ANTIDEPESSANT: 8 Yr Old Boy Antidepressant-induced Psychosis

Paragraphs five and six read:  “However for Brayden, the
effects of the treatment offered were terrifying, and
five weeks after starting a course of antidepressants he
suddenly experienced his first psychotic episode.”

” ‘His
behaviour deteriorated to the point where he got out of control and
attempted to harm himself
,’  Ms Rowley said.”

Another boy falling through mental health gaps

19 Nov, 2009 01:00 AM
WAGGA boy Brayden Rowley has
a good heart, a wonderful sense of humour and a generous soul his loving mum
just hopes others can see that.

Annette Rowley is desperate for a
diagnosis for her beautiful eight-year-old son, but having exhausted every
available avenue through the NSW mental health system, is now not sure where to

After reading Karene Eggleton’s journey in The Weekend Advertiser,
the mother of four young boys felt compelled to come forward and let others know
Ms Eggleton’s son’s struggle to find appropriate care is not an isolated one.

While Brayden had displayed obvious signs of anxiety previously, his
condition began to escalate in February this year, and after seeking advice from
his school Ms Rowley turned to Community Mental Health for assistance.

However for Brayden, the effects of the treatment offered were
terrifying, and five weeks after starting a course of antidepressants he
suddenly experienced his first psychotic episode.

“His behaviour
deteriorated to the point where he got out of control and attempted to harm
himself,” Ms Rowley said.

“He felt so bad and he thought he was so bad
that we would be better off without him.”

On one particular occasion, Ms
Rowley called for an ambulance only to be informed none were available and
Braydon was then escorted to hospital in the back of a police van.

Rowley has since decided to cease Brayden’s antidepressant treatment and has
subsequently seen an improvement in her child.

Brayden has been through
extensive testing at Ms Rowley’s expense, including a cognitive assessment which
determined Brayden fell into the gifted and talented category, and testing by
ASPECT which revealed he is not affected by autism.

Ms Rowley
understands that her son does not fit neatly into any category but without a
diagnosis and individualised treatment, is concerned that he has been placed in
the too-hard basket.

“If the professionals don’t know what to do what am
I supposed to do?” she said.

Greater Southern Area Health Service
(GSAHS) chief executive Heather Gray yesterday said she was concerned that
Brayden’s family felt he was not receiving the level of care and treatment
expected from the mental health service.

Ms Gray said a senior manager
from the Wagga Wagga Community Mental Health team was attempting to contact Ms
Rowley today to discuss her concerns.

She said the GSAHS was unable to
comment publicly on individual cases.

 2,132 total views,  1 views today

ANTIDEPRESSANTS: Nightmares & Anxiety: Musician: Australia


Paragraph 26 reads: “Dempsey was struggling to function and became physically ill. For more than a year he took antidepressants, battling the side-effects of nightmares and anxiety. He eventually weaned himself off them.”

The measured minstrel

August 21, 2009

Paul Dempsey is striking a path as a solo artist, writes Andrew Murfett.

PAUL Dempsey is a closet football tragic. He has spent 2009 mildly obsessed with his beloved Saints breaking their 43-year premiership drought.

”There’s a mixture of happiness and fear there,” he says.

Publicly, at least, Dempsey is perhaps best known as a voracious reader with a fixation on quantum physics. His love of Aussie Rules is one of several little-known anomalies in his public facade.

Over 14 years in his day job fronting local rock trio Something For Kate, he has sold about 500,000 albums and managed to erect a wall between his public and private life. It’s been both a blessing and a curse. Ask those close to him and they confirm Dempsey possesses a wicked sense of humour. He has something of a reputation for retaining information, be it scientific or musical, and this translates to jokes.

One night, for instance, after a Something For Kate show in Bendigo, he exasperated his bandmates by telling jokes non-stop all the way back to Melbourne.

”It drove everybody out of their mind,” he says.

Yet, in his quest for privacy that gregarious humour has been somewhat lost and SFK’s reputation as a morose collective has remained.

It clearly rankles Dempsey.

