…this drug is a living hell!!!
I have been on Paxil for 8 months; which is of course similar to Prozac. No one told me I would know what I do know I when to my doctor for stress related anxiety and anxiety/panic attacks. I was first put on Xanax, then later Paxil, as I had seen the television commercials claiming that Paxil was the wonder drug for anxiety. I found the combination of drugs, to work well, at first; but of course your brain has only so much serotonin, to repeatedly fire into those receptors, and only for so long; as I see it.
Two months later I was essentially on a not so planned, but planned suicide mission of combining Paxil, Alprazolam, and alcohol. I don’t know how I survived it. As I had two previous DUI’s, (self medicating my anxiety disorder), I had lost my drivers license; so I was riding bicycle; someone stole my bike, so I went on another mission to get entirely messed up on Paxil, Alprazolam, anti-anxiety herbs, and alcohol. I have previously been entirely against stealing bikes, as Ive had three stolen, of my own, (know how it feels), and believed God would give no one blessing or protection that stole things, (my philosophy, for 43 years of my life). On the day and time described above, I was arrested for stealing an old bike from behind a Casino, and I crashed it in some gravel a few blocks away; I got up like nothing happened, and proceeded to walk home, about 10 blocks. I remember coming to intersections and just standing looking all four directions, as if I was lost. I was so mentally non functional; when an officer finally pulled up, I denied knowing anything; nor had I made any effort to hide from the police, which had been following me for blocks, turning and coming back. For a $15 bike, it cost me 10 days in jail, $300 some odd dollars in fines and jail costs, and several hundred for my attorney; which was at a loss as what to tell the judge, but that my medication had been prescribed improperly, and was now of a proper kind and dosage.
Next, about three weeks ago, I was arrested for shoplifting nutritional supplements; which had become a compulsion; I just got more daring and brave, with each time I got away with it. It all seems so insane, and not part of me; disconnected depersonalized, you name it? When I sat in the Shopko, office, waiting for police officers to come; I felt like zombie, I had no emotion; other than pure hatred of the man, which caught me; thoughts ran through my head of just coming unglued, and running. I felt no shame or remorse; just felt stupid? I was so disconnected; I would have rather zoned out, and went to sleep.
For the past 2 and a half months, I have attempted to get off Paxil; first attempt was cold-turkey, because my doctor never told me anything about when or how to quit. So, that was a disaster, with severe shock waves going up and down my arms and legs. I went back on the original 20mg., and proceeded to withdraw to 10, then 5 mg. over several weeks time; going about 8 days, and if I leveled out on withdrawal, I went to the next step. Each step, was hell, each time getting zaps, migraine headaches, flu-like tiredness that went to the bone; only being able to stay at work, by increasing the dosage to eliminate some of the intensity of withdrawal. I still have nightmares; (some about shoplifting; always reliving old conflicts with people that have even been dead for years, such as my dad); this drug is a living hell!!!
I am down to taking 5 mg. about every 2 to 3 days, if/when symptoms reappear. I tried staying at 2.5mg; but that seemed to have little affect; and liquid Paxil is said on back order, at the pharmacies I checked; at least my doctor had sense enough to attempt to get me that; after ridiculing me in hatred for coming in his office and telling him he did not know his drugs; also telling me he did not appreciate me telling him how to run his practice, when I asked for Xanax to be re prescribed, to help me sleep, and get through withdrawal. I had not had any Xanax, for about three months. He told me it was too addictive! I relied that I fully understand that; but at least I had no problem, or withdrawal, getting off that before!
310-11th St. N.E.
Watertown, S.D. 57201
This is Survivor Story number 37.
Total number of stories in current database is 48