcohol addiction my brother might not be going through this right now.

Thank you once again and if there is anything that you think would help please e-mail me.

Thank YOU

Carol Harper

12 drugs in 4 years caused near fatal effects

“Within 4 days of starting Paxil I was experiencing racing thoughts and was extremely suicidal.”

So that some of this makes sense, at the age of 7, I was hospitalized with an unknown virus that attacked my major organs. Although I recovered quite well given the severity of the illness, I was left with minor liver damage and it was noted in my medical records that I was very medication sensitive. I repeatedly told each psychiatrist I saw about the liver damage.

In 1999 at the age of 14 I was admitted to aN adolescent psychiatric unit for depression and suicidal ideation. One day later I was prescribed the antidepressant Prozac and addictive anti-anxiety drug Klonopin by a psychiatrist who I’d never even met. After my first dose of both drugs and for the next few weeks I felt like I was drunk, I could barely walk and was unable to stay awake. I was kept on these drugs for 3 months, in that time I began to self-injure and was kicked out of public high school because of repeatedly falling asleep in class, until I complained to my psychiatrist of severe memory loss, he had me quit both cold turkey and begin Paxil.

Within 4 days of starting Paxil I was experiencing racing thoughts and was extremely suicidal. When my psychiatrist found this out he quickly diagnosed me as bipolar and put me on Tegretol and Risperdal. I was pulled off the Tegretol 2 weeks later due to extreme dizziness. I was told that Risperdal was aN antidepressant and at that time I was one extremely physically ill 15 year old kid and in no position to question my doctor.

After 2 months of continual nightmares caused by Risperdal I began to experience a horrible (for anyone yet alone a teenager) side effect, my body started to act like I was pregnant! My period stopped and I began to lactate. I was taken off the Risperdal and given Effexor, which made me suffer from severe insomnia and agitation and was given Trazadone to help me sleep. At this time my psychiatrist was moving out of state and my mom chose a new one for me, neither she nor I knew he specialized in ADHD. I was then given Ritalin and told my anxiety and drug induced agitation was actually a sign of ADHD.

I took only one pill of Ritalin and spend the rest of the day curled in a ball on my bed unable to move because of extreme stomach pain. When my psychiatrist found out I’d only taken that one dose he admonished me for not giving it time to work and gave me a prescription for Dipresamine. I had a severe allergic reaction, my arms and legs were covered in a rash which then turned into hives and I started having trouble breathing. My mom called the psychiatrist. After a 4 hour wait he returned the call and began to yell at my mom for calling and bothering him, he finally told her to not give me any more Dipresamine and he’d phone the pharmacy with a prescription for Zoloft.

After I recovered from the reaction I started the Zoloft, within an hour of taking it began to throw up and continued to for a few hours, this repeated with each dose of Zoloft I took and I stopped taking it after a week. At this time a therapist I was seeing recommended a certain psychiatrist for me to see. I met with him and he prescribed Depakote. I told him I wouldn’t take medicines that required blood tests and he assured me I didn’t need them on Depakote (I now know that isn’t true).

After 3 weeks I felt like a zombie and began having hallucinations, hand tremors, and had gained a lot of weight. I asked the psychiatrist if Depakote could be causing it all and he told me absolutely not. He went on to say what I was obviously developing schizophrenia and gave me a prescription for Risperdal (yes, he did know of my previous bad reaction) which I never took.

A few days later my cousin who is a nurse’s assistant came to have dinner with me and my parents. We started talking and I told her about the weird problems and the hallucinations. When she’d heard everything, her exact words were “I’m taking you to the emergency room, NOW!” She took me to the hospital that she worked at and had a doctor she knew in the ER examine me. He ordered the first ever lab tests done on me, and told me that my liver enzymes were high and I had a dangerous level of Depakote in my body, and that if I continued to take the Depakote I would likely go into liver failure within a few weeks.

