Michael Frye – My Ten Year Zoloft Nightmare & How I Survived It

Mike Frye 3

Michael Frye

A Zoloft Survivor

My name is Michael Frye and I was a victim of Zoloft for over 10 years. I have been through this life with a lot of regrets. The biggest regret of all was ever taking the prescribed antidepressant drug Zoloft.

Zoloft Prescribed for Side Effect of Another Medication

I was taking a treatment for a virus. That medication had depression as a side effect. So my doctor felt I needed to take something for depression too. He prescribed the antidepressant Zoloft. Initial treatment for the virus also produced a side effect of blood abnormalities which overrode any benefit of that drug. So, that drug was discontinued but I continued to take Zoloft for a period of almost ten years. The Zoloft only magnified the depression and produced unusual behavior. The dosage started at 25 mg and as I reported still having depression and other side effects, they(my doctors) just raised the dosage being oblivious to the fact that they were killing me with the increasing of the dosage. Once I achieved 150 mg dosage, I just have a blank period of time and memory loss of about 3 or 4 years. I will never fill in those blanks for I feel that is long term memory damage.I have since also learned that the reason I stayed on the drug so long is likely because most doctors have no clue how to withdraw patients correctly from antidepressants. Because of this they are afraid to take patients off because of the horrible withdrawal. So doctors generally just tell you that you need to stay on these drugs for life!

Forced Into Abrupt Withdrawal Due to Life Threatening Side Effects

I was forced into cold turkey withdrawal because I was so close to death. I was hemorrhaging out the ears, mouth, eyes and rectum. I was in a state so near death, cold turkey was my only choice at that point. I would recommend no one ever try that method! It is much too dangerous and nothing anyone would ever want to endure. I do not know how I survived but for the grace of God! Gradual withdrawal is much safer and far less painful!

Out of Character Behavior Led to Divorce

During that ten year period, I started displaying bizarre behavior. I had been married and happily married until the medicine took its toll on me. I started being hostile with my family, friends, and coworkers. During that period I displayed unusual behavior and it tore my family apart after a 20 year marriage. I was divorced in 2009 after almost twenty years. I was separated from my daughter who graduated in 2010. I also suffered the uncontrollable cravings for alcohol that are so common with antidepressants.

Multiple Congestive Heart Failures

I have suffered (3) congestive heart failures after being on Zoloft and I have no hereditary predisposition to heart disease. But I have since learned that heart disease is linked to antidepressants. (http://www.wellnessresources.com/freedom/articles/antidepressants_strongly_linked_to_heart_disease/?)

Bone Density Problems

I have severe bone density issues as well as the inability to absorb calcium in any form. What goes along with this is the inability to keep platelet counts normal.

Agranulocytosis – Often Fatal Side Effect

I also now have agranulocytosis which is often fatal. I have found that papaya leaf extract in liquid and capsule form help with those issues. Iowa Select Herbs (http://stores.iowaselectherbs.com) provide the best quality I have found.

Liver Failure & Pancreatic Problems Lead to Answers

Most doctors just label this problem as liver and pancreatic issues associated with liver disorders. I know they are incorrect in all their diagnosis’s of me. I have experimented with their diagnosis as well as consulted with an expert on antidepressants who has written and lectured and testified about these drugs around the world, Ann Blake-Tracy, the Executive Director of the International Coalition For Drug Awareness (www.drugawareness.org) and author of Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? – Our Serotonin Nightmare. And subsequently learned what the real problem stems from. Sad to say but most physicians are ignorant to the fact that antidepressants cause these issues. In my case the problem was the Zoloft itself, especially after taking it for ten years. But I have since learned how to counteract the damage by listening to my body in healing these issues. I tend to get better results from natural and homeopathic healing.

I started having blood sugar issues where my blood sugar would swing from very low levels to extremely high levels and told my doctors about them. Yet they came up with negative results for a non-fasting test. My pancreas became enlarged, my gall bladder quit working, my liver was very toxic and my brain started showing damage as well.

Warning to Others

I did not know until 2011 or early 2012 that my problems were related to the antidepressant drug Zoloft. I was tired of misdiagnosis’s and started doing research myself. Several experts assisted me in the diagnosis and the cold turkey withdrawal and the healing. I have just begun to fight to get all the things back that I was robbed of. This is my year for all things to be restored! This is also a warning to all my friends and relatives! Do not allow your doctor to put you on antidepressants without reading the fine lines. Your life depends on it. Your loved ones lives depend on it. Be informed. Everything cannot be cured with a pill. God has a way of healing us naturally. I invite you to try His methods first.

