Survivor Story 212:30/77 – One Month on Celexa, Son Kills Himself.


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 30.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


One Month on Celexa, Son Kills Himself



“I believe that CELEXA caused my son to become suicidal. My research into the adverse effects of SSRIs has strengthened that belief.”

My 46 year old son Bob had successfully managed his depression for a number of years with older antidepressants. But in early June, 2001, his psychiatrist prescribed CELEXA, a newer SSRI.

On June 18, my son reported to the psychiatrist that his depression had worsened, but evidently was encouraged to keep taking the drug. On June 28th, 2001, he went to work as usual.

I saw him at 4 that afternoon, and he was not upset or distressed. He went home, and at 5 pm called his wife at her workplace and asked her to pick up a prescription for him on her way home. They discussed where they’d go for dinner that night. But when she arrived home shortly before 6 pm, he was dead.

He’d shot himself in the head. Between 5 and 6 pm that day, something catastrophic occurred in Bob’s brain that created a sudden impulse to kill himself. A man planning to commit suicide within the next hour wouldn’t bother to ask his wife to pick up his prescription. I believe that CELEXA caused my son to become suicidal. My research into the adverse effects of SSRIs has strengthened that belief.

4011-55th Way N #939
St. Petersburg, FL 33709
(727) 384-4610

Mrs. Robert J. Murphy

Survivor Story 213:31/77 – Being Depressed was Better that taking Paxil.


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 31.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Being Depressed was Better



“Please keep me in your prayers and don’t take Paxil.”

In August 2002 I was in a car wreck, minor. I saw a neurologist who recommended Paxil for my social anxiety, panic attacks, depression and add type symptoms, I got in a fight with him because I had come for pain medicine for the wreck due to headaches and he prescribed me pail’s took the script home and started a low dose.

Few weeks later I was flying high after initial nausea, headaches, nightmares, appetite increase etc. I would take the Paxil until it stopped working then get kicked up a notch to a higher dose all the way to 40-50 a day. I couldn’t get a script one day and within 2 4 hours was dizzy, throwing up, faint, sweating, shock etc. My first but not last experience with withdrawal.

Over three years time I gained about 75 pounds, I was starving all the time, had edema in my ankles, migraine headaches, dry hair, dry eyes, moody, fatigues, bitchy, argumentative, unrealistic, unable to lose weight even with weeks of strict dieting and exercise, sore swollen breasts, and also not able to get pregnant despite being 25 years old sexually active and no birth control. I got fat and was cocky not even admitting I was fat, not being able sometimes to not eat breakfast because of the nausea and dizziness due from Paxil. if I didn’t eat frequently I got huge clots in my period, insomnia and somnolence, nightmares, panic attacks, crying jags, and the list goes on. I tried dozens of times to stop taking it. I went on herbal cleansers, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Ambien, Elavil, Zoloft, and lots more.

Be it days of shock, emotional fits, shock, passing out, feeling like I was going to die with severe flu, screaming fits, digging scabs in my head, pulling out my eyebrows, unable to leave the bed, etc I would always go back on Paxil none of these things I did before taking Paxil mind you.

My longest attempt was switching to Prozac so I didn’t have the cold turkey or leveling out symptoms I thought I was ok. But about a week later bam unbearable migraines everyday no amount of Demerol or Vicodin aspirin rest darkness quiet would cure. so I went back on Paxil and weaned down from 40 regular to 12.5 cr. Currently I can go without Paxil 2 days ,the migraine starts and I have to take one. I am miserable.

I have been addicted to cocaine at one point and this is much worse to get off of. It screw with you physically and mentally. When your body starts getting off the Paxil your brain tells you your crazy you have to take it etc. I am drug free non smoker who doesn’t drink now.

Currently I am at my wits end but ready to do anything to get off this dose permanently. I was a thinner happier person with some mild depression and panic attacks. Now Imp fat ,miserable and sick, physically. Edema so bad I can barely walk. No motivation. Depression. Unable to stop eating. Please keep me in your prayers and don’t take Paxil.

Get therapy, vitamins, herbal treatment, God. Don’t end up like me .Being depressed was much better because now Imp depressed overweight sick and addicted to Paxil and have low self esteem, emotional instability and so much more because the drug has this on me. I’m stronger hopefully but this is a warning. Get valium or Xanax prescribed for anxiety. Get a sleeping pill. Take Aleve for muscle pain. Go to free mental health for therapy. don’t take Paxil or other SSRIs It’s like the hotel California -you may never leave. oh yea my other friend, who takes Paxil 2-3 years also gained 60 pds and is very miserable and similar symptoms. questions or comment s mail to

Try to answer all. Thanks and hugs not drugs -especially Paxil!