After being told to go to my regular doctor in a few weeks to have liver enzymes checked again, and to return immediately if I got worse, I was sent home and promptly threw the rest of the Depakote in the trash. It took over 3 months for the hallucinations, weight gain, and hand tremors to go away. My liver enzymes went down, but they never returned to what they had been before I’d taken the Depakote. I’ve been told that my liver functions at about 70% of what a healthy liver does, a large part of that damage is from the Depakote.

I’d like to say that was the end of my experience with psychiatric drugs, but I hadn’t quite learned my lesson. Recently another therapist insisted I see a psychiatrist, who gave me Buspar. Buspar is advertised as the only nonaddicting anti-anxiety drug. After taking it for 11 days I felt dulled and slowed so I stopped taking it. I suffered through 3 days of withdrawals including headaches, dizziness, lose of coordination, insomnia, and severe muscle aches. Now, I’ve learned my lesson!

I was told I had ever disorder imaginable, including schizophrenia, and that my future was long term hospitalization. I proved them wrong. I entered an alternative program funded by the public school district where we were considered to be public school students but attended class at a separate location from the public high school. In May 2003, I graduated with a 3.97 GPA, the highest in the alternative program, had a class rank of 13 out of 350 students at the public high school, and was chosen to give a speech at my graduation ceremony.

In August I’m starting college at a small liberal arts college in the Midwest and planning to become a special education teacher for children with behavior disorders.


Psychiatric drugs – Long path of uncertainty.

“Through all the experiences with these drugs, I think they should be banned. I don’t believe a one of them helped me in the long run.”

I am 18 yrs old, since the age of 12 I have been on, Ativan, Paxil, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, Zyprexa, Lexapro, Klonopin, Prozac, probably more in fact, I’d say I took most of the popular ones on the market.

Through all the experiences with these drugs, I think they should be banned. I don’t believe a one of them helped me in the long run, temporarily it may have, because some of them were narcotics. But to this day, at 18 yrs old, I know I will never be me again, I know somehow, someway it altered my personality for life, which is the most frustrating feeling a person can have in my opinion, wanting to be what is rightfully yours, yourself.

At the moment, I am coming off Lexapro, and I was only on this drug for 3 weeks, a small dose also, 10MG. Yet, I am having the same withdrawal affects as I did on Paxil, and Zoloft that I took for many months, the ‘shocks’ I like to call them, some people explain them with dizzy spells, electricity racing through the body, as if it releases through the brain, through the rest of your body, It truly makes me sick to my stomach when I see commercials on these drugs saying, Zoloft is not habit forming, Paxil is not habit forming. Because if your body has such horrible symptoms from not having a substance, is that not classified as habit-forming? Not habit forming, but yet if I took one of my pills right now, those symptoms would suddenly cease to exist, if that’s not habit-forming to your body, then I have no idea what is.

These drugs have made me high, they have made me low, they’ve made me hallucinate, paranoid, delusional, scared to death, crazy, suicidal, apathetic, detached, and most of all, they’ve made me not me. Which angers me more than anything. I look at the these drug industries, just like I look at a corporations like Phillip Morris. Who distribute harmful habit-forming substances to the ignorant. For the simple purpose of making handfuls of money, cause I believe that is the root of all evil. I am sympathetic to people who suffer with any form of mental illness, cause in the long run, it gets very hopeless if these drugs don’t work for you, cause you know there is something wrong, you take these drugs, they may work, they may not. If they don’t, then what? Do you continue looking for a simple-answer locked up inside a small pill.

That you really don’t understand what place they play in your body. Or do you stay with your natural self, and still feel terrible, That’s where the hopelessness comes from to many, although, I believe there is other possibilities,

For each individual out there, this will differ, some can cope simply by talking, others reading, some people take the destructive route, which I have, and many others continue to, drugs, alcohol. But even as I did take these various routes, there was/is something missing, but people must look, and continue to look. Although it’s a difficult way to live, there is still hope, I don’t think the answer lies inside a man-made pill. But that’s me, I am reluctant to recommend these drugs to people finding out they have a form of mental illness and are recommended medication, for the simple reason of uncertainty.