Liver Transplant?!

I would say I am at the far end of recovery from taking the drug Zoloft. I have been diagnosed with end stage liver disease and the damage is from Zoloft. I was given a limited amount of time to live and they said I would need a liver transplant to live. I have stage 4 fibrosis/cirrhosis and have started healing myself. I hope what I post will help others to survive as I am doing.

Additional Serious Reactions

Almost 2 months ago I had an ammonia content in my blood of 319 with 75 to 78 being normal. My legs were swelling as well as my abdomen and pancreas. My renal function was very poor. I could not even have a normal bowel movement except maybe once a week. My short term memory was still an issue and my WBC and RBC were off the charts. My bone marrow was being suppressed and my back pain was so severe that I had to lie down at all hours of the day. I was hopeless and depressed to the max.


I still did not give up! I have a strong faith in God and I know he has a purpose for me. So what I am about to post may be an inspiration to others. I certainly hope so. Here it is as follows and I may say that this information I am providing is based on my individual results. It is not intended to cure any disease or prevent any disease. It was just my way of healing the damages to my body caused by Zoloft.

How Bad Things Got

After having a liver biopsy in August 2013, I had decreased white blood cells and red blood cells. I had an ammonia content in the blood of 319 and I had no platelet functions. My blood would not clot. I bled out on the biopsy table. At that time I decided to do what I could to change the quality of life I was living. I have no immune system and of course brain and organ damage from Zoloft.

Steps I Took to Recovery

What I am about to post is what worked for me and radically changed both my physical and mental state.

~ I began regular consultations with Ann Blake Tracy at www.drugawareness.org

~ I started eating a vegan diet – mostly raw or slightly steamed.~ I began a regimen of no red meats and only white meat, excluding pork. It was mostly fish broiled and not fried which I have now stopped eating meat and dairy altogether.

~ I ate raw broccoli and other green leafy vegetables, onions and fresh garlic.

~ I started taking or making fruit and vegetable smoothies which included uncooked raw vegetable juices.

~ I used flax seed oil and omega 3 oils.

~ I had amazing results using Sovereign Silver for the pancreatitis I developed.

~ I used Young Living oils of Lemon, Frankincense, Peppermint and Valor. The Valor and Peppermint helped my back pain. Lemon lifted my spirits and Frankincense helped with so many things that I don’t know what I would have done without it.  More info here: http://www.drugawareness.org/alternatives/

~ I used milk thistle for my liver.

~ For each morning detox I use a cup of 165 Deg. Green Tea steeped with a slice of organic lemon. This helps to detoxify the Zoloft out of my system.

~ I then discovered about a month into the raw vegetables a brand of fruit and veggie smoothie. The brand name is “Bolthouse Farms” and it is even available at WalMart. The most beneficial of their smoothies was the “Green Goodness and the “Blue Goodness”. They have produced some amazing results. They even have wheat grass in them.

Amazing Results

I dropped almost 40 lbs of weight in less than a month. My mind became clearer, my energy level increased 100%. No more depressive moods!

My ammonia level was at 319, which is critical and life threatening, lowered itself naturally to 75 in less than thirty days.

At 52 I am in better shape now than I was in my body building days of the early 80’s. I feel almost bullet proof. I have stabilized my weight at 198 pounds and while on Zoloft I was over 230 pounds.

My heart is healing and the cramps have gone away. I believe that the cramps were being caused by the elevated serotonin because the main function of serotonin is constriction of muscle tissue. I tried the magnesium and the calcium supplements but they did not work on the painful cramps. Yet after only a week of daily taking the smoothies with the wheat grass, the cramps disappeared.

What I want to make clear is to experiment with raw vegetables and fruit and veggie smoothies until you achieve your optimal health. I could not emphasize this more … “Until you rid yourself from the toxins of antidepressants and other prescribed drugs, you are just existing and not living.”

I wish you all the best. I believe that the information I have given you, based on my experience, will help you recover. I am healing!

October 2014 Update

I just got an email from Michael that needs to be shared. He began having additional problems with his liver failing and pancreatic function shutting down leading to diabetes. This is the update I just got today:

” I have been using Aloe Vera juice to detox my liver, and my pancreatic function was gone. I was becoming diabetic.  After one gallon of cold pressed aloe, my blood sugar stabilized and the size of my pancreas reduced 200% and now insulin function is normal. So common sense would dictate that all our sicknesses can be cured through natural God given plants and herbs.

