Survivor Story 201:19/77 – A 16-Year Old Tells of Suicidal Attempts on SSRIs.

 

A Survivor Speaks Out

2003

This is Survivor Story number 19.
Total number of stories in current database is 77

8/3/2003

A 16-Year Old Tells of Suicidal Attempts on SSRIs

 

Antidepressants

“I have thoughts of wanting to hurt people, and I have never been a violent person.”

My name is Jason Atwood. I am sixteen years old and have been on several different medications since I was thirteen years old. When I was about twelve years old I started to get signs of Depression. At the time there was reason for it and I didn’t‚t do much about it. I figured that present circumstances, it was okay to feel sad. Well, things brightened up for everyone around the home, except myself. So, I started to go to therapy. By this time I was thirteen years old. I was told that I should be on medication so, I went to my family doctor and he proscribed me Paxil. I took it for about a week. Then, the side effects became too strong, I couldn’tvsleep, my mouth was constantly dry and I couldn’t concentrate in school. So after the week I came off of Paxil. There was nothing the doctor said concerning how to taper off. So I just stopped taking the pills.

A meaningless argument between me and my sister left me in a panic. I ran down the stairs into my basement, picked up a piece of glass and cut myself for the first time. After that I switched therapists and talked to my therapist about cutting. He didn’t care. Later that year, I was convinced I needed medication. So, in frenzy I stole my cousins‚ medication, Zoloft®. I started taking it in November, and stopped taking it in January. That Quarter of school I failed every class because I stopped caring about my grades. The thing I worried about most, making sure they were all up to date.

July 9, 2002 I tried to take my life, the one thing that I had held precious in my sight. Upon being committed into a psych. Ward, I was put on Celexa. I had been taking it for three months when my suicidal thoughts returned. I was scared to tell my parents in fear that I would be sent back to a psychiatric ward. So, I continued to hurt myself. I would take large amounts of pills, and I would cut my arms, legs, chest, and anywhere I wanted to.

April 19, 2003. I tried to take my life again, and I was hospitalized. I went into primary children‚s hospital. I continued taking my normal medication or so I thought.

Without my permission or my knowledge, they had switched my medication. I was now taking Remeron®. Ever since I have been on Remeron® I have had thoughts of wanting to gouge my eyes out, strange dreams, and fatigue . I have thoughts of wanting to hurt people, and I have never been a violent person.

With the help of a doctor who knows a lot about medication I have been coming down off the Remeron. The side-effect, still apply, and I still feel urges to commit suicide but, I am better at fighting them. I would like to state my feelings of medication, they are not necessary and don‚t feel that people need them to survive thank you for you time!

Jason Lloyd Atwood

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