”It’s still bizarre to me,” he says. ”Humour has always been in my writing. So I have to assume I’m not doing it right. I should accept that before I point the finger at others.”

This week Dempsey releases Everything is True, his debut solo album. And the focus is now squarely on him.

Dempsey sung and played every note on the album – and it’s his most lyrically direct work. Beginning with its sardonic title, the album plays on Dempsey’s pitch-black humour and deft storytelling skills.

In person, his lanky two-metre stature might be imposing were it not offset by his wry persona. He speaks candidly about topics such as his nomadic childhood, being married to a bandmate, his obsession with the metal band Slayer and a penchant for television series Lost.

“I’d put Lost in the same category as St Kilda. It’s been so good up until now, I’d hate for it to be buggered up before the finish.”

Dempsey turned 33 in May. But it has taken him until now, he says, having finished his solo debut, to understand how his brain works.

Dempsey has no memories of his father, Charlie, who died in a car crash when he was just a year old. He was raised by his mother, grandmother and three older sisters.

His family migrated from Dublin a year before Paul’s birth. After his father’s death, his mother remarried, and for a time she ran an Irish pub in South Melbourne.

Music was a constant in a family that was always on the move. Dempsey recalls moving nine times around Victoria and Queensland before he left home in his late teens.

From a young age, Dempsey listened to his sisters and mother singing at all hours and hearing them harmonise helped shape his approach to music.

Having taught himself piano, guitar and drums, he discovered he could hear a song on the radio, pick up an instrument and reproduce it. At age 10, the first song he learned to play was Eagle Rock.

Wife and bandmate Stephanie Ashworth has a theory. ”Paul is the human jukebox,” she says. ”He can play anything he’s heard once. It’s a weird phonographic memory, like a strange autism.”

After leaving home and moving in with his oldest sister, Jill, his sense of place was heightened when he visited Ireland for the first time at 21.

“I definitely felt at home there,” he says. “There’s an instinctive connection and familiarity.”

He was able to meet his father’s brother and twin sister and, for the first time, get a strong, almost visceral, sense of his dad’s personality. Often unnervingly. Several times in Dublin, he was approached by strangers, usually old men in pubs, who said: ”You must be Charlie Dempsey’s boy.”

Dempsey’s past undoubtedly had an impact on his solo record.

In 2004, making Desert Lights, the fifth Something For Kate record, he suffered a debilitating bout of depression. It was only after some convincing from those close to him that he sought treatment.

Dempsey was struggling to function and became physically ill. For more than a year he took antidepressants, battling the side-effects of nightmares and anxiety. He eventually weaned himself off them.

“It’s there on this record,” he says. “Looking back on those two years, it’s like it happened to someone else. It’s like watching a movie. It’s so hard to relate to being in that space now.

“Something changed drastically about my whole brain or person. I’m still getting used to me after that. Something about these songs has more space and breath. It’s brighter, I guess. I feel like the ropes are untied or the anchor’s gone. I feel less afraid. Which is really good but really scary sometimes, too.”

On Everything is True, Dempsey expresses feelings of wonder, confusion and bemusement. In his songs, life is a puzzle nobody really understands. That view clearly informs his writing.

Ashworth and SFK drummer, Clint Hyndman, say they pushed Dempsey to record a solo album.

”Actually, I was a little resistant to being pushed out,” Dempsey jokes.

His bandmates also insist they are comfortable with his new touring band – Shannon Vanderwert, Patrick Bourke and John Hedigan.

“We hope the next Kate record will be received with fresher ears,” Dempsey says.

Dempsey has been playing solo shows away from the band for more than a decade. He believes these have increased his confidence, helped him improvise and strengthened his singing.

But, he admits, his tendency to spend excruciating amounts of time pondering lyrics remains.

During the difficult gestation of Desert Lights, for example, the band arrived in Los Angeles to record the album but were unable to enter the studio because Dempsey was unhappy with the lyrics.

”Clint and I literally pushed Paul out of our car in the middle of Hollywood and told him he can’t come back until he’s finished,” Ashworth recalls.

