I Also Lost One of My Children to Paxil

“I just wanted you to know that there is another childless parent out here in the world because of these drugs.”

 

My name is Shannon Baker and I recently saw your post on the IFCDA site about Mathew. (He Never Said Goodbye”–posted on this site) I’ve been also following your case throughout the media. I’m sorry for your loss and I know that these words are of no comfort because there is absolutely no words in any language to express to you what I’d really wish to say and even then I know it would be of no benefit.

I contacted you because I have also lost one of my children to Paxil. My daughter Kara took her own life while withdrawing from Paxil for only 36 hours. She was only 12. She had been on Paxil for 8 months and you could see by the pictures taken within a year’s time that the drug was not only killing her mentally, but physically as well.

I just wanted you to know that there is another childless parent out here in the world because of these drugs. As I’m sure you’re aware that there are much to many of us. I wanted to reach out to you too because I know that parent’s that have lost a child and their death was so senseless, needless and so sudden and incomprehensible. That only a parent that has been through such a loss can relate to another that has experienced the same loss.

I am also filing a Wrongful Death suit against the maker’s of Paxil.

Although I know as you do that we will never have our child’s walk through the door and there is nothing that can compensate us for their life’s that were taken. I can only hope that the public will be made aware and that life’s will be saved. I vow that I will do everything in my power to not let my daughter’s death be in vain.. Here is my website address and a girlfriend’s website address if you’d like to go and look thr! ough the sites.

There’s a story page for my daughter on my website and a memorial page for my daughter on my girlfriend’s site in the UK. Here those addresses are:

PSU -Kara’s Story Homepage
http://hometown.aol.com/sefsissy/myhomepage/index.html

SSRI-Kara’s Memorial
http://paxilsupport.homestead.com/kara.html

God Bless You and Yours.

Shannon Baker
SEFSissy@aol.com

 

4/14/2002

This is Survivor Story number 28.
Total number of stories in current database is 48

358 total views, no views today

Is Paxil my Friend?

“I was violent, delusional and hostile.”

 

I was on Paxil for over a year, and then quit when I got married. Almost 2 months ago I started taking Paxil again. I have also been taking Flexural and Tylenol #3 for back and neck pain. The reason I am writing is because I had a horrible experience the other day and I am trying to find out if it may be linked to the Paxil.

The other night, I went out with a friend to celebrate the end of the school term and to “tie one on”. I didn’’t take any of my medication that night because I knew that I would be drinking. After a triple espresso I had a couple drinks, I am told that I was slamming them down. I had a good night; I danced, talked, listened to good music, until we left. I do not remember being in the car, talking to my husband on the phone or going to Denny’s. I started having horrible delusions, thinking that my best friend was cheating on her husband, yelling and going off on the phone at my husband and like. My friend told me that I seemed confused, but ok. She had no idea that I wasn’’t aware of any thing. Later, my husband picked me up from Denny’s where I became violent. I hit him, I tried to pull the steering wheel when we were on the free way, and I turned the key off and through it out the window while we were driving, then ran and hopped a ride from a truck driver. Need less to say, I made it home safe, and nearly divorced. My husband met up with me (he followed the truck I was in) and tried to take me home, again I was violent, delusional and hostile, I got out with our dog and ran down the street where I soon passed out and my dog wandered around. My husband found me and took me home.

This is a horrible experience for both of us, and after researching and talking to people, I have learned that others have had similar experiences. When I am not on medication, these sorts of things do not happen. My husband (when I am not drinking) has been telling me I am paranoid and delusional. I get really offended because I am trying to take care of my anxiety disorder. I have also been having a lot of depression. I take 20 mg of Paxil every day. Also, when I quit taking Paxil the last time, I went off of it in about 1 1/2 weeks. I have horrible side effects when I first start taking it, which include severe headaches, confusion, a surreal feeling like I am not really there, anxiety and joint/muscle pain. Could you please help me understand what happened the other night. Over about 5 hours I had about 5-7 drinks. I do not drink often, but needless to say, I will not be doing it again, especially not on my medication.

 

3/23/2002

This is Survivor Story number 35.
Total number of stories in current database is 48

371 total views, no views today

Trying to Get Off Paxil

“…this drug is a living hell!!!”

