Paragraphs 18 through 26 read: “At 12 she was on
antidepressants, seeing a child psychologist and was educated at
home.
“At the age of 16 she was prescribed another type form
of antidepressants and was scared of leaving the safety of her
home to go to college.”
“Combined with her BDD symptoms, the anxiety was
too much to bear and the teenager tried to kill
herself with an overdose of painkillers in September 1999. “
“She
was found by her mother Heather Samuels, who rushed her to hospital and saved
her life.”
“It was then Ms Camille was referred to another child
psychologist, but the symptoms proved too much again.”
“At the age of 17
, she tried to end her life again in June 2000, but was saved and finally
diagnosed with BDD.”
“But treatment did not help and at 18, she
tried to take an overdose in the summer of 2001 and October 2001,
each time being rescued by her now ex-partner.”
“For three years
Ms Camille has kept her illness at bay but in summer
2004 tried twice to commit suicide.”
“It was finally at the age
of 23, in 2006, that she hit rock bottom and made what would be
the final attempt to take her own
life.”
Blind to her own beauty: The woman with body dysmorphia who can’t bear to
look at her own reflection
By Daily
Mail Reporter
Last updated at 2:11 PM on 13th November 2009
A
young woman spoke today of her secret battle against a rare body dysmorphia
condition that has caused her to attempt suicide eight times.
Hannah
Camille, 26, regularly gets admiring glances from men, but takes them as looks
of repulsion, not attraction.
Her body dysmorphic disorder blinds her to
her own beauty and makes her feel worthless – despite obvious good
looks.
Recovering: Hannah Camille’s body dysmorphic disorder made her
hate her body so much she tried to commit suicide eight times
Depression: Hannah, pictured at 21, before she hit rock bottom two years
later and made what would be the final attempt to take her own life
The
illness is so severe it has made Hannah try to take her own life eight
times.
Ms Camille, from Walsall, West Midlands, claims when she looks in
a mirror, she cannot see the person everyone else does, but a grotesque, fat
figure.
But now, Hannah thinks she has found the key to battling the
illness – thanks to her passion for photography.
By making herself a work
of art, she says she has managed to look at herself objectively.
Ms
Camille’s nightmare began when she was just nine and started puberty early,
sparking feelings of self-loathing and paranoia.
Hannah said: ‘When I
look in the mirror all I see is where it’s fat. I can see parts of me that look
thin but I push that aside.
‘I see my stomach sticking out, my hips are
wide and my legs are huge.
‘When it first started I can remember thinking
that I wasn’t good enough and believing people thought I was disgusting to be
around.
‘I remember feeling everybody hated me and I used to focus on
everyone’s put downs, and dismiss any compliments.
‘The worst point was
just before I started college, I tried to commit suicide for the first
time.
‘That was when I felt I didn’t care if I’m not alive, that I was
not afraid to die. It was one my lowest points.’
Despite a happy
childhood, Ms Camille was convinced she was fat, ugly and stupid – quickly
developing anorexia.
At 12 she was on antidepressants, seeing a child
psychologist and was educated at home.
At the age of 16 she was
prescribed another type form of antidepressants and was scared of leaving
the safety of her home to go to college.
Combined with her BDD symptoms,
the anxiety was too much to bear and the teenager tried to kill herself with an
overdose of painkillers in September 1999.
She was found by her mother
Heather Samuels, who rushed her to hospital and saved her life.
It was
then Ms Camille was referred to another child psychologist, but the symptoms
proved too much again.
At the age of 17 , she tried to end her life again
in June 2000, but was saved and finally diagnosed with BDD.
But treatment
did not help and at 18, she tried to take an overdose in the summer of 2001 and
October 2001, each time being rescued by her now ex-partner.
For three
years Ms Camille has kept her illness at bay but in summer 2004 tried twice to
commit suicide.
It was finally at the age of 23, in 2006, that she hit
rock bottom and made what would be the final attempt to take her own
life.
Following a massive nervous breakdown, doctors tried to commit her,
but mother Heather, 69, intervened and she was allowed to stay at home under
24-hour suicide watch.
Heather’s pain, new medication and a therapist –
who suggested using her photography skills to help boost Hannah’s confidence –
proved the turning point.
It was looking back at pictures she had taken
of herself that brought on the start of recovery.
Moving on: Hannah’s
passion for photography triggered her to look at her body objectively and helped
others with a similar condition
Now Ms Camille has just completed her
first exhibition of her photographs at the Chameleon Art Gallery in Walsall to
critical acclaim.
Hannah said: ‘I looked at them and I just saw myself as
an art piece rather than me.
‘It really helped to accept myself and not
think about body and image but a person as a whole.
‘It was then I
contacted other sufferers and offered to take pictures of them.
‘I
believe that it helped them in a way as much as it did me – it was a kind of
group therapy.
‘You are never over BDD but on a good day I can say
I look okay.
‘If I can look in the mirror and say I look okay, that I can
go out and do normal things like window-shop and have a picnic, to me that is
wonderful.
‘To others it can sound mundane, but compared to what I been
though mundane is positive for me. It’s better than how I felt in the
past.
‘I looked at a picture of myself last night and I thought I looked
beautiful.
“It wasn’t because I thought I was attractive – it was because
I looked happy.’