Again, it took him 18 months to write the 11 songs on Everything is True. Dempsey wishes it was quicker. He writes daily, and wonders if that’s excessive for four-minute pop songs.

What keeps him going is the satisfaction of finishing.

”I’m proud of this album. But I’ve often looked back at a song and said: ‘Why the hell did that take me so long?'”

Dempsey also took plenty of time to publicly reveal his 13-year relationship with Perth expat Ashworth, which began before she joined the band in 1997.

“It was us being private and not wanting to talk about ourselves like that,” he says.

So has he often wished for a separation of work and home life?

“We did sometimes. But we now wouldn’t have it any other way, particularly with the travel. Initially it was a three-piece band with two of the members hooked up, so we thought problems would arise. But they haven’t, really.”

Dempsey and Ashworth have lived in their inner-Melbourne home for five years, the longest he has lived anywhere. This slightly troubles Dempsey, who tends to not become attached to places.

“I’ve never really felt like I had solid roots anywhere,” he says.

The two married almost four years ago in a Las Vegas hotel room (there was no Elvis impersonator). He says the decision to elope was typically pragmatic, based on the liberal marriage licence laws of Nevada.

“It probably keeps to the perception of me,” he says. “It was very easy. And not really that crazy.”

Everything is True is out now through EMI. Dempsey plays The Corner Hotel on September 12 and 13.

 1,187 total views,  1 views today

My Wife’s Suicide on Lexapro

“She was the most gentle, kind and compassionate woman I have ever met.”

My wife, Bonnie, to whom I was married for 32 loving years, completed suicide on Monday, January 26, 2004. She was severely depressed, on Thursday, January 22, she could not go to work. I stayed home with her and immediately took her to her physician. Her physician placed her on medical leave for a month, and referred her to a psychiatrist who saw her that afternoon. He did a lethality assessment and concluded that Bonnie was not a suicide risk, but was in fact severely depressed. Bonnie was already on Lexapro from her own physician. He elevated her dosage that day, and added Wellbutrin, both of which are on the FDA warning list. He told me what he did, but gave me no warnings of risk of suicide, and in fact told me that the drugs would help her feel better in time.

She began to experience greater anxiety and agitation over the weekend. She began making statements that simply were not rational, such as she was failing all her colleagues, and the children and families she worked with because she was going on medical leave for a month. She was a school social worker who worked with disabled children and their families, and she was quite good at what she did. When I told her that people became ill all the time, and schools and other organizations had the capability of filling in behind an employee that became sick, and it was her job to get well, she would not hear it. I tried to tell her over the weekend she was failing no one, but she just did not seem to comprehend or accept what I was saying.

The psychiatrist told me I could go back to work on Monday. I planned to take her back to see him on Tuesday morning, when she had the follow-up visit scheduled, and she knew I was going to. On Monday, I asked her if she wanted me to stay home with her, and I could go back to work on Wednesday, but she told me she would be all right. We talked on the phone about 10:00 and she said she was fine. I decided to go home at lunch time to check on her and have lunch with her. I arrived at 12:30. Some time between 10:00 and 12:30, she cut herself so violently and viciously that she lost every drop of blood in her body. This was the most gentle, kind and compassionate woman I have ever met. She never spanked our children; she just did not believe in violence. The other FDA symptom besides anxiety and agitation that I have read about is hostility. The violence on herself was incredibly hostile. It is my understanding that most female suicides are by overdose. She had plenty of pills including sleeping pills that she could have overdosed on, but she chose to attack herself. That was so wildly out of character, that I cannot understand it.

She was clearly depressed, and their is a family history of emotional disorder. However, the FDA warnings on antidepressants were an exact description of what happened to Bonnie. I can’t prove and I am not necessarily claiming cause and effect. However, I am posting this with you because I am really beginning to believe that the radical change in antidepressants affected her biochemistry, and contributed to her suicide.

If their is any way, Bonnie’s story can save even one life then I want to help do that.

Thank you for letting me share.

Fred Meservey (Bonnie’s devoted and loving husband)

 1,174 total views

A Professional Dancer’s Ordeal With SSRI’s

“…a “nightmare” of experimentation, grave anxiety, lots of depression and suicidal thoughts, which were to pervade my life for the next 12 plus years.”