 

I have been on Paxil for 8 months; which is of course similar to Prozac. No one told me I would know what I do know I when to my doctor for stress related anxiety and anxiety/panic attacks. I was first put on Xanax, then later Paxil, as I had seen the television commercials claiming that Paxil was the wonder drug for anxiety. I found the combination of drugs, to work well, at first; but of course your brain has only so much serotonin, to repeatedly fire into those receptors, and only for so long; as I see it.

Two months later I was essentially on a not so planned, but planned suicide mission of combining Paxil, Alprazolam, and alcohol. I don’t know how I survived it. As I had two previous DUI’s, (self medicating my anxiety disorder), I had lost my drivers license; so I was riding bicycle; someone stole my bike, so I went on another mission to get entirely messed up on Paxil, Alprazolam, anti-anxiety herbs, and alcohol. I have previously been entirely against stealing bikes, as I’ve had three stolen, of my own, (know how it feels), and believed God would give no one blessing or protection that stole things, (my philosophy, for 43 years of my life). On the day and time described above, I was arrested for stealing an old bike from behind a Casino, and I crashed it in some gravel a few blocks away; I got up like nothing happened, and proceeded to walk home, about 10 blocks. I remember coming to intersections and just standing looking all four directions, as if I was lost. I was so mentally non functional; when an officer finally pulled up, I denied knowing anything; nor had I made any effort to hide from the police, which had been following me for blocks, turning and coming back. For a $15 bike, it cost me 10 days in jail, $300 some odd dollars in fines and jail costs, and several hundred for my attorney; which was at a loss as what to tell the judge, but that my medication had been prescribed improperly, and was now of a proper kind and dosage.

Next, about three weeks ago, I was arrested for shoplifting nutritional supplements; which had become a compulsion; I just got more daring and brave, with each time I got away with it. It all seems so insane, and not part of me; disconnected depersonalized, you name it? When I sat in the Shopko, office, waiting for police officers to come; I felt like zombie, I had no emotion; other than pure hatred of the man, which caught me; thoughts ran through my head of just coming unglued, and running. I felt no shame or remorse; just felt stupid? I was so disconnected; I would have rather zoned out, and went to sleep.

For the past 2 and a half months, I have attempted to get off Paxil; first attempt was cold-turkey, because my doctor never told me anything about when or how to quit. So, that was a disaster, with severe shock waves going up and down my arms and legs. I went back on the original 20mg., and proceeded to withdraw to 10, then 5 mg. over several weeks time; going about 8 days, and if I leveled out on withdrawal, I went to the next step. Each step, was hell, each time getting zaps, migraine headaches, flu-like tiredness that went to the bone; only being able to stay at work, by increasing the dosage to eliminate some of the intensity of withdrawal. I still have nightmares; (some about shoplifting; always reliving old conflicts with people that have even been dead for years, such as my dad); this drug is a living hell!!!

I am down to taking 5 mg. about every 2 to 3 days, if/when symptoms reappear. I tried staying at 2.5mg; but that seemed to have little affect; and liquid Paxil is said on back order, at the pharmacies I checked; at least my doctor had sense enough to attempt to get me that; after ridiculing me in hatred for coming in his office and telling him he did not know his drugs; also telling me he did not appreciate me telling him how to run his practice, when I asked for Xanax to be re prescribed, to help me sleep, and get through withdrawal. I had not had any Xanax, for about three months. He told me it was too addictive! I relied that I fully understand that; but at least I had no problem, or withdrawal, getting off that before!

www.cornfieldmn@yahoo.com
310-11th St. N.E.
Watertown, S.D. 57201

 

3/17/2002

This is Survivor Story number 37.
Total number of stories in current database is 48

271 total views, no views today

A 17-Year Old’s Story on Prozac, Paxil, Effexor and Wellbutrin

“I saw electricity around everything–it looked like electricity was going around the air and around my room”

 

Hi. I’m 17 years old… Over the years, since I was about 14, I’ve been on (and quit) Prozac, Lithium (which I didn’t even need), Paxil (which I tried to kill myself for the first time–on about the 2nd day I was prescribed it), Effexor, and Wellbutrin… This story is about Wellbutrin, and how awful my experience with it was.