“I also eat papaya fruit and my hematologist told me I could not raise my red blood cells or platelet count. But just papaya fruit, leaf, and liquid extract has nearly tripled my platelets.

“They actually had sent me home to die. They said a blood transfusion or platelets would not help. Boy did I prove them wrong through Biblical methods. I am healing. Thank you for all your help.”

[I must caution you that the above statement from Michael has not been approved by the FDA …. the same FDA who brought you Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Luvox, Celexa, Lexapro, Fen-Phen, Redux, Vioxx, Effexor, Stratera, Cymbalta, Pristiq, Brisdelle, Wellbutrin, Trazadone, Risperdal, Clozaril, Zyprexa, etc., etc., etc.]

Good Luck and May God Bless You All!

Michael R. Frye

“A Zoloft Survivor”

Please share Michael’s story with others so they know there is hope and a life after antidepressants. We will continue to gather more stories for you from others who have “been there” and come through it so that you can see how they have done and what works and what does not.

WITHDRAWAL HELP: You can find the hour and a half long CD on safe and effective withdrawal helps here: http://store.drugawareness.org/  And if you need additional consultations with Ann Blake-Tracy, as Michael did in his recovery, you can book one at www.drugawareness.org or sign up for one of the memberships for the International Coalition for Drug Awareness which includes free consultations as one of the benefits of that particular membership plan.

WITHDRAWAL WARNING: In sharing this information about adverse reactions to antidepressants I always recommend that you also give reference to my CD on safe withdrawal, Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant!, so that we do not have more people dropping off these drugs too quickly – a move which I have warned from the beginning can be even more dangerous than staying on the drugs!

The FDA also now warns that any abrupt change in dose of an antidepressant can produce suicide, hostility or psychosis. These reactions can either come on very rapidly or even be delayed for months depending upon the adverse effects upon sleep patterns when the withdrawal is rapid!

Ann Blake Tracy, Executive Director,
International Coalition for Drug Awareness
www.drugawareness.org & http://ssristories.drugawareness.org
Author: ”Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? – Our Serotonin Nightmare – The Complete Truth of the Full Impact of Antidepressants Upon Us & Our World” & Withdrawal CD “Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant!”


Effexor Survivor

” I was taking Effexor into about my second week when I tried to commit suicide.”

My name is Amanda and I was taking Effexor into about my second week when I tried to commit suicide.

I firmly believe that this drug played a huge part in my doing so. I would never even entertain that idea under any depression that I had been through. I was the type of person who could not understand how a person could inflict pain upon themselves.

I have been tried on every drug that you can just about think of. Now I am labeled bipolar and take Seroquel at bedtime, and Wellbutrin in the day. High doses I might add, but the point I want to stick too is the fact that Effexor changed my whole personality my whole outlook on life and I didn’t even realize it. It was like I went crazy!

I believe that I have been used over and over as a guinea pig. I am 31 years old and I have been taking different meds since 1996. When tried on Effexor in 2001 I came very close to ending my life.


Paxil Survivor – Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil

Paxil Survivor – Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil
Ellen Heath
An Open Letter to Anyone Seeking Information About the Harmful Effects of Psychiatric Drugs:

I am writing my story because I want to do something to help inform people about the harmful effects of antidepressant drugs. It took me several years, after using antidepressant medications for more than ten, to become clear headed enough to figure out what happened to me. I wound up having a minor stroke or a seizure according to the MRI. Now I’m trying to get my life back together.

Here’s what happened:

I went to a Psychiatrist in 1990 because I couldn’t control crying jags at work. I had been sad over a horrible accident that left my 19-year-old son permanently brain injured.

The lady psychiatrist saw me for less than five minutes, announced I was clinically depressed and prescribed Prozac. When I asked, she said it was not habit forming.

I remember feeling almost immediate relief after the first dose (surprising, since she said it would take 3 weeks to take effect). All of the sudden life became wonderful! I sang to myself all day long. I was the life of every party (or so I thought). I began drinking too much and running around like I was on speed. I just had so much fun at everything I did. The world was at my feet and I was setting it on fire! Wow…why didn’t I find these drugs sooner?