Dear Ann Blake-Tracy,

Fortunately, for me, someone recently referred me to your tape, “Help, I can’t get off my Anti-Depressants.” I would like to tell you my story.

Back in 1989, after years suffering from depression and anxiety, I was prescribed, for the first time, an antidepressant. I had been a dancer, previously, with American Ballet Theatre, in New York, and the National Ballet of Canada. Although I was no longer dancing, I had always been very aware of my body, and did not realize how sensitive my body chemistry was. I have suffered from depression since I was about 12 years old. I immersed myself into the dance world, and became a professional dancer.

At this time, which was already several years after stopping dancing, I was prescribed Prozac, which I took for six months (I do not recall the dosage). I was living in Tempe, Arizona, at the time, and became “wired like a bunny, going 90 miles an hour, sleeping about four hours a night.” I began commuting back and forth to Los Angeles, where I fell into the movie business, doing set decoration. I was happy and high. After six months, I went off the medication.

About six months later, someone broke into my truck, in LA. I, for lack of any other description, “freaked out,” beyond the normal reaction. I panicked, felt violated, and really overreacted. I decided to try to take the Prozac again, and began what was to become a “nightmare” of experimentation, grave anxiety, lots of depression and suicidal thoughts, which were to pervade my life for the next 12 plus years.

I guess my body chemistry being so sensitive, when I tried to take the Prozac again, I reacted badly, becoming even more anxious and agitated. The doctors would increase my dose, and it would get worse. Over the next 10 or so years, I went on and off different medications, different doses, always on the low side. I was given Paxil (made me severely agitated and very drowsy), Wellbutrin, Depakote, Serzone, Zoloft, and I even tried St. John’s Wort, Kava, and nothing. My cycles of depression were severe at times. And whenever I got to the point where I was finally off the medication I was taking, as I tried to get off so many times, I would have a major depressive episode, and it would take from six to nine months to get back to normal. It was even more difficult getting back on the drugs and becoming stable, after I had weaned off. I must say, I always did this against my doctor’s advice; she did not want me off my medications, I wanted off.

For a few years I did well on a low dose of Zoloft. Then I tried to wean off, and had a serious re-occurrence of the depression, waking up extremely anxious every day, not wanting to live. It was almost harder getting back on the drugs after I had weaned off. It took about nine months to recover and feel “normal” again.

In 1999, I ended up at a treatment center for depression and anxiety. By this point I was taking only Luvox, as I had a lot of obsessive thinking (not OCD, though). I don’t know what happened, but I went through a period that was bad, and the doctor’s upped my dosage from 25 mg to 75 mg a day, and I really freaked out and ended up going to this treatment center. When I dropped the dosage back to 25, the anxiety was greatly reduced. The doctor would always tell me to take a Xanax when it got that bad…I would rarely do that, and if I did, I would take 1/2 of the .25 mg pill, just one time, and that would jump start me back to normal, after a day of feeling totally out of it, for the next six months or nine months, when I might end up taking another 1/2 a Xanax again.

Anyway, today I have stabilized on 12.5 mg. of Luvox, EVERY OTHER DAY!! I have been trying to wean off for years, unsuccessfully. I practice kundalini yoga, with Gurmukh, at Golden Bridge Yoga in Los Angeles and am taking the teacher’s training program. This form of yoga works on the nervous system. A lot of time I shake in class, because I know my nervous system is still so out of whack. I try to each healthy, I don’t eat red meat, and not much chicken or fish, either. I am attracted to sugar, and always have been. I have a very lean, muscular, athletic body, and obviously a VERY sensitive body chemistry. The kundalini yoga has been amazing, BUT, I still haven’t been able to get past the 12.5 mg every other day dosage.

WHAT CAN I DO???????? If I pull out just one pill, meaning, if I skip one day, hoping to proceed further in the weaning process, I find myself dip right into the depression. I can also become very angry and agitated.