So many things can go wrong on them, At this point in history I truly don’t know if man-kind is ready to start messing with what makes up everything we are, the brain. It seems as if humans likes to start messing with things before they fully understand them, which I think is very dangerous. That seems logical to me, But when I ask doctors, why am I having these symptoms, from this drug, that is supposed to be so safe, I get, “I don’t know.”

As for me I will stop taking all these drugs, There is a few of them on my list above that I would do about anything to get off the market. So, ask questions, do research, don’t jump onto the long road of experimenting with this uncertain branch of drugs, for your son, daughter, yourself, or any loved one for that matter.



Coming Off Paxil—the Hard Way

“…I told him I was going to just end it all and kill myself.”


I was prescribed Paxil by a walk in clinic doctor. During the first week nothing seemed real, and I wasn’t able to express my emotions. Everything was calm and ethereal.

I was going through a very hard time with my boyfriend and breaking up. By the 3rd week, I was in a level fog, unable to get too upset or too happy. All I wanted to do was sit down and read or sleep. I didn’t want to take a shower or get out of bed. I’m normally a very motivated person but I just didn’t care anymore. I couldn’t follow conversations and didn’t really want people to talk around me; I just wanted to sit quietly.

It’s now been one month and I am trying to wean myself off Paxil. I was on 50 mg a day, which I am now understanding is a high dose. I was also taking Klonopin at night. I started skipping my Paxil every other day, and then chopped a few in half. I have terrible headaches, where I literally have to hold my head in hands; it feels like it will rip open. Every time I cough or move my head it hurts and spins. I have had diarrhea for 2 days now. I sweat constantly and my body hurts like when you have the flu. My fingers and toes have tingles and dead spots. I went to my boyfriend’s the other night and told him I was going to just end it all and kill myself.

I honestly felt like it was the right logical answer. I have all these feelings of despair. I can’t seem to think straight. I finally began writing in my diary trying to tell myself it was just the Paxil. I found several websites addressing these problems with Paxil and I feel better. I am 27 years old, and I don’t want to end up a cliche…I am going to keep weaning myself off this drug and begin exercising and eating healthy, to get it out of my system. Now that I know all these weird thoughts aren’t me…just the Paxil. I am going to be brave and make it thru.

NOTE FROM ANN BLAKE-TRACY: This is why this is the wrong way to come off these drugs! The roller coaster effect in one’s mood swings of taking the drug every other day is horrendous! It is so important to know to wean VERY gradually off these medications and once again I would recommend my hour and a half long tape detailing how to do this without these horrible reactions.




This is Survivor Story number 20.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

Prozac and Klonopin Wrecked My Life

“They ruined me. I am damaged goods forever.”


I am a mom of three, married and now (sort of) normal – although I have bouts of depression I have managed to maintain some sense of sanity, well—as much as I can considering I messed my life up by using Klonopin and Prozac and Paxil.

In the beginning of my usage of anti depressants (1993) the docs tried me on everything, amitriptilyne, BusPar, Serzone, and many many others that I cannot remember (my memory is still kind of crappy, can you tell?)

I had clinical depression and anxiety. Panic attacks anxiety and thoughts of suicide.

In 1994 the doc put me on a mixture of Prozac and Klonopin. This was the most horrible thing that ever happened to me. I was a crappy mom, thank god (or whatever) I had a great patient husband to stick by me and take care of the kids! I also began to think I was kind of like superman. I thought I could do anything, even break the law and get away with it. I did break the law and ended up on felony probation for 5 years (actually 2 five years sentences running concurrently) for “felony intimidation”. That wrecked my life BIG TIME — you have no idea. I once had dreams and goals, and they all came to a crashing halt from that. On Prozac I was violent. I broke my hand twice from punching walls, and I was more suicidal than ever. I had a noose ready in the basement, hidden in the beams – for “just in case” and I used to go down there alone and swing on it to test its strength and plan on how I was going to do it (kill myself) one day soon.