But really, as the years went by, I became unattached to the world emotionally. I became very self-centered. I lost a lot of friends. I missed major life occurrences, like the death of my father. I was not there for him during his illness nor was I emotionally present at his funeral. I was absolutely giddy all of the time. My most radical act was to sue my employer. I know now that it’s better not to sue your local government! As I look back at bad life decisions and embarrassing behavior, I can only be grateful that it was not worse. I read daily of cases describing people committing crimes and displaying truly bizarre behavior on these drugs, some turning into homicidal monsters when they try to withdraw. There are people spending the rest of their lives in prison because of these drugs. I realize I am one of the lucky ones to have come out of the fog and be able to tell my story. I have an insecure (shy), reserved personality by nature, and I come from a conservative family. I know now that the ‘drug fog’ kept me from seeing what was really happening in my life for many years. I know now that I would not have made all those bad decisions had I not been on those drugs. These pharmaceuticals that I so trusted to ‘cure’ my disease of depression have altered my entire life.

I realized I wanted off the drugs in the fall of 2001. It was nothing noble on my part that I finally decided to get off (an entirely different and very long story that I am not proud of…we’ll just say I wanted to be clear headed and leave it at that). It took from the fall of 2001 until the fall of 2003. And guess what? By December 2003 I was experiencing severe brain fogginess, mental confusion and panic attacks! I was deathly afraid of what was wrong with me and just as afraid to take any kind of medication to treat the crying jags. At this point, I did not know that I was experiencing was drug withdrawal.

I began to seek help. I had an MRI done because of the terrible brain fog.(1) They found ‘non-specific white focal matter’, which the doctor said could have been caused by a minor stroke or seizure. I searched for answers for an entire year from: three PHD therapists, one medical doctor of internal medicine, one general practitioner MD and one gastroenterologist MD. None of these professionals would discuss withdrawal effects of psych drugs! One guy curtly said in a very harsh tone, “if you want to talk about antidepressant drugs, you have to go to a psychiatrist!” Another, the PHD Psychologist lady, was giddy and scatter-brained. She left me sitting in her waiting room a half hour, then sashayed in laughing hilariously, saying she was so sorry she forgot about our appointment…then she proceeded to prop her feet up on her chair with her keyboard in her lap and and pounded in my name address and insurance information, saying “you know this drill, right?” I told her that I did not want to take antipressant drugs. She quickly explained to me that “our brains need help” and gave me some websites that supported her position. I finished the session with her and asked her not to file a claim on my insurance. I gave her a check. And guess what? The next day there was a claim on my insurance website! The woman obviously was in a world of her own. I suppose I should have written her a thank-you note for yet another example of the bizarre behavior caused by drugs that claim to “help” our brains!

Well, in fairness to these professionals, I was an emotional wreck, and probably presented a scary dilemma to them. While, all doctors may not know about the devastating physical effects these drugs have on our bodies and brains, most of them have heard about suicidal tendencies associated with them, and the well documented stories of people committing horrendous acts either on or while trying to quit these drugs. I’m sure when I mentioned I had recently quit them, I was quite the pariah.

I finally found a psychologist here in Austin, Texas, Dr. John Breeding, that lent me a copy of Ann Blake-Tracy’s tape, ‘Help, I Can’t Get Off My Anti-depressants’. And wow…what a relief! I wasn’t crazy after all. It really was the drugs, as I suspected. I began reading and researching, and discovered that everything that had been happening to me was directly related to the years of antidepressant drug use.

It took a personal crisis for me to wake up. And that’s exactly what happened. The details of the crisis are not important. What’s important is that things had to get pretty bad before I realized that the antidepressant drugs were wrecking my life and absolutely destroying my soul. Author and Psychiatrist Peter Breggin writes about a spellbinding effect these drugs have on people. Believe me, I was spellbound for a long time. I absolutely accepted as truth that these drugs were helping me. Even when I got off of them it took awhile for me to ‘come back’ and fully realize how duped I had been. This year will be the 6th year I am free from those mind captivating drugs, and never have I been tempted to get back on. Each week that goes by I still continue to gain memories and mental clarity.

It’s hard to get over the fact that more than 10 years of my life were lost in a fog because of drugs that doctors said would help me. It feels like my life has been turned totally upside down because of these drugs.

There must be a reason my mind was spared. I am now supporting an effort to enhance public awareness about the harmful effects of SSRI drugs in any way I can. That is the reason for this open letter. Please people …wake up! How many more lives must be ruined before you will see the truth?

I am asking that the medical community embrace the concept of ‘informed consent’. I went to three psychiatrists. None of them were willing to discuss the negative side effects of the SSRI drugs they prescribed for me. I went to professional counselors and psychologists who said ‘our brains need help’ and ‘the drugs help so many people’. Now after extensive reading and researching, I am absolutely disappointed in the prevailing viewpoint by the mental health community that mind-altering drugs are the answer. There is clear scientific evidence that they are not. When I see the giddy, drunken behavior of people on these drugs today, I am simply appalled that they continue to be touted as helpful by professionals who take an oath do ‘do no harm’!