Earlier this year, not knowing the severity of quick withdrawal, I went from 12.5 mg Luvox every day to every other day for one week. I felt like I was in bliss, like someone lifted the cloud off my head. The second week I cut back to 12.5 mg every third day. On day 10 I suffered a severe crash, and it took me 6 weeks to get back to normal. I had to resume my dosage to 12.5 every day, and eventually got it back to 12.5 mg every other day. But every day, for six weeks, I woke up agitated, and crying and not wanting to live.

I am 43 years old. I am tired of being on medications, even if it is only a small dosage. I have taken something or other since the end of 1989, on and off. I want so much to be drug-free. I am also single, and tired of being alone. No one wants to deal with this kind of mood disorder, although I was married, and my husband was supportive, most relationships cannot endure “my problem.”

Despite my depressions, I have always been a functioning depressive. I will cry and be alone and in pain in the quiet of my own home, or often when I am on the streets driving, and I will go to work and complete my job. I work on the TV show “Malcolm in the Middle.” I shop for the set decorations, so I am often out by myself. I have time to be in pain and depression and not show anyone, then put on a smile when I get around the set. But it’s not good enough for me anymore.

I want to get past this dosage of 12.5 every other day, and get to NOTHING!! I practice the kundalini yoga 2-3 times a week. I’ve tried some herbs at various times to support my weaning, but I honestly haven’t been consistent with any one program. I get 32 acupuncture visits a year, free as part of my insurance, and I have utilized them for emotional balancing. I always come of there “spaced out,” much like how I feel after a yoga class.

I don’t know how long I’ve been on Luvox, probably almost four years now, if not more. Like I said, I don’t even know if it’s doing anything for me, but I have managed to get down to the 12.5 every other day, and I want so much to be off completely. Last week, I actually managed to cut the 25 mg tablet that I cut in half to make 12.5, in half again, to make it 6.25 (approx) mg, and I took that one day. I may have imagined this, but I suffered a relapse after that, too.

I follow a spiritual path. I’ve read all the self-help books. My whole life has been devoted to wanting to heal. It’s time for this to end now.

Please, can you tell me how I can finally kick that last little bit of the medication?? I don’t even know if even the 12.5 mg every other day is doing much for me, because I still have my cycles of mood swings.

Can I hope to be off of them completely? Where should I go from here??

I hope you will write back to me.

Thank you so much for your time.



This is Survivor Story number 2.
Total number of stories in current database is 48

 1,579 total views

Homicidal and Suicidal on Zoloft and Paxil

“1 week on the Paxil and I was nuts!”


Recently experiencing a mind-altering homicidal/suicidal Zoloft induced event in my own life, I wondered if any studies have been done to determine how many of these men had been taking an SSRI.

My personal experience, thank God, did not end in a completed homicide or suicide. If it not for your website and links I know I would not be here to testify to the dangers of SSRI’s.

I am currently withdrawing from Zoloft for the 4th time in 10 years. It saddens me even to admit this. Why I again took the drug that had led me to suicidal ideation when withdrawing from it in the past is beyond me.

I want to share with you my recent frightening experience.

I successfully withdrew from 8 years of taking Zoloft last year. By April, 2002 I was medication free. I also stopped receiving depo-provera injections. In Aug. I experienced depression (I now think was PMS) and was very adverse to any treatment with an SSRI. My depression lingered and my Dr. insisted I go back on an SSRI ”because I was just one of those people that will always need an SSRI to live a normal life”. She suggested that since I had effectively gone off Zoloft that Paxil would be a better alternative. 1 week on the Paxil and I was nuts! 2 weeks on the Paxil and I developed severe heart palpitations, increased anxiety and a total inability to concentrate. I titrated myself to shavings of Paxil and went back to the Dr. She was unhappy that I had decreased the Paxil dosage, and thought I should have increased it to “get past that”. We agreed Zoloft had worked before, and I immediately quit the Paxil and started back on a 50 mgm Zoloft dose with a psychiatric consult in 2 weeks. My Dr. felt that “my psychiatric problems were beyond her scope” and suggested my meds be evaluated by a shrink.

