MY PSYCHIATRIC STORY

Trine is a 17 year old girl who goes to high school . She grew up in a home where she is exposed to what we call emotional neglect which is just as bad for someone like incest is. This means she is her mother’s extended arm emotionally and on that account there is committed many atrocities against her. She is also being beaten by her father and left out of both parents when she did not ” behave properly ” . She can then sit and cry alone in her room as the loser in the sick game. Often she should take responsibility for her mother’s feelings and succumb to her father’s caprice and her two older siblings are also players in their own way. NOONE understand Trine and that she is a very sensitive girl . Trine was born with a slight form of autism called asperger and when this diagnosis is not known at that time becomes Trine never “discovered” . Trine has problems with social interaction and her temper and she is a different girl that her parents have difficulty understanding and understandably so true . Parents are not to blame for her developmental disorder like autism course is. Trine will not be discovered with her autism because she is super to read social interaction intellectually and throughout elementary school she manage fine and because of her intelligence the good teachers do not realize that this girl is a bit different in social interaction. The only focus is on how skilled Trine is. When she comes to high school it all went wrong. Trine do not understand the ” culture ” such a place and left out of some girls and when she does not feel she fits into that she finally breaks. The cup overflows . Trine gets a depression and goes to her practitioner who gives her ” happy pills ” . He tells her parents : “It’s a major depression .” Can you now go home and take good care of Trine and that she does not take her life in her major depression . Trine must abandon high school. She must take the second grade of high school all over again and she quit school for that reason. She is too sick for that and give it up.

Trine feels better after a few months and go for a while at a private practicing psychiatrist who regard her youth psychiatry . Here Trine talks to a female psychiatrist and she is medicated with Prozac continuelly . Trine gets better and better and can work again . She feels helped by medication and is finally completely healthy and Withdrawn from it. Trine is just so happy and feel completely on top. She now start highschool again . She takes a course in a day highschool and now she starts reading for teacher. It is Trine’s BIGGEST DREAM in life. She loves children and her happy and laughing mind attracts kids who LOVE her. Trine has raised a lot of kids in her young life already . She knows this is what she wants. She is targeted by it. Trine is just sensitive and a death in the family fall over Trine again with a new depression. Trine knows that happiness pills helps her for the course, they have done before so she seeks again a psychologist which may not help at Trines depression and she comes into a private psychiatrist who begins to medicate Trine . This time rather vehemently with often two drugs at the same time . This time nothing works at Trine . The psychiatrist must give up and send Trine into a mental dayhospital in psychiatry where Trina is happy to be starting for they must ofcourse be able to help her. Trine is very trusting when it comes to people and the help she will get . They help her probably as good as in the past. She is confident. In the dayhospital the much medication continues but Trine just gets worse and worse . She sits like a zombie and staring out into space in a chair. A fellow patient take notice and say, “I have been hospitalized many times in the psychiatric ward in my life but I have never ever seen anyone as sick as you. Never! Trine takes each day home from the mental dayhospital and goes from being a girl in the weigh of 73 kg to weigh 96 kg . Trine feels she is near death. She suffers from constipation , dry mouth, chapped lips and is so much in torment she can not live in dignity . She thinks one day either it must stop here or else she takes her own life or else she dies of ” treatment ” .

 

She goes back to the mental dayhospital and communicate with the “smart ” doctors and nurses that she will not be involved in this anymore .The caregivers may well see it is not good and they can see that there is not something that helps and that their many medications have not helped a stick but worsened Trines situation. Trine is 21 years old at that time. The “professional” decides to take her of the medication.Trine is now fast completely healthy and gets out from the mental dayhospital . Now life is going to be lived fully. She leaves home and enjoying her new life and get a job and it all goes well for her. She has not given up the dream of becoming an educator as she now works in a kindergarten again . Trine is sensitive to stress and two years after she goes to the doctor with symptoms of stress . She feels something sad and tired but it is also stressful at the job. Trine think , however, although it is a depression again and says to the doctor it might be a depression. He looks in the journal/case record. She is a former psychiatric patient so it’s probably very possible and Trine gets happy pills again . Trine takes the pills . She will not lose her job and it may well be they help this time . Trine did not feels the pills helps quite but she is also not wildly worse. But after she breaks up with a boyfriend the film breaks even more for Trine . She is very sensitive. She goes at the time of district psychiatry . The psychologist believes that she should be increased in dose in order not to “break completely” Trine is increased but she is still fighting not to break down completely. She calls the psychologist during working hours and is completely out of it. Finally Trine decides to stop the job and going to college .