I have started a support group for families, friends and bio-psychiatric drug survivors as a means of helping one another to heal. The lack of support from the medical community made me feel alone and isolated much of the time as I was coming off these drugs. By forming a community support group I hope to be able to help people avoid what I went through by sharing some of the information that is not readily available to the general public. I want to do something to spare people the anguish I went through. The information that I know now that I did not know when I went through all this should be readily available. My question to the medical community is why isn’t it?

It is my opinion that SSRI drug use today is epidemic, and that our society is being adversely affected because of it. It is my belief that those of us who have been on the drugs and successfully withdrawn have a responsibility to spread the truth that we have so painfully learned. We can change the world. We must share our stories and get the truth out there. If you are in a position to spread the word about how harmful psychiatric drugs are, do so…don’t hesitate. If you touch one life, you have made a difference.

Ellen Heath
Transformers Support Group

P. S. Please feel free to contact me at 512-626-7986 or e-mail me at MHEATH3@AUSTIN.RR
(1) Brain fog means: I could not think straight. I felt confused about day to day activities at work (I am a financial analyst), my short term memory was so bad that I could barely put a sentence together, and I just found myself in a state of mental confusion, not knowing if this was my fault or the rest of the world that was askew. Mental confusion is hard to describe because you don’t really recognize it until you have begun to regain your clarity. You get lost on the way to a location that you’ve travelled many times before. You forget names of people that you’ve known for years… you turn the wrong way down a familiar hallway.

Taylor vs. Solvay Pharmacueticals

Taylor vs. Solvay Pharmacueticals

Columbine survivor, Wash. teen team up
Suit over antidepressants unites an unlikely pair

By Howard Pankratz
Denver Post Legal Affairs Writer

The common bond that brought them together is their crusade against pharmaceutical companies.

Taylor vs. Solvay Pharmacueticals


Columbine survivor, Wash. teen team up
Suit over antidepressants unites an unlikely pair


By Howard Pankratz
Denver Post Legal Affairs Writer

One was a victim of the April 20, 1999, Columbine massacre.

Cory Baadsgaard, left, sits with Columbine High School survivor Mark Taylor on Thursday during an interview for a television documentary. Baadsgaard was on antidepressants when he took an English class hostage at a high school in Washington state in April 2001. He blames the drugs for his actions, for which he spent 14 months in a correctional facility. Mark Taylor is suing the manufacturer of the antidepressant Luvox, which killer Eric Harris was taking at the time of the Columbine rampage. Gary Null & Associates of New York is filming the documentary, which could air in the summer, about the drugging of children and outcomes such as school shootings.

The other was a rifle-toting student who terrified his high school classmates in Washington state on April 15, 2001.

On Thursday, Columbine victim Mark Taylor and Cory Baadsgaard, the Mattawa, Wash., student who held a high school English class hostage, spent hours with each other.

Taylor was shot at least six times by Columbine killer Eric Harris.

Taylor wasn’t sure he wanted to meet the 18-year-old Baadsgaard, who was flown to Denver for the filming of a documentary by Gary Null & Associates of New York.

“I was a little bit afraid. I just didn’t know what kind of person he would be,” said Taylor, 19.

But when Taylor met Baadsgaard on Wednesday night, he shook Baadsgaard’s hand and said, “It’s nice to meet you.”

Then they talked for hours.

“He is a very sweet kid,” Taylor said.

Baadsgaard, a tall, athletic-looking young man who was the starting center on his basketball team, was completely surprised by Taylor’s reception.

“I thought, ‘Wow, this kid (Taylor) went through all this and he has forgiven everybody,”‘ Baadsgaard said. “I think it is kind of ironic to have a friend who has been highly affected. It’s cool to know he doesn’t have a problem with me.”

The common bond that brought them together is their crusade against pharmaceutical companies.

Taylor has a lawsuit against Solvay Pharmaceuticals, which manufactured the antidepressant Eric Harris was taking at the time of the rampage.

Baadsgaard, who was being treated for depression at the time he walked into Michelle Hansen’s honors English class with a loaded big-game hunting rifle, blames the antidepressants he had been on for 10 months.