After taking the Zoloft 50 mgm for 1 week, I developed a homicidal and suicidal obsession. I was functioning in a somewhat normal fashion, but could not avoid thinking about suicide almost 24 hours a day. I felt it was the only answer to my problems. On the day of my psych consult, I was in despair over the anxiety attacks I was experiencing at night, waking me out of my sleep. I also was in despair over the invasion of suicidal thoughts and feeling the need to kill my child (to protect her) that were overwhelming me. I told this to the intake nurse during my initial psych interview.

She escorted me to the psychiatrist, who gave me some diagnostic fill in the blank tests. He increased the Zoloft to 100mgm a day, gave me a 2 week sample of Wellbutrin to start bid and gave me a sample bottle of Zyprexa to take prn -”for when you are really losing it”. I scheduled a follow up appt. for 2 weeks and left. I went home, picked up my daughter and took her to her gymnastics class. While waiting for her, I read the inserts in the drug sample boxes. Oh, My God! This information scared me out of my wits! I determined that the shrink really thought I was nuts without telling me! I immediately went to the bathroom and flushed the samples away. I thought, if I get any more suicidal, I’ll be over-dosing on my samples in a flash. While watching my daughter work so hard at her gymnastics, I decided I could not bare any more thoughts of killing her or myself. I needed to get home, get to your site and start researching what was wrong with me!

After her class, when we arrived home, the police were in my drive-way. I was fearing some tragedy had happened to my sons or husband. When my daughter and I entered our home, I found I was the tragedy!! The police had been waiting for me for 1/2 hour. They had been dispatched to my home, by the intake nurse at the clinic. She had called the police and told them I was going to kill my daughter and myself. The police had spent the time before I got home questioning my family, searching our home, and removing my husband’s gun collection from the house. All this was done with my husband’s permission as he and my boys were totally unaware of my problems. The police interviewed me for a 1/2 hour and 2 more police came to our home. After another 1/2 hour they decided I was o.k. and left. I had a lot of explaining to do to my family. They were as alarmed as I . For lack of insight and desperation I started taking 100mgm of Zoloft that evening.

About a week later after developing extreme heart palpitations and increased anxiety (which my m.d. gave me Xanax for). I went to your website and found a link re: Zoloft side effects; I found that suicidal and homicidal ideation within the first few weeks of use was a known side effect.

It would have been very beneficial if the psychiatrist and other professionals I came in contact with would have known this. As soon as I read this I went to another link for more help and decided to taper off the Zoloft. The anxiety, depression, and especially the heart palpitations have subsided.

I had an echocardiogram and holter monitor which showed I was fine. I haven’t got all the Zoloft out of my system yet, but am hopeful that I will use ANY alternative to SSRI medication should/when the depression returns.

After careful evaluation of my situation, and having had successful use of Zoloft for many years, I had come to the conclusion that I needed more Zoloft because I was SO depressed about the suicidal ideation. I spoke directly to a phone counselor from another link. He was very helpful in explaining that THE SAME MEDICATION (ESPECIALLY SSRI’S) CAN CAUSE NEW SIDE EFFECTS WHEN THEY ARE TAKEN AGAIN AFTER BEING DISCONTINUED. It was a logical explanation to what had gone wrong!

If it weren’t for your website and links I doubt I would be able to write this. Thank-you Dr. Tracy for saving my life.

Thank you, again.

Laura Kandl



This is Survivor Story number 7.
Total number of stories in current database is 48

 1,424 total views

Teenager Loses Creative Passion on Zoloft and Paxil

“Paxil almost made me go insane after just a few days.”


I’ve been looking for a site like this for a long time now-ever since I decided (thank God) to get off my antidepressant medication.

Ok, so I am a 17-year old male, right… When I first got to high school, my parents divorced so things were kind of a mess and for the first time in my life I had made “enemies.”

Well, that’s when I first started seeing a psychiatrist. We would talk and underlying everything that was discussed to make me “better” was a deep, conviction that I was so terribly shy and this needed to be cured.

So I tried Zoloft and Paxil, but went off them immediately after not even a week. I will say that the Paxil almost made me go insane after just a few days. Yes, it was against the doctor’s word to go off them. Thank God I did though. Then a while passed and this time I thought I truly needed help.