 

The job is simply too much now in the state she is in and she does not like to be there more. She is now taking some psychotropic drugs which makes her very hungry and she rises again in weight from 73 kg to 97 kg . They will also help her sleep when she can not sleep and she has also had difficulty sleeping in many years. Ever since she came on ” happy pills ” . At the school Trine is always tired . She sleeps poorly and during the day she is just so tired and has decreased energy . She reports from a study tour. Trine feels she only experience half of the stay due to her condition. When she comes home Trine is completely distraught . Why is she like this she thinks? It can not be true I should go and be so tired and now I get the medicine and it can not be true that I do not get better on medication after all ? Trine think so it creaks and decides to go to the doctor again . Maybe she has a different diagnosis that doctors can not find out. Maybe she should have something completely different medication and she will get well . Trine is desperate. She even ask to be tested in the district psychiatry for a possible diagnosis so she can get the right treatment so that she can have a better life again .

 

Trine is now from her own doctor sent into the arms of a psychiatrist who reasonably fast concludes that Trine been suffering from skizotyphical mental disorder and a psychologist must then straight find out what is wrong and yes most definitely she does suffer from skizotyphical mental disorder . Trine just thinks that maybe it ‘s right because she is so desperate to get better. She is now offered antipsychotic medication which she accepts. She has to take 2 mg . Trine respond quickly to it by feeling the many thoughts she has that are spinning around in her head are calming down and it will be easier to sleep as it is shown very well. She says she think it helps and the psychiatrist is really happy for her and says to Trine : ” Come back in two years when you feel good “So Trine let go of psychiatry but also of her life because the effect of the medication begins to materialize . Trine sleeps all the time, bother nothing, meet into working test untidy. Her life becomes a nightmare . Trine is desperate again . What should she do? . She is just so distraught . She dusted a random boyfriend up with turns out to be a psychopath as he threatens to beat her and smashing things in anger . Trine first discovered it when she moved into house with him. Trine remains and sleeps a lot and she can barely handle those few hours of temporary she’s in a kindergarten . The boyfriend threatens her with beatings because she was “transforming ” . Trine crying because she ” truant ” from the job because of her zombie state. She can not get out of bed . One day Trine however gets enough. Getting help from some nurses to come to a psychiatrist who can see it is completely bad with Trine and puts her DOWN in dose. However, it was something new.

 

Trine gets better and move from her boyfriend . When she moves from her boyfriend she comes however to a new psychiatrist. The local authorities sends her to him because she is seeking rehabilitation for a whole high school education . And it is the law in Denmark that if you are going to get money from the local authorities in order to come under rehabilitation and get help with an education you have to get a statement from a psychiatrist that you actually are sick.The psychiatrist takes her completely off the antipsychotic medication and puts her on a new antidepressant .Now Trine gets the diagnosis BORDERLINE . It was great Trine thinks. It must be true as she feels better by getting rid of the antipsychotic medication. She does not think about the consistency of things . It gives her of course more energy to come off the antipsychotic medication and she even thinks the antidepressant medication helps her this time . Trine comes off from the antipsychotic medication and she is busy and begins education . But she keeps it only for a week because she is so zombiefied of the medication. She gives it up very fast then. Trine is now taken an high school education continuously over a number of years. She uses a total of five years at it. She is in the time on and off antidepressants most of the time . But she is doing it and are so happy and proud when she gets her exam with a good result. It’s not her intelligence that something is wrong with. Trine is still always tired and depleted of energy. Trine knows she does not feel well and do not understand it all by herself . Why is she not better ?

In the year 2010 Trine seeks everywhere after some therapy that can make her VERY well. She is tired of smalltalk with the psychiatrist . She now gets hope when she finds something called Dialectical behavioural therapy. It is for people with borderline and now I therefore will recover she thinks. She seeks and get busy. Trine senses something fishy about her therapist at the beginning but Trine gives people chances and continues to go to the therapist and psychiatrist who she also is. Trine has almost just begun in therapy as she breaks up with a boyfriend again. Trine breaks now completely back together with signs of depression and this time so severely that she is admitted to a psychiatric hospital and they again start medicating her. Trine is on medication but now she tries another product that should work better for depression .Trine is only growing worse and worse. She gets more anxiety and depression and she is being very paranoid. She gets cramp in the legs , stomach upset , tooth decay and dry mouth. She’s horrible . She have thoughts of killing herself and also her parents. For ten months Trine is that way and she is so caught up into her own condition that she did not manage to say stop . She tells the therapist that she gets sick from the medication that she has told her before she had tried to be.But now the therapist just tells her it is the underlying condition.It is her borderline.  Trine gives up to argue and stay on the drug because she is afraid of being kicked out from the therapy. She just survive each day and she is absolutely certain that the therapy well might get her on track.They learn some skills in the therapy they have to practice at home. Trine is confident. The therapy must save her. Trine feels however that she is not herself and suspects that something is wrong with her therapist that she did not get along with . But she is brought up to that what you begin with you have to finish and you do that too with a treatment. Trine match therapy to the letter and make all domestic tasks even though she mentally complete the verge of suicide .