He says he can’t remember a thing about the incident, something he directly attributes to the drugs, including one that was in the same family of antidepressants that Harris took. He stopped taking that drug, Paxil, three weeks before he invaded the classroom and was on a different drug at that time.

Baadsgaard, who spent 14 months in a correctional facility, hasn’t filed a lawsuit against the antidepressant manufacturers. But his father, Jay, said Thursday that they are looking into it.

The companies that make the antidepressants say the drugs help people and don’t cause people to become violent or suicidal, as claimed by Taylor.

In fact, Solvay Pharmaceuticals, which manufactured Luvox, the antidepressant Harris was taking, has accused Taylor of presenting “pseudo-scientific” theories to bolster his claims against the company.

Solvay has portrayed Taylor as lawsuit crazy and relying on unscientific gibberish to back his assertions that Luvox caused Harris to kill.

Gary Null, who says he is one of the country’s leading health and fitness advocates, has also been attacked as a conspiracy theorist who particularly targets the pharmaceutical industry.

Manette Loudon, who is producing the documentary in Denver, said the company hopes to complete its work in June on the two-hour film, called “The Drugging of Our Children.”

Baadsgaard, who has been banned for five years from Mattawa and can’t come within 25 miles of the tiny town of 1,800, said he never drank or did illegal drugs before he burst into the classroom.

He said he is convinced the prescription medication made him do it. “I’ve been there. I know what it’s like,” Baadsgaard said. “It’s horrible; it’s terrible. I blame everything on the drugs. Obviously, I didn’t know what I was doing.”

I am a Prozac Survivor

“I think this experience will haunt me for the rest of my life.”


My name is Charly, I am a Dutch man and I live in Amsterdam, The Netherlands. My age is 33 years, now on 8 august 2000. After 4 years I think it’s time now to tell about my Prozac experience that have changed my belief system and my total way of living. I think this experience will haunt me for the rest of my life and I think I’m ready to face that fact now. I’ve tried to “just forget it” in all kinds of ways, but for me it’s like once you’ve been there, there is no return. I have a few good friends who really try to understand me in this feeling, but I also know that’s too much asked from them. I arrived at the place were I really wish to meet and talk to other Prozac/SSRI Survivors and I hope this story will be the start of this.

In February 1994 I visited my family doctor and told him about my depression because of a stranded relationship. Because I had heard and read about the “magnificent new wonder-drug” Prozac and it’s far fewer side effects then other anti-depressants I asked him for a prescription. I didn’t needed any psychotherapy cause I knew very well the background of my depression and it wasn’t that bad. If I had only knew then, what I know now, I wasn’t depressed at all, I was feeling down and I just wanted to feel better, happy, not sad. -later I would find out what a real depression was after Prozac hitting me hard-

My family doctor prescribed me Prozac 20 mg daily. About 5 to 6 times I took a monthly cure of Prozac 20 mg daily with intervals of a few months. My first response on Prozac was pretty good, I became more active, but looking back on that period I also became more reckless and naive, less bright and focused on my environment (people and circumstances). I was completely convinced of the innocence of this product and believed that it could actually help me feeling better. The only side effects that it gave me at first were some flu-like symptoms (like shaky), some nerve twitching beneath my right eye and a dry mouth, nothing very serious. My dream recall increased tremendously and they were more rich and vivid then ever. I’ve ended the last cure of Prozac (30 days) in April 1996.

On Friday 2 august 1996 (about 4 months later) I went to my family doctor for another 30 day prescription of Prozac because I still felt somewhat down the last few months. I took one pill that afternoon and went out of town to pay a visit to my parents. While driving in my car for about a half a hour I suddenly felt a strange kind of dizziness in my head. I felt inconstant contractions to be followed by a very painful stitch at the right side on top of my head, then followed by a feeling as if a bloodstream went down on my forehead.

A milky mist came down upon my eye sight, although I still could see, thank God. From my neck an extremely burning sensation radiated throughout of my whole body, especially my spine, arms and legs. My whole body felt like burning inside. Then a stiffening of my body followed and I had a constant feeling of “electricity pain” in my whole body. My body felt electrified, constantly. It’s very hard to explain this feeling, but it’s like goose-flesh so much intensified that it hurts and keeps your body tensed…constantly ! (-It feels like you don’t have a body anymore, but only “wires” connected to high electricity-)

I drove my car upon the verge and came in a state of shock. I remember that my first thought was: “It’s over, this is a stroke and parts of my body will be paralyzed”. Then I realized that couldn’t be the case cause I could still move my body parts and I could still talk, but inside I was completely panic- stricken. What is happening to me ? My God what if this won’t go away ? “I must keep my head cool, stay calm and drive on” were my thoughts.