I had gotten into a fight at school and received threats from a lot of people. I was completely paranoid and my mom (and I gave in) put me in the mental hospital (for kids). Oh my God, this is where I had like my calling or whatever the hell I was thinking (hoping they could cure me so I would fit in and be my “old” self again).

I don’t even remember if all this is right because my memory is really screwed up now. But, so I went on Celexa this time and unfortunately, for good…I was sixteen at the time. I talking a lot more in class, my anxiety was gone, I got really into the stuff they were feeding me at school, and my reputation for a nice, respectable young man went down the tube. I guess it was my own doing. But I started wanting to be different from everybody else, but I was Zen-like, using the Bible (it’s cover) as an inspiration.

I think I had too much ADD to read the bible at the time-it was just a matter of calming my emotions. Ok, so mix these calming drugs with listening to the band Radiohead. Not cool at all. I lost my two best friends. I got full of myself because I had gotten accepted to an art school. But the summer between leaving my old school I started believing I was getting really close to my family. My Dad at least because he was (and still is) taking the same medication I was. But I would say anything that came to mind. I thought I was “better”…

Then art school started and I went from being a boring person with a vivid imagination that could be translated to paper (drawing) to a zombie who could only draw from observation. My concentration was really good but I had spurts of anger with anticipated culmination of disaster. I was a totally different person. I wasn’t self-conscious at all anymore, had no friends either. Then I saw something in the other people at that school that reminded me of the old-me (the one I didn’t like for some reason) that made me want to change.

“A beautiful mind”, “one flew over the cuckoo’s nest”- these movies made me realized I’d lost my artistic passion or whatever the hell I had before. A reason for living…

Well, yeah so then I went cold-turkey off the medication and slowly but surely went insane. It was not cool at all. I re-visited the past that I had tried to escape on medication. I thought I had lost the “holy spirit” though and this made me think about committing suicide. It was horrible. Before I would say such things to get attention but now I really felt it.

The bottom line is, do not believe that you have a depression that needs “correcting”. My God, that’s what I believed but then I realized it is just the devil doing his work. I have no life now really. I had lots of talent and potential and I think its all gone now because I thought I had a problem but really didn’t. Now when I hear these antidepressants being touted to save people or whatever, I have other thoughts. It’s hard for me to realize that I am my old self again. I had to piece back together my memory. It is better to be this way than a zombie on drugs though.



This is Survivor Story number 26.
Total number of stories in current database is 48

 1,326 total views

Insane Thoughts on Prozac

“It turned me into a junkie, waking up with shocks, nightmares, anxiety, panic…”


I am a 36-year old female, who has her own business and was prescribed Prozac by a psychiatrist for an anxiety disorder and obsessive traits. I was not told of the side effects, and was instructed to just take a quarter.

Within a year I was up to taking 3 & 1/2 as I found that if you do not take more and more, the side effects were worse than what I started with.

It turned me into a junkie, waking up with shocks, nightmares, anxiety, panic, and grabbing for the Prozac after eating immediately every morning.

I was an absolute wreck, having criminally insane thoughts and dreams, shaking, nausea, paranoia, anxiety and panic, I felt that it put me at a cross roads.

Do not take more and more, this is horrendous. Take less and taper off.

Its been two months and I’m still reclusive and suffering the described effects, but I have found that a chiropractor/ kinesiology/homeopath /craniologist has greatly assisted with natural alternatives and healing the symptoms.

I was diagnosed with too much adrenalin, as well my spine needed fixing as the nerves connected were also “not right.”

I was prescribed medicines that are slowly working with no side effects. I hope this helps.

K Jamieson



This is Survivor Story number 32.
Total number of stories in current database is 48

 996 total views,  1 views today

I Thought I was Going Totally Mad

“My doc took me off 50mgs of Seroxat / Paxil cold turkey.”