I was 16, and about April last year I decided (well, mainly my boyfriend of the time decided) I should go on the Depo-Provera birth control shot, which was the worst decision possible. I had depression problems before, but not NEARLY as bad as what I experienced on the shot. I had never had anxiety problems or scary as hell anxiety/panic attacks before, until the shot. After going through the worst torture all summer ever imaginable (the shot’s evil effects, bastard boyfriend’s cheating and breakup without even letting me KNOW! until I went back to SCHOOL, and + parent’s divorce), I decided to go on Wellbutrin. At first, I felt a lot better. I didn’t care about my boyfriend’s disappearance and decided to make my own life over without him. I was a lot happier, despite the worsening of my anxiety attacks (which I thought was strange, since my doctor said the Wellbutrin would help STOP my anxiety…..) . I was just glad to not be depressed anymore, so I never second-guessed the Wellbutrin. Obviously, smoking cigarettes hindered the effect of it after a while, so I needed a higher dose…eventually 400 mg a day. 400!!! That’s ALOT……..

I tried to quit smoking one day. It seemed like the medicine started working better, but within a few days I had an extremely schizo moment (which I had some schizo-effects from Wellbutrin before, but tried to ignore- like feeling like everyone was staring at every little movement I did–even my BREATHING, feeling spaced out as hell, breathing problems, farther from reality each day) . That night, I started feeling really great. After I while, I started wondering why I felt soooo euphoric– my music sounded sharper than ever and I was extremely energetic. Soon, I started TRIPPING OUT–it turned into something like a heavy bad-acid trip. I started getting an awful headache and felt like I was about to have seizures (which, I might add, I had once from Wellbutrin). I felt completely flipped out, like I lost my mind. I started going schizo–I was scared to death. I saw electricity around everything–it looked like electricity was going around the air and around my room. I was up all night. I was actually scared of the dark because I was so messed up–I had to turn my music back on because of the horrifying sound of BUGS crawling everywhere. So, after that freak out, I lowered my dose MYSELF, since I knew it would be worthless to talk to my doctor about it. I then had a seizure about a month later, so needless to say, I quit the Wellbutrin. Hopefully, nobody else will have to ever go through an experience like this.

3/12/2002

This is Survivor Story number 40.
Total number of stories in current database is 48

770 total views, no views today

I Thought I was Going Totally Mad

“My doc took me off 50mgs of Seroxat / Paxil cold turkey.”

 

Hi

I spent 7 days thinking that I was going totally mad in July of this year after My doc took me off 50mgs of Seroxat / Paxil cold turkey

I genuinely believed that it was the “real me” coming out underneath & for a week really thought I was going out of my mind – then I did a search & found your site & realized I was not alone – your group literally saved my life

It took 6 weeks of brain shocks / zaps & countless other forms of GSB torture & side effects from the drug before I was better

I decided to set up my own group in late summer to try & give something back, so hopefully no one would ever go through the withdrawal hell I went through

Since then I believe we have created a really sound bunch of people (over 12,000 postings)

Quite often I have relayed stories & postings from your group & we (our group) have helped save many lives (I do not make that claim not lightly)

I ask that you can invite your members to visit our group & would welcome our entire membersship to visit yours

Yours Sincerely
Rory Stokes (Group Founder)depression-anxiety

Our link is:- http://groups.yahoo.com/group/depression-anxiety/

Rory Stokes
http://groups.yahoo.com/group/depression-anxiety

 

1/26/2002

This is Survivor Story number 46.
Total number of stories in current database is 48

382 total views, no views today

Strange Colors on Paxil

“…my brain started freaking out inside over colors .”

 

Hi I would like to share my own experience with Paxil as it has been unlike any other I have heard of. I was given Paxil for what my family doctor thought I was suffering from a anxiety disorder. I took Paxil for a period of two weeks when I noticed that it was severely changing thought patterns and decided to abruptly quit. I was not warned of any serious problems with stopping the medication and suffered a breakdown three days later. I contacted the doctor who gave me the Paxil and was told to start the medication again. The symptoms I suffered from stopping seemed to vanish within a few days, but then after staying with the medication for a period of almost 3 months or better was when I was struck all of the sudden one day with the most bizarre thing that I never have heard or dreamed of could happen.