I only parked for a few seconds upon that verge to check out if I still could function and drove on in the direction of my parents house. The whole incident, from the start of feeling dizzy, till the drove on to my parents, lasted less then 1 or 2 minutes. It took one Prozac-attack to blew away my comfortable feeling of self, of me in my body ! The milky mist that came down upon my eye sight would stay for days. First thing I did when arriving at my parents house was immediately calling the family doctor who tried to convince me that this was just some side effects I was going through and I should keep on taking the Prozac, which I did not, because in the state I was in, this stuff just had to leave my system, immediately. I’ve contacted 5 other doctors who all said that if this was a Prozac induced side effect at all, it would pass away within a few days. It didn’t. I was so scared, I was so shocked and unknown of what happened to me, and the responding of the doctors knocked me out. Physically and mentally I became a wreck, fractured. All I could do was lay down and trying to sleep.

From that moment on I would stay and move into my parents house for about one year. I couldn’t work anymore, I couldn’t focus anymore, I had changed from a self-confident grown man into an extremely anxious pitiful man, locked up inside, not able to function anymore. I got more then terrified, I couldn’t rationalize anymore, I just couldn’t bring my thoughts to the right proportions, and believe me, you would be terrified too, cause you think you’re going crazy, out of your mind (of course Prozac/SSRI Survivors all know how that’s like). It was very difficult for my parents, but they’ve cared for me as good as possible in that period, not really understanding what happened to me and not able to communicate with me.

The first 14 days I went straight into hell, just pure and plain hell. My body, my nervous system, became extremely oversensitive and totally out of control. It’s difficult to explain but I wasn’t in control anymore but my brains were, sending signals of pain throughout of my whole body. It was the most frightening experience I ever had in my whole life. My body felt as if it was turned inside out. It scared me so much and I had no idea if there was coming any relief of this. I didn’t committed suicide, but I don’t know what I had done if that bit of a relief didn’t came after 14 days. My ego (what you think you are) blew away into pieces. Boundaries that belonged to my personality structure were far exceeded. It’s an intrusion of your integrity that is not easily to describe but I’ll try to explain: I had thoughts and emotions that were not mine (but artificially produced by my brain), thoughts and emotions that didn’t belong to my personality, my character, that which makes me the person I am. Thoughts that were racing in the middle of my fore head like “resonating clouds of gas”.

The thoughts were extremely immoral, offensive, negative and from a self-destructive kind. I was embarrassed by these thoughts and so afraid, not able to stop them. The thoughts were extremely clear and strong, I actually could “hear” the thoughts and it’s very difficult to explain how that’s like, but “resonating clouds of gas” fits the closest description. It’s through this experience that I can better understand now how a phenomenon like telepathy might work.

Next to it I experienced exaggerated feelings of compunction. I condemned myself for “sins” from my childhood, like molesting the cat. The emotions that came up were so horrible with thoughts like: “how do you think to live on with this ?”, again, I just couldn’t rationalize anymore, as responsible as “I” made myself for these “sins”. Also I “saw” in my minds eye (and you have to understand that I saw it so clearly, like in a very vivid dream experience) symbols that scared the shit out of me, spires (like in the dark ages), people with masks, etc., all kind of bizarre and scrappy. I got oversensitive for coffee, herbs, etc.. I was extremely oversensitive for light and sound, which caused me pain upon top of my head, symptoms you can best compare with meningitis. My neck was heavily contracted. I couldn’t watch any movie with more or less contained violence. It scared me, my nervous system just couldn’t bear it.

Nightmares that I experienced were horrible, violent, frightening and so realistic that after awakening it took me some time to realize that I was already awake, and that this was a nightmare, not happening in real-time. That was another symptom: the filter between my sense of reality and my dreams got blurred. I felt like I was in a dream-like state (locked up inside) and couldn’t woke up from it. I still have this symptom occasionally, after 4 years now. In one of the nightmares I was raped by a good friend of mine, it was so horrible. Can you imagine someone very close to you, you really know well, you care for this persons integrity and you have a realistic nightmare being raped by this person. Then you “wake up” from this nightmare not realizing that you are awake already. Sometimes at night I woke up with such pressure on my chest (it literally felt as if someone was pushing on my chest) that I had difficulty with breathing. A lot of nights I even didn’t dare to sleep alone. My heartbeats were heavy and up-speeded along with the excessive sweating of my body, especially at night. I really do not understand why I didn’t drove in panic to the hospital at some nights, but I didn’t. At some nights I didn’t dare to sleep at all, because of the realistic nightmares that gave me a feeling as if something evil did came over me. I was also afraid to wake up being totally paralyzed, and the feeling of this being possible was very strong. It felt like anything could happen, I wasn’t in control anymore.