I spent 7 days thinking that I was going totally mad in July of this year after My doc took me off 50mgs of Seroxat / Paxil cold turkey

I genuinely believed that it was the “real me” coming out underneath & for a week really thought I was going out of my mind – then I did a search & found your site & realized I was not alone – your group literally saved my life

It took 6 weeks of brain shocks / zaps & countless other forms of GSB torture & side effects from the drug before I was better

I decided to set up my own group in late summer to try & give something back, so hopefully no one would ever go through the withdrawal hell I went through

Since then I believe we have created a really sound bunch of people (over 12,000 postings)

Quite often I have relayed stories & postings from your group & we (our group) have helped save many lives (I do not make that claim not lightly)

I ask that you can invite your members to visit our group & would welcome our entire membersship to visit yours

Yours Sincerely
Rory Stokes (Group Founder)depression-anxiety

Our link is:-

Rory Stokes



This is Survivor Story number 46.
Total number of stories in current database is 48

 1,313 total views,  2 views today

A Nurse's Nightmare on Xanax and Paxil

“In just 3 days I began going crazy.”


I’m a 31 year old female (and a registered nurse) I have 2 young children, recently I went through a lot of loss in my life. My mother in law battling her second brain tumor, and I cared for my grand father in his home until his death. During this time I became very anxious and started having some neurological symptoms of twitching and fatigue. My physician suggested I get to see a neurologist to rule out MS. That was the day I had my first panic attack (seems mild to me now.)

I then realized I could not see a neurologist for over 2 months. The anxiety intensified, my MD prescribed Xanax and Paxil. The first day I only required a 1/2 of a .25mg of Xanax. but by day 3 on Paxil I was taking 2 whole tabs of Xanax with no relief. In just 3 days I began going crazy. I had my husband take me to the hospital. I was not sleeping, eating, I was very dizzy. I had tingling, burning, numbness all over my body, headaches, and strange tremors and electrical sensations. Many of these symptoms mimic the symptoms of MS.

I went through the whole battery of tests, all negative. It was not until day 7 of Paxil that I realized that the majority of my symptoms were directly related to the Paxil. I weaned myself over 3 days, (only on it for 7 days before) It has only been 8 days now, I am feeling about 50% better. Every morning I wake up and go for my morning walk (3 miles) It takes so much out of me, but I know it is important. When I come home I have to prepare myself for the long day of taking care of my children. I am trying to stay busy and surround myself with a lot of very supportive people. At this point my three biggest complaints are dizziness, extreme fatigue, and inability to sleep. I just wanted to know if my story sounds familiar, (I had no mental health history before 3 weeks ago!) I just have to keep thinking that I will be better someday. Thanks for your support. My love and prayers to all of you suffering.



This is Survivor Story number 27.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

 1,461 total views

Murder-Suicide on Zyban

“But after going on Zyban something went terribly wrong.”


We have a close friend who went on Zyban nearly 2 years ago to quit smoking. He was the nicest guy you could ever know. He was unselfish – often taking in homeless people into his own home and helping them out until they were on their feet again. If a neighbor needed help – he was the first one to lend a hand.

He was also a single dad who was raising his 8-yr. old son on his own. He also had a 3-yr. old daughter by a following relationship that failed. The little girl lived with her mom.

But after going on Zyban something went terribly wrong. He felt so much anxiety about his little girl, because her mommy was a drug addict. The next thing we knew, he was all over the news on TV and in the papers.

He had taken his 2 kids camping out of town and attempted a murder suicide, which resulted in suffocating the girl and slitting the boys throat and slitting his own wrists. The boy lived but the girl died. He suddenly came to himself and realized what he had done and quickly drove to the nearest town to a hospital to try and save his son. All he was wearing when he arrived at the hospital was his undershorts.

He underwent psychiatric assessment before the trial and they said he was totally sane. Yet they failed to admit that the Zyban had anything to do with it. Now he is serving 15 years in Jail for the death of his little girl and the trauma that his son had to face.

I feel so awful – I don’t think he should be in jail. And the worst of it is – the jail will not even allow him any psychological counseling to help him deal with this tragedy.

And he is still smoking!

Heartbroken in Canada



This is Survivor Story number 14.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

 1,157 total views,  1 views today