I awoke okay and went to work on a project that day when in a split second my brain started freaking out inside over colors and I am talking about colors that actually exist like the paint job on your car for example. Not only was my brain going bizarre over colors but also started firing thoughts through over them and crashing out emotionally and mentally. At the end of the week I was totally devastated. I could not hardly look at any single object in my house without my brain producing these same symptoms over and over.

I realized that Paxil was probably to blame since these sort of things just do not happen. I threw the medicine away at the end of that week and called the doctor who gave it to me. I was told that it could not be the Paxil and was treated like a nut case.

I went on to suffer horribly for a month when I seemed to get somewhat better. Although I never quite recovered. I felt as if I was getting better each day but the problem continued to exist slightly. After a period of 6 months I had my brain totally relapse again and produce identical symptoms all over again. It now has been 2 years since this has happened, and I am still not free of these symptoms.

What Paxil did to me is a mystery. I have never heard of the brain going screwed up over colors like this when there is no reason for it. I truly hope that no one else ever has to live with something like this. And to this day no doctor even knows what has happened. Nor have I ever found anyone who has suffered anything similar to what I have.

If anyone had experienced such a thing I have never heard of it, as maybe they are not around to tell of it. But one thing is for certain, and that is that an SSRI can do things that no one has heard of.

Randy Shine
ratzo22@hotmail.com

 

12/17/2001

This is Survivor Story number 34.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

391 total views, no views today

MY NIGHTMARISH EXPERIENCE WHILE TAKING THE ANTIDEPRESSENT DRUG PAXIL

“…the constant nightmares and the stress of what happened to me while on Paxil will never go away.”

 

I have suffered from chronic depression for a number of years, and have tried various antidepressant medications while under the care of psychiatrists, but none of these drugs seemed to have any positive effect on my condition.

However, at the beginning of this year, I thought I would give therapy another try. Unfortunately, my medical insurance would not cover psychiatric visits, so I had to be content with seeing a family practice physician. When I asked for a referral for therapy, he said, “No. How about some pills?” He later confided to me that he didn’t believe that my insurance would cover therapy by a mental healthcare professional.

He first started me on a regimen of Paxil. But after experiencing very uncomfortable side effects, including insomnia, he also prescribed Remeron for sleep. The first time I took Remeron was on a Friday. I slept for at least 12 hours. When I got out of bed and tried to walk, I was wobbly on my feet, and had to brace myself against a wall to prevent falling. I tried calling my doctor, but he was not available that weekend. It took until Sunday evening before the effects of Remeron wore off.

When I finally did get to talk with my doctor, I was ready to quit the Paxil regimen, but he convinced me to stay on the drug, explaining that it takes time for it to build up to a useful level before any benefits could be weighed.

I continued to take the Paxil, but stayed away from Remeron as a sleeping aid. During this time, I experienced bouts of sleep deprivation, increased anxiety, panic attacks, and an unusual level of anger and hostility.

I have been the caretaker of my mother and aunt for about 10 years since the untimely death of my father in 1988. My mother is 81 years old, and suffers from forgetfulness, along with other symptoms associated with her advanced age. We have a rather large piece of property on a dead-end street. It is a full-time job just keeping it neat and clean. The rest of my time is devoted to taking my only two remaining relatives shopping and to medical appointments. I am under a great deal of stress nearly every day.

I have had disputes with neighbors and their children, vandalism, malicious mischief, littering, and very suspicious activity on the dead-end street where we live. I have also found used condoms and parts of hypodermic needles lying on the ground. As I mentioned before, I live on a street with no other houses facing us, so it is very odd to see anyone parking there. I have reported incidences of unusual activity to local police, but they often do not show up to investigate.

On the evening of Easter Sunday, 2001, and just after midnight, I heard unusual noises outside of my home. Since it was not Independence Day or New Year’s Eve, noises on the night of Easter Sunday were not expected –especially after midnight.

By the time I got out of bed to investigate, I saw three cars parked on the street with no one nearby. I went back to bed, but this time heard the screeching of tires. I jumped up and looked out the window just in time to see a car speed away from an accumulation of trash at the end of the street.

I telephone police, but was told that they do not investigate incidents of littering. I hung up, but later called back to report the noise, which was a booming speaker from one of the cars parked outside. The police dispatcher said he would send a patrol car to investigate, but I saw no evidence of any police activity outside of my house.