The klonopin – I thought it was a great drug for four years, I called it “my drunk in a pill”. I gained 70 pounds from all of these pills, I lost hair, I have terrible skin/acne, I was agoraphobic and afraid of everyone, and I basically sunk to the lowest level I could ever get to. I wouldn’t go for groceries, I wouldn’t leave the house, and I hid in dark depression taking my Paxil and Klonopin…thinking it was helping me.

1997 springtime, I put myself through detox/drug rehab to get off of Klonopin. I couldn’t do it alone and had tried many many many times. They tapered me off, and I went home and three days later my world shattered. I had severe withdrawal, ringing in my ears, stomach cramps, no memory – so much more -I sincerely thought I was brain damaged forever. It took 6 weeks of hell to start to feel better. That was the tip of the iceberg though. I still suffer many things, like a terrible memory and TOTAL feelings of confusion.

I tapered off of Paxil (the antidepressant I was put on after Prozac made me so freaking weird), and now (2001) I get by breathing and taking vitamins and just coping on my own without depending or hoping there is a cure in a pill.

Needless to say, I am an ex-felon now. My name was all over the front page of newspapers. I am embarrassed to fill out a job app because they want to know your criminal history, and my life is altered because of these so called “helpful” miracle drugs. I screwed my kids, my husband and myself by taking these pills. I embarrassed and humiliated my family; I wrecked my life, and caused innocent people to fear for their lives.

I would suggest to anyone, try to get through whatever is happening in your life without taking these pills. They mess up your head. They are all physically addicting (even though docs tell you different) and they can ruin you.

They ruined me. I am damaged goods forever.

I feel sorry for my kids.

Do NOT take these pills!

DO NOT TAKE THESE PILLS and if you are on them or know someone who is, HELP them to stop before they wreck their life or someone else’s.

If I knew then what I know now, I wouldn’t have a criminal record.



This is Survivor Story number 17.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

Kerri’s Story – My Dark Place on Psychotropic Drugs and ECT

“I had the “electric jitz which feels literally like hot coals inside your back.”


An Introduction by Ann Blake-Tracy

I am so concerned at how many I continue to see go through ECT because of reactions they are having to the SSRIs that doctors refuse to see! There is absolutely no need for someone to go through the additional trauma and damage caused by forced seizure activity from an electrical current when what is needed is withdrawal from the offending medication. And why do these doctors remain ignorant of the fact that ECT contraindicated while on SSRI medication due to the risk of the life threatening reaction of “Serotonin Syndrome”? We continue to suffer from an abundance of ignorance about these meds.
I wanted to share my story as a psychiatric drug survivor. I am a college student, I was a senior earlier but this year I had withdraw because of the above problem (i.e. psychiatric drugs) so next year I am to have my senior year.
In August I went to the doctor to refill my anxiety med, Xanax, and because I was concerned with my increasing number of panic attacks. The nurse practitioner refused to give me klonopin (my friend is on that for her anxiety) and instead thrust Paxil at me.

She told me I would “feel crummy for a week” but that after 6-8 weeks it would help my anxiety attacks and it would feel like I wasn’t on anything at all. Stupidly and to my detriment I believed her. I was put on 10 mg. I only lasted 6 days on the stuff! I lost 10 pounds in that period, was dry-heaving and horribly nauseated, I had the “electric jitz” which feels literally like hot coals inside your back (I swear that to God!), palpitations, WORSE anxiety that could not be diminished, I became detached, was unable to concentrate, was crying uncontrollably, had awful stomach gas so tight I couldn’t breathe, had breathing problems, my period lasted 11 days and was heavier than I could ever remember it being, I was constipated, then I had constant diarrhea. Then my thoughts started to race. I went back to the doctor and he just looked at me and asked me why didn’t I just take my Xanax for the anxiety! They told me I was fine, and that it was panic and that I’d be fine. But oh no, fine was the last thing I was. I tried to keep working at my job and had to quit, went back to school and they found me a psychiatrist, who told me that I’d get better and that there were lots of things out there to help me. So he tried me on Celexa.

