Jenny McKinney – clinical depression – Paxil

My name is Jenny McKinney. I am 26 and a stay-at-home mother of three boys, ages 5, 4, and 1 year.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression in August of 1995. I was suicidal and depressed when I was prescribed the anti-depressant, Paxil. My mood swings were already out of control, but worsened after taking Paxil. I was told I would not see results for at least three weeks after beginning the drug. Within three days, my sister, whom was pregnant and I roomed with at the time, said if I did not get off the drug immediately, I was to find another place to live, because she would not have that baby with me in the home.

On Paxil, my mood swings increased greatly to the point I was sugar sweet one minute and violently psychotic the next. I was always nauseated, dizzy, and blacking out. To this day I cannot remember everything that went on at that time in my life. I was only on the drug for 2 weeks and quit cold turkey without consulting my psychiatrist.

I tried to handle life without any kind of meds, but over the next few years tried many herbals, including licorice root, St. John’s Wort, and SamE.

I struggled over the next few years with my depression and anxiety, as I married and had children. I tried counseling, different herbs, and much, much prayer. There were even a couple of times when the doctors wanted to institutionalize me. In spite of all my efforts, after having children the rage really set in. I was constantly yelling at my children, then 3
years and 18 months. I knew I was out of control with my depression and anger when my second son splashed in the bathtub and I spanked his bottom, several times, extremely hard, then sat and cried for hours over doing it. I was truly fearful that I would end up seriously hurting my kids if I did not get help.

Later in the week, my boys and I went to visit family out of state. My mother-in-law introduced me to Reliv when I arrived. As soon as she heard about it, she knew it was what I needed to get better. That was all I needed to hear. I began on Reliv Classic and Innergize immediately. I was taking them two times a day. By the third day, the same sister noticed the difference in me when I had not had my product. By the end of my two-week stay, I had not yelled at my children once.

I have since then had another child, and am able to handle life wonderfully, when I am consistent in taking these products. The best part, is knowing that as long as I am taking Reliv, my children are not afraid of me anymore.

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Prozac (Heaven + Hell)

“In a period of nine months while taking Prozac I had 11 extremely violent attacks on people.”

 

While suffering a major breakdown following a failed suicide attempt I was committed to a psychiatric hospital where I was first introduced to “Prozac The Wonder Drug” well so I heard. At first it was an evolution to my life, It was like seeing the world in colour for the first time my senses were working over time for the first time in my life I noticed things that I never bothered to take notice of before. I could smell flowers and see butterflies and I didn’t need to know the answers to the universe anymore? I was content, fulfilled, I was just happy to be alive……….so I thought!!!! I

was starting to become fine tuned and focused, a sponge for information. I didn’t need to sleep anymore, things started to become too easy. I was living on 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night than working a 10 to 11 hour day and yet I was producing my best work ever. Next come the dark side the mood swings, the paranoia, the agitation, the uncalculated risks, the violence, the superman syndrome. I couldn’t sit still. To this day I tap my foot constantly like some sort of drug addict. I can’t stand still I become agitated and begin to pace. My moods changes like the wind, “Roses and Thorns”.

I became paranoid, everybody’s watching me, ploys plots and conspiracies which led to embarrassing confrontations. I feared nothing. Before Prozac I had never had a physical fight. In a period of nine months while taking Prozac I had 11 extremely violent attacks on people who had been unpleasant to me or tried to intimidate me including my best friend which I hospitalized. Never before have I displayed such behavior. I was becoming impulsive, thoughts were becoming reality, reality was becoming thoughts. I could no longer differentiate between the constant nightmares, reality and my thoughts, what is real? Did I just dream that? Remember how we were talking about that yesterday? I haven’t seen you since last week and we have never talked about that???? Are you okay????

I started to think everybody was trying to confuse me and make me feel like I was going crazy. I was having memory flash backs which were emotionally overwhelming as if I just lived it over again. Project Prozac was terminated after I found myself holding a kitchen knife walking towards my ex-girlfriend ready to stab her (during an argument). I stopped and realized that it was just a thought passing through my mind one millionth of a second ago and here I am acting out my thoughts on impulse without time for evaluation. This scared the hell out of me. I was losing touch with reality. As a result I no longer took Prozac.

Since Prozac I have been on Cipramil, Arapax and Fluoxetine to name a few. What originally caused my breakdown is nothing in comparison to the impact of these antidepressants on my life. These drugs have totally trashed my life and I will never fully recover.

 

2/4/2001

This is Survivor Story number 11.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

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Withdrawal from Paxil

“Please get this message out…”

 

After trying several different antidepressants my doctor put me on Paxil. I stayed on it for about eight months but just didn’t like the way it made me feel. I felt like I wasn’t really living, just existing and I was extremely tired. I would fall asleep at nine at night and have trouble waking in the morning.

I decided to go off it VERY SLOWLY and without much help at all from my doctor. This is when my nightmare began. I experienced all kinds of symptoms- depression, uncontrolled bouts of crying, unable to get out of bed, dizziness, my head swimming and what I can only describe as brain attacks. I felt like I had some kind of brain damage . My doctor was completely unable to help me so I took Xanax to help counter the withdrawal symptoms. It helped a little. I even felt suicidal for the first time in my life. I thought I would never wake from this nightmare. Two months later I was still not completely off Paxil and the symptoms were still awful. I finally called a doctor in another state I had gone to in college and he told me there were several things I could have done to ease all this but since my dosage was now so small he told me to just stick it out and within about ten days of stopping completely I should start to feel better.

Well it took about another six weeks after stopping completely to feel normal again. Now another two months later I feel that I have recuperated from a serious illness. I can’t describe how wonderful it is to be off this drug completely. I am angry at my doctor for not telling me there are withdrawal symptoms from Paxil. None of the literature from the manufacturer mentions this. I would have never taken this drug had I known. The only thing that kept me going was reading the internet and knowing so many people were experiencing the same thing. PLEASE GET THE MESSAGE OUT TO PEOPLE THAT STOPPING IS POSSIBLE. There are so many others who just give up and stay on the drug to avoid the withdrawal symptoms.

Years 2000 and Prior

This is Survivor Story number 73.
Total number of stories in current database is 96

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