By this time I, was becoming increasingly agitated. Out of frustration, and the lack of police response, I composed a hand bill on my computer, stating that I did not appreciate anyone disturbing the peace, littering, or any other illegal activity while parked in front of my home, and that I was prepared to make a note of the license plates of any cars that I thought looked suspicious. I then went outside and placed a handbill on the windshield of each of the cars, after which I went back to bed and tried to get some rest.

It wasn’t more than a few minutes later that I once again heard that same booming noise coming from the street in front of the property.. I had a handgun used for home protection in the drawer of my night table, took it out of the drawer and carried it with me to the front door. I opened the door and stood on my front porch. It was very dark outside, and I yelled out, “Would you mind picking up your trash and leaving my street?”

Just then, four people, who I believed to be in their late teens or early 20s, came running at me yelling obscenities. I didn’t have time to retreat into the house, so all I could do was to raise the gun in self-defense.

One of the attackers, who was particularly violent, said that he would come back later and kill me. Three of the individuals backed off, but the fourth one kept antagonizing me. I was finally able to back him down and off of my property. He said, “Go ahead and shoot me. I have nothing to live for anyway.”

One never knows what to expect when picking up a weapon. I could have killed this individual, but fortunately I did have the presence of mind to try to diffuse this very lethal situation before it could become fatal.

When the crowd dispersed, I went back into the house and called 911 to report what had happened. Apparently, some of the others involved in the dispute had called the police and reported that I had a gun. It was at this time that I became panicky. I locked the trigger guard back on the handgun and put it in a drawer. I was very disoriented. The police arrived and wanted me to come outside. I finally persuaded officers that I was not armed and dangerous, and invited them into the house. I was searched and asked to sit down. I told them that I had guns in the house, and described exactly where I kept them. One officer found two guns and confiscated them. They talked with me for a long time, asked me to write out a statement, then left without arresting me.

Four weeks went by before I received a letter from the county district attorney, advising me that I was being charged with California Penal Code Section 417(a), a misdemeanor, stating that I had used a gun in a quarrel or argument. The sentence for this violation is 3 months in jail. I was also told that the “witnesses” identified one of the guns.

During this time, I went from Paxil to Flurazepam, then to Zoloft, then to Effexor, then to Atenolol, and finally to Celexa, along with Klonapin for anxiety. I was prescribed these drugs, one after the other, without any period of detoxification.

I finally made the effort to seek out a therapist (a clinical psychologist with a Ph.D.), who has been very helpful and supportive. I trust her, but unfortunately she believes that I need to be medicated.. And all along, I still could not find a psychiatrist who would be willing to manage my medication. I stopped seeing the original family practitioner, and found a new internist who has been trying to help with these medications..

I would also like to say, for the record, that I have no history of violence or any criminal record. I haven’t even had a traffic ticket in over 3 years. But the prosecution would not let this matter rest. Since I couldn’t afford a high-priced criminal defense attorney, I had to put my trust in a public defender. Unfortunately, they are overworked and understaffed, so the quality of the defense was less than adequate.

My case was postponed for 7 months. When it did finally come to trial, the best deal I could get was to plead “no contest” and the judge would recommend electronic home confinement. A “no contest” plea is essentially a plea of guilty, but I chose to accept it only because I wanted this nightmare to be over.

When I left the courthouse that day, I was under the impression that the electronic home confinement was a sure thing. They give me the wrong paperwork; and since it was late on a Friday, I couldn’t call the probation department until the following Monday. That was when I found out that it up to the discretion of the probation department as to whether or not I will be accepted into the program. The only other alternative is jail.

I did a great deal of my own case preparation. I researched the often-horrible side effects of Paxil and other SSRI drugs using the Internet and the World Wide Web, and found evidence of much worse occurrences connected with the use of these drugs. Dr. Ann Blake Tracy of the International Coalition For Drug Awareness has provided a great service by virtue of her very informative Web page, which is devoted to the horror stories of those of us who were prescribed SSRI medications for depression and anxiety.

In closing, the only comfort I can take from my experience is that no one was fatally injured. But the constant nightmares and the stress of what happened to me while on Paxil will never go away, no matter what method of incarceration I must face.

Comments and inquiries welcome!