<“Recovery”> After 14 days I saw a little light at the end of the tunnel. After 40 days the burning “electricity pain” (electrified feeling) in my body had slightly changed in an all embracing itch feeling, which was a blessing compared with the hell of inner nerve pain. The “resonating clouds of gas” thoughts in my head, slightly changed into a feeling of a “stone” in my head. This “stone” is accompanied with contractions in my forehead and radiate behind my nose to my fore teeth.

After 4 years now, the “stone” and the contractions are still returning when I work behind a computer screen (indeed right now). After 4 years I still experience occasionally shivering of my body. After 4 years I still experience a kind of alienation from my emotions and my physical body. It feels like you’ve lost a part of yourself and some un-trustable stranger substitutes that part. I’m just glad that I can live a “normal” life right now. I’m still bitter, who’s gonna give me back what I’ve lost ? The battle I’m still fighting to win, is to win myself back again, and that means:


I know I’m not alone, I’m just one of many, a Prozac Survivor, a SSRI Survivor. I do wish to meet a lot of others now who are SSRI Survivors. Here in the Netherlands I’ve had a tremendous support by Frank van Meerendonk, the director of the Prozac Survivors Support Group (PSSG) in The Netherlands. Frank van Meerendonk has gathered a lot of information concerning SSRI’s, horrible stories, trials and neuro research. His approach is very down to earth. It’s shocking to know that there are so many people on SSRI’s nowadays in 2000 – about 40.000.000 worldwide on Prozac, not to mention the other SSRI’s- after so many victims crying out to the Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Among those people on SSRI’s are many children. Many children are also on Ritalin and Dexedrine, a Dopamine Reuptake Inhibitor, just like Cocaine or Speed (Amphetamine), and we all know the actions of these drugs very well.

There are NO excuses for these SSRI manufacturers, they just don’t care, they don’t listen, still going on producing copy-cat Prozac-clones, with a cute selling name, but with the SAME diabolical effect, working on the SAME serotonergic and related dopaminergic system in the brain, calling them: Prozac, Sarafem, Paxil, Zoloft, Luvox, Celexa, Anafranil, Redux, Fen- Phen, etc.. In the month of September 1997 the diet-drugs Redux and Fen-Phen had to be withdrawn by the FDA because of their serious life-threatening action’s, damaging the brain, heart and lungs. It’s obvious what is going on here ! It’s so very important to protect the (future) children against these products, these Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors and the awful arrogance of their suppliers !

I don’t know exactly how to describe this, but I definitely know that SSRI’s influence your conscience and the center of your will. I am talking by first hand experience, and after this experience it’s so very difficult to gain control back over your life again. It’s so hard to believe again that YOU are in control over YOUR mind, that YOU determine YOUR thoughts and YOUR emotions. I was not only heavily (post)-traumatized by this experience but also parts of my personality have changed. For example: I have to avoid some social situations because of my increased anxiety. I never had this before Prozac. I also have become extreme sentimental. I used to be a very bright, inquisitive individual. Now I have to force myself to be with people and to learn new things. I feel mentally raped by Prozac and it nearly killed me, but it could not destroy my essence.

SSRI’s are without any doubt the most dangerous and underestimated drugs on this planet and for what I and many other individuals have experienced, the product of pure evilness. These SSRI’s are products of pure darkness disguised as “angels of light”. It’s striking to see how they rush their “blitzkrieg”, to deceive the world, how people on them, are defending their drugs to the bone, worshipping them. It’s striking to see how our doctors have blind faith in SSRI’s and invite them to come in, like they were descendents of the Gods. It is a very frightening development of OUR future ! It’s very frightening to see the power of the almighty pharmaceutical companies, who develop and push their SSRI’s to the world, using their power by influencing the health care system and the media. It’s very frightening to watch a world of individuals fall asleep, who ridicule the cause of increasing school- and workplace shooters by using the nickname of “the Prozac Defense”. I can only hope that these individuals wake up from their dream-states in the near future, to find themselves naked and that they may see how many human lives their deceivers have destroyed in their surroundings….



This is Survivor Story number 7.
Total number of stories in current database is 34