I was now TERRIFIED of the SSRIs so I didn’t want to, but I tried it for 2 days and stopped it because it made my jitteriness much worse again. So then Dr. H gave me Desipramine. I tried to go to classes, but finally had to withdraw because the meds were making me sicker and sicker and more depressed. I was now down to 84 pounds. This was in early October. My parents took me home to GA, where we found a meds doctor, Dr. W. I slipped farther and farther into the abyss, and then suddenly the Desipramine lifted my mood. It worked like that for ten days, but all the while the racing thoughts were prominent, and my hands kept shaking, and I was well, “high.” Then it kicked out.

So Dr. W upped my dosage (I was at 150 mg) too 200mg, and overdosed me, so I wound up in the hospital because apparently I was threatening to throw myself over the railing of our house or something. (NOTE: not once during the whole ordeal did I ever attempt anything, I merely thought about it).

I saw a Dr. K, there, and he started me on Effexor. This med didn’t work, and it never did anything too bad to my body or mind. Finally, since that wasn’t working, Dr. K put me on this stuff called Risperdal and Depakote. He overdosed me again!! My parents tell me (I have no recollection of this and am thankful to God that I don’t) that I was literally running up and down the stairs because my body couldn’t keep still, the tremors were so bad.

Dr. K wound up going on vacation, and this great doctor, Dr. A. filled in for him. I knew one thing. Dr. A. did ECT. Dr. A. suggested I try Prozac (I was even more terrified after both Paxil, Celexa, and the other meds) but apparently I asked him if I could get ECT done since I knew it was the very last resort and I didn’t really think I’d like to stay like that for the rest of my life. So I got the ECT and within 3 treatments, I was COMPLETELY BACK TO NORMAL. I had all my feelings back, I was ME, I was peppy like usual, I felt terrific! I wish I could remember how it was to wake up that way. My mother told me that I went to sleep and woke up at 4 one afternoon, completely myself again. It was a true miracle. Apparently this is very unusual with ECT because it’s supposed to take many more treatments before you are anywhere near well. After I was done with he ECT the doctors still had me on Prozac.

While I will ill, all I ever said were 3 things: 1) “I’m never going to get better” 2) It’s permanent brain damage” and 3) I want to die. So the idiot doctors diagnosed me as OCD. So I’m fine by February, but all of a sudden my body starts rejecting the Prozac. My vision started blurring out (this was also because of the ECT medication), my anxiety level was rising (I was popping an anxiety pill every 2 days at this point), my limbs were twitching and jumping, I was getting more of that awful stomach gas, and I was starting to get scared. So I made my doctor get me off it and he let me stop it abruptly (since doing that with the other SSRIs is hazardous to your health!!!) and now I am only on 7 mg of Remeron which I am getting off of late this month.

I wanted to sue because of all the losses I suffered this year including: my mental and physical health; my dumping my boyfriend while I was stoned on tranquilizers, the loss of my senior year of college with friends that I have been with for the last 4 years, all the trouble getting reinstated at my college, the nightmares, my fear of even taking ibuprofen for a headache, or even a vitamin, my hatred of psychiatric medicines, therapists, and the drug companies, my fear of going back to that dark place, all that lost time!!!! But I can’t sue because I’m not in the mood to wait a few years for any decision.

So I am just going to file with the FDA. Thank you for reading this, if I sent this wrong, please post it up on this site for me.

God bless you for your intelligence on these matters.



Years 2000 and Prior

This is Survivor Story number 50.
Total number of stories in current database is 96