Philip Sheridan
addcted2it@msn.com

12/12/2001

This is Survivor Story number 30.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

381 total views, no views today

Paxil Ruined My Life

“I thought I’d seek assistance for being a little shy.” “..Paxil ruined my brain.”

 

Last year, as I was facing my final two semesters of college, I thought I’d seek assistance for being a little shy. I thought it’d be helpful to lose the shyness so that I could better function in the seminar classes that I had to take prior to graduation. Further, I believed that it would help me when I finally went out to look for my first big job. I talked with a psychologist and a psychiatrist, and they finally gave me Paxil.

Paxil makes one do things he or she wouldn’t normally do. It makes you care about little to nothing other than, perhaps, making yourself happy. One just stops considering the consequences.

Prior to taking the drug, I had a 4.0 GPA, a perfect driving record, perfect credit, and got along well with just about everyone around me. Within two weeks of going on it, I received my first ticket for allegedly running a stop sign. The police officer actually had me get out of the car because my eyes gave him the impression that I was on Meth or drunk. Another cop pulled up in a second car to cover me from another angle, while holding a flashlight on me. They treated me like I was dangerous or something! When I told him that I was taking Paxil, he informed me that I could be arrested for being under the influence of it. Eventually he let me go.

A week or two later, I was involved in my first auto accident. I was driving at an unsafe speed. While on the drug, I did a lot of weaving through traffic. I suddenly became the worst driver in the world. One night it caught up with me, as I lost the ability to differentiate the shoulder of the road and the driving lanes. I ended up hitting some markers on the left side of the freeway, then sliding across three lanes into sand-filled barrels on the other side. My car and the barrels were destroyed. When I was in Urgent Care following the accident, a trauma doctor told me that I should consider getting off Paxil. He noticed that I didn’t even seem to be all that effected by the fact that I had just been involved in a major accident, which could have taken my life, the lives of others’, and which did destroy my car. He told me that most anyone else would have been crying and shaking, but my heart rate was pretty calm. Over the next month or so, I was stopped a total of three more times and received one additional citation. This means I’m just one ticket away from losing my license here.

In addition to driving problems, I let my work in school slide as well. I was near the end of college. It was a shame. Paxil made me to where I did not care about my classes. I just decided that finals weren’t important, and I didn’t bother to study for them. I still managed to get A’s in all but one class, but in one class, I failed the final and received a D on my transcript. Suddenly my GPA fell from 4.0 to 3.88.

With regard to credit, I went out and charged all of my credit cards to the max, without worrying about whether or not I could pay them off. Deep down inside, I had the delusion that I could easily cover the bills. When the bills started to come, I could only pay them for so long. Eventually I started to have trouble doing so. Now my credit is terrible.

Finally, I was cold toward my family and friends. I was not too worried about hurting anyone. People became objects to me. I had no emotions. I felt little to nothing. My thoughts were not right. When you don’t care about anything, you can be a destructive individual.

When I finally tried to come off the drug after a couple of months, I had difficulty doing so. I became very sick with flu-like symptoms, but I never get sick from the flu. For about a month, I threw up three to four times a day. I couldn’t get the thought of dying off of my mind. My regular physician couldn’t help me get better. So I eventually entered the hospital. After a night there, things started to get better. I threw up just a few more times.

Even though I quit the drug, I couldn’t make the consequences magically disappear. They’re still there, and a model life has been destroyed. Now I’m shy again. And who knows? Maybe Paxil damaged my brain. I don’t feel like I’m as sharp as I used to be. Thank God I didn’t physically hurt anyone else or myself (other than the minor injuries sustained in the auto accident). I imagine that it can be much worse for others, especially those who have serious personal problems prior to taking the drug.

SBmblanchard77@aol.com

 

12/8/2001

This is Survivor Story number 32.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

619 total views, no views today

Salvaging What’s Left after Paxil, then Zoloft, then Ritalin.

“DON’T THINK IT CAN’T HAPPEN TO YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME.”

 

Hi. I’m so glad somebody with substantial medical credentials is putting forth this information. I’ve been resisting these drugs for years, despite “Doctors” attempts to cram them down my throat at every opportunity. I will briefly relate part of my story, then I have an observation about your website I’d like to address.

