“I was charged with murder and also death penalty.”
My trouble started several years ago when I had to have a complete hysterectomy at the age of twenty-eight. My doctor put me on hormone replacement medication. Through the upcoming years after my hysterectomy my body fought off one sickness after another. I would go through nights of not getting any sleep, fighting insomnia. Through lack of sleep I was exhausted.
A friend of mine suggested for me to go to her physician. She felt he could help me. She made the appointment, drove me to the doctors office. After seeing the doctor he prescribed a sleeping aid, which was the root of my problem, and PROZAC.I found out my friend was on it too. She expressed to me that Prozac made her feel like a brand new person.
No one took the time to explain the danger of this drug or monitored me on the drug. I had one follow up visit to see how I was doing. At the time, I really was not sure how I felt, there was not a lot of change. The only difference was that I was sleeping a little better than before.
My emotions were numb, nothing bothered me, even my daily chores, I just let them go, I did not care. Eventually my insomnia came back even worse than before. In March of 2000, being three months on Prozac, I started my way to Hell. One just does not know mentally what is going on or happening within. Your whole mental capability is blurred. I started crying Hysterically.
It crossed my mind this is ridiculous crying all the time and spending the ungodly amount of money monthly on Prozac. I threw the bottle of pills in the trash. Each day that went by I steadily was hitting bottom. Everything that crossed my mind had to do with religion. The people that I seen at this time all knew that something was wrong with me. This went on for about nine to ten days. Each day getting worse and worse. Toward the eighth day my emotion/thoughts flipped speedily from one thought to another.
Aubrey, my eleven year old daughter, and myself went to McDonalds for lunch. I became extremely paranoid of everyone in the building. I thought someone was going to come in start shooting. I was so frightened all I could think of was protecting my Aubrey.
I thought my yard was the Garden of Eden. Everything was meant to be free. So I let our big dog, Sam, loose and freed our two ducks that were caged. Our dog, Sam, caught one of the ducks in his mouth, immediately it crossed my mind that he was a monster and he was going to kill the ducks. I became extremely scared of him. In the process of trying to catch Sam to get the duck out of his mouth, he finally let the duck go, he jumped on Aubrey and knocked her down.
She was screaming, he was on top of her and she could not get up. That’s when I hysterically went to pieces. I had to save her. I went to get this gun that was in my closet on the top shelf. I shot the dog to save Aubrey. The next thing I remember is I am in my bathroom to put the gun up and all of a sudden my thinking pattern shifts again.
Crying hysterically, I put the gun to my head to pull the trigger when Aubrey walks into the bathroom to witnesses what is fixing to happen. She screams “No Moma,” and jumps on me and grabs my hand with the gun and the gun goes off. The bullet that was meant for me hit her.
The next thing that I remember is waking up in ICU being told I had been shot. I lost a lung and part of my liver. I lost Aubrey. I went through hell for days, no one had enough of time to reach a caring hand out to save me. My daughter of eleven years was the bravest of all. She reached out her hand and saved my life.
What once was a normal family is now grieving torn apart family that has lost so much. I had to under go hypnosis to remember all of this for my memory was blank.
I was charged with murder and also death penalty. Today, I have been on a long journey. It has been one year and a half since my world came crashing down. Everyday I see my scars on my body to remind me of this horrible tragedy that I lived through and Aubrey did not.
When I was in the hospital, I had guards over me 24hrs a day. After I was discharged, I was sent to the psychiatric ward which I remained there for a couple of weeks. After that I was sent to parish jail in which I stayed three months. I was sent to a mental hospital for therapy/hypnosis to regain my memory. I stayed there six months. My two psychiatrists, who was with me daily basis testified on my behalf to rebuild my life. The judge ordered me to go to another hospital forensic center to be reevaluated again.
Due to a long waiting list for this particular hospital, I was sent to jail again. Today this is where I am writing my story. I have been here for eight months waiting to be reevaluated have been DRUG FREE. I am not even taking hormone replacement medication am wanting to go home, back to my husband who has been faithfully stood by me along the way and my oldest daughter. I will never be the same without my young daughter.
Paula
9/26/2001
This is Survivor Story number 29.
Total number of stories in current database is 34