She is now revolving door patient in the psychiatric ward . The tests they do on her in her treatment measures , however some progress in some areas but Trine herself is really a wreck. She understands nothing. But rejoice however, the test results positive outcome. She rejoice so much of the deception that she first discovers too late is of no use to continue. She reports she will get off the medication. The therapist looking hard at Trine and she quickly realize that the therapist does not agree to it at all. The therapist there is also a psychiatrist who is now getting Trine off the medication in a month but Trine asks for one more month and she gets it . However, it is too soon since Trine is very sensitive and she returns now straight down into depression again and she is hospitalized again . Trine also do not know anything about that just Venlafaxine for some people is especially dangerous to come off of . Especially very sensitive people.Trine now experiencing the wildest cessation symptoms such as legcramps , restlessness and depression. It hurts at all stages and her leg raises . Trines renewed depression does not end just like that. It comes back after four months of stopping the preparation and it is called a withdrawal depression which can last up to two years after the abrupt discontinuation of an antidepressant . Trine stop now by the psychiatrist for the psychiatrist does not believe in Trines explanation and will only hear herselves

Meanwhile Trine has found out how much psychotropic drugs damage a person and read about withdrawaldepressions . Trines knowledge she must go alone with in psychiatry because noone believes in her. The psychiatry in which she involuntarily has become revolving door patient in because she did not long time ago figured it all out. She is now a revolving door patient . She can not keep her condition out and she has no choice but to seek it . In psychiatry, they will not have her hospitalized if she does not take drugs again . Trine is really squeezed . Considering other places to go and stay but to stay around other people in her condition she will not bid other . She is suicidal and that people should not take care of she thinks. She is also afraid to stay strange places in her condition. Finally Trine swings so much in her psyche that it almost snaps and then. This means that it is quite quiet and it’s as if the brain goes dead .She has also brainzaps It is resoundingly uncomfortable and she has so many suicidal thoughts that she can not be in the hell more. She says yes to moodstabilizing medication to dampen it down and lifting her slightly. Trine knows it is harmful but she is really in pain. She feels no joy and life and her mind is running just the same all the time . The same pattern . There is not much creativity. It sleeps up there otherwise . She feels paralyzed. She also feels autistic because she feels she is living inside herselves even when she’s among others. That is how a withdrawaldepression feels. It’s dreadful . She has decreased appetite and her functional level is so low that she almost did not bother the most basic things . She can not sleep at night and now has to take sleeping pills to sleep or antipsychotic .

Trine is fighting not to be hospitalized all the time but it is very very difficult. She is a very sensitive girl and struggling every day but she is tired of it now because she has soon been in the same hell for two years. You can really say that hell started when she was 17 years old and came into psychiatry and thought they could help her. An help who deceived Trine something so cruel . A trusting and naive girl was robbed of life. Systematic degraded because she constantly thought and continued to believe that they would then be able to help her in the states they created for her and the real problem was “just ” an undiscovered autism.Trine is so lucky that she is now being sent to psychiatric evaluation again . Trine say yes to it because she knows that she needs to get some help so she stops being hospitalized all the time. Trine has fluctuating confidence in psychiatry now but it helps but on the whole they no longer will fill her with pills in psychiatry. They know well by now that they have committed a big mistake . A asperger must not just get psychotropic drugs in the unrestrained way Trine has received and it must be given in very low doses. An autistic must be helped with framework and structure of the day and motivated to the things that are difficult. Trained in skills.

That will be necessary , one can say with the psychiatric drugs Trine has been given over several years as they may well have destroyed her brain . Trine finds out through her journal/case record that they have suspicions about Trine is autistic . Trine think first that they just have to have another diagnosis to cheer with and borrow a book about asperger autism. Trine read and must admit it is her. Much of what is written is like Trine is. Trine actually feels she has found “home” and now feel happy that psychiatry final 34 years inside tTrines life has managed to do one thing “right”. But how many lost years of psychotropic drugs and never ever Trine had been really helped. Trine is now fighting for a dwelling and psychiatry have recommended it to Trine . Trine is looking forward to her new life ahead. But now she is considering if she has an asperger diagnose at all. She thinks danish psychiatry has made it all up to get rid of her and because they had made her so sick from the medication they had been giving her.

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