My first experience with these so – called “medications began with Paxil. I took one half of one pill and an hour and a half later I was hallucinating much like when I used to use psychedelics many lifetimes ago. I know what a psychedelic experience is. I knew then something was really wrong. I was in another universe altogether. Add to that the shakes and a horrible feeling I had taken an awful poison. Several years later, I tried Zoloft.

I could never take more than a tiny chip off of a pill, and could never stand more than a few days at a time. I was thoroughly stoned, drugged, and useless for just about everything. When I questioned my “Doctor” he would sort of mumble something under his breath and it became clear he didn’t want me as a patient. I was a troublemaker.

I had been diagnosed with Hepatitis C, by the way. I got myself into recovery from alcohol addiction, and was clean for six years. But I was seriously fatigued, and sick, so I went to a new “Doctor” who gave me Ritalin to combat that and depression. Not understanding the ramifications, I began taking it. Three months later I was in narcotic addiction hell, weak and jaundiced, malnutrioned, psychotic, and well on the way to dying.

I didn’t go back to that doctor, as I knew it was his intention to switch me to another drug and I knew in my desperation I might take it. I did some research and discovered that Methylphenidate is directly Hepatatoxic, and suppresses the immune system to boot, aside from all the other harmful effects. The “Doctor” has simply shuffled me off to die, me being one of society’s throwaways. It was hell to get off that drug, but I did. The “Doctor” was fully aware of my sobriety at the time. He didn’t care. I know a drug pusher when I meet one, and the only difference between him and the guy on the street is he does it legal.

I bring this up because it is becoming popular for Doctors to prescribe drugs for Hep C patients. I did research on my disease, discovered nutrition, herbs. I went to new “Doctors” and tried to share my information. How naive I was. They didn’t want to know, didn’t want to have anything to do with it, or what I now knew. Now, I am on my own, salvaging what’s left and hopefully getting better. I take from this one positive outcome. I know now that you have to take the responsibility into your own hands.

But I want to say one thing. I haven’t read everything on the website, but it seems taken for granted that it’s aimed at those who have a choice. That’s not always the case. I have to relate a story on behalf of someone very dear to me. I have a very close long time friend, my spiritual advisor and a nun, who has always had poor health. She was prescribed Xanax some years ago. One night, she went to the emergency room to get a hospital bed because of physical pain. She made a comment concerning Christ’s pain and her pain. They declared she was a “dangerous” individual, and involuntarily committed her to the state insane asylum for some months and forced drug injections into her. I visited this place, and what a hell hole it is. She is out now, but must involuntarily continue the injections against her will under threat of further incarceration. I am trying to figure a way to get her out of this situation, as I see the damage being done. It’s disgusting.
If they can do this to a nun, for God’s sake, they can do it to anybody. DON’T THINK IT CAN’T HAPPEN TO YOU OR SOMEONE YOU LOVE. IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME. There is no help, no recourse for these poor people. They’ve been forgotten.

I have learned to be very careful and guarded when in contact with “health care professionals.” I get the impression a lot of them are on these drugs. What insanity it has all become and where will it end. Thank you Dr. Tracy and associates for giving a voice to all this that can’t easily be dismissed.

 

9/6/2001

This is Survivor Story number 22.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

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Shocks and Suicidal Thoughts on Paxil

“Finally! I am not the only person who had these symptoms!”

 

I read in today’s Register Guard (Eugene, OR) a small bit about “Suit says drug maker hid evidence.” The line that struck me was “suffered symptoms ranging from electric like shocks to suicidal thoughts after discontinuing use of the drug.”

Finally! I am not the only person who had these symptoms! When I tried to go off Paxil, I had these symptoms, plus uncontrollable crying. I told my doctor what I was experiencing (a psychiatrist at Kaiser), and he told me not to discontinue the drug. He said I was one of those people who would need to take an antidepressant for the rest of my life. He did not understand the symptoms I was having, nor my desire to get off the drug. On the drug, I have never felt like “me.” I am disconnected and tired most of the time. I also told my general physician about the symptoms, and she did not understand them at all.

The advice from both was to stay on the drug. I have not attempted to discontinue the Paxil since then, and have been on it now for 6 years. I plan to order the tape about withdrawal. For the first time in years, I think I may be able to get off this drug. And I now know I am not “crazy” for having these symptoms.

Thank you.

 

8/28/2001

This is Survivor Story number 23.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

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