This is Survivor Story number 19.
Total number of stories in current database is 77
A 16-Year Old Tells of Suicidal Attempts on SSRIs
“I have thoughts of wanting to hurt people, and I have never been a violent person.”
My name is Jason Atwood. I am sixteen years old and have been on several different medications since I was thirteen years old. When I was about twelve years old I started to get signs of Depression. At the time there was reason for it and I didntt do much about it. I figured that present circumstances, it was okay to feel sad. Well, things brightened up for everyone around the home, except myself. So, I started to go to therapy. By this time I was thirteen years old. I was told that I should be on medication so, I went to my family doctor and he proscribed me Paxil. I took it for about a week. Then, the side effects became too strong, I couldntvsleep, my mouth was constantly dry and I couldnt concentrate in school. So after the week I came off of Paxil. There was nothing the doctor said concerning how to taper off. So I just stopped taking the pills.
A meaningless argument between me and my sister left me in a panic. I ran down the stairs into my basement, picked up a piece of glass and cut myself for the first time. After that I switched therapists and talked to my therapist about cutting. He didnt care. Later that year, I was convinced I needed medication. So, in frenzy I stole my cousins medication, Zoloft®. I started taking it in November, and stopped taking it in January. That Quarter of school I failed every class because I stopped caring about my grades. The thing I worried about most, making sure they were all up to date.
July 9, 2002 I tried to take my life, the one thing that I had held precious in my sight. Upon being committed into a psych. Ward, I was put on Celexa. I had been taking it for three months when my suicidal thoughts returned. I was scared to tell my parents in fear that I would be sent back to a psychiatric ward. So, I continued to hurt myself. I would take large amounts of pills, and I would cut my arms, legs, chest, and anywhere I wanted to.
April 19, 2003. I tried to take my life again, and I was hospitalized. I went into primary childrens hospital. I continued taking my normal medication or so I thought.
Without my permission or my knowledge, they had switched my medication. I was now taking Remeron®. Ever since I have been on Remeron® I have had thoughts of wanting to gouge my eyes out, strange dreams, and fatigue . I have thoughts of wanting to hurt people, and I have never been a violent person.
With the help of a doctor who knows a lot about medication I have been coming down off the Remeron. The side-effect, still apply, and I still feel urges to commit suicide but, I am better at fighting them. I would like to state my feelings of medication, they are not necessary and dont feel that people need them to survive thank you for you time!
Jason Lloyd Atwood
527 total views, 1 views today