Tim Blankenship

Survivor Story 214:23/77 – Drug Dilemma: become obese, stupefied, and also developing breasts.


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 32.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Drug Dilemma



“(My sons) have been afflicted with Prozac, Zoloft, and some other SSRI’s that have caused them to become obese, stupefied, and are developing breasts as a result of side affects.”

In 1984 my wife died leaving me with three children in high school and twin boys that were handicapped. Before that time my wife had stated that under no circumstances would she allow my sons to be admitted into the assisted living program we had applied to if psychiatric drugs would be prescribed. They had never been on any kind of similar medication previously

Shortly after my wife’s death I was diagnosed with a “fatal” melanoma with three months to live. I agreed to whatever was necessary for my sons care.

Through God’s grace I survived, and with his help I managed to get my three other children through college.

A few years after being imprisoned at the assisted living agency I read a book that revealed that my sons were victims of a little known condition called “Hyperacusis”, An intolerable sensitivity to certain sound frequencies, that caused them to lie in bed with pillows over their ears. They read the encyclopedias in our house and became remarkable sources of information for their student siblings.

I found a treatment for Hyperacusis and had it corrected.

I feel that my sons, admitted to assisted living were lumped and labeled by the DSM, and became guinea pigs for the advance of lucrative drugs. including stelazine. (whatever happened to stelazine?)

Lately they have been afflicted with Prozac, Zoloft, and some other SSRI’s that have caused them to become obese, stupefied, and are developing breasts as a result of side affects. They have no control of their diets and get no exercise. The agency will provide marvelous ISP plans to contest this. but they do not exist. My sons appearance is visible testimony to this falsehood.

My sons have been “supervised” (imprisoned) for seventeen tears and face life without committing any crime. In spite of this atrocious isolation my sons have amassed a wealth of information through reading , and retention. I can only imagine their mental stature if they were allowed to go to the library.

They are driven to a day program where they spend the day protecting themselves form the mentally deranged clients, My son David had a piece bitten from his arm by a berserk person sitting next to him on the bus. Douglas had his head split open by one of his caretakers and was hospitalized. my request for incident reports was ignored, They endure this “snake pit” environment daily.

Before entering the agency my sons used public transportation and were free to walk the neighborhood. I feel that the threat of “drug suicide” causes the agency to supervise my sons twenty four hours a day.

I have no voice without a second professional opinion. I have not been able to get a second opinion and feel no doctor will jeopardize his career with backlash from the drug, and insurance companies, and the medical community.

George Mooney

Survivor Story 215:33/77 – Three Hellish Days on Cipramil (Celexa)


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 33.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Three Hellish Days on Cipramil (Celexa)



“I woke up having the most horrendous panic attack I’ve ever had in my life. I was going out of my mind, the walls and floors were morphing into my body, my torso felt like it was on fire with an icy heat, my chest was bursting…”

I read through your site with interest and would like to include my story of 3 hellish days on Cipramil (Celexa) and how it set me on the road to tranquilizer addiction.

My name is Lisa, and I’m from the UK. I’d rather you didn’t include my email address, but please feel free to use my name.

I had been suffering with panic attacks for several years. First I was tried on beta blockers, and when they ceased to be effective, the doctor put me on Cipramil. Straight in at the high dose of 20mg. (I’ve since discovered you should start low and work your way up).

I was staying at a friends house at the time as I was pretty much suicidal. I took my first dose of Cipramil – nothing untoward happened apart from blurry vision and a dry mouth. Then at 3am the next morning, all hell broke loose. I woke up having the most horrendous panic attack I’ve ever had in my life. I was going out of my mind, the walls and floors were morphing into my body, my torso felt like it was on fire with an icy heat, my chest was bursting – I honestly thought I was dying. My friend called an ambulance, and this was the start of the worst day of my life. I ended up going by ambulance to hospital twice in the same day. The panic attack lasted 36 hours. (they’re supposed to last 30 minutes, tops).

While I was at hospital, they gave me Valium to abate the symptoms of the Cipramil. After taking it for a week, I couldn’t function without it.

Later on down the road, my doctor decided that as the Cipramil hadn’t worked, he was going to try me on Effexor. Like a fool, I thought it might be different this time. It wasn’t. Exactly the same thing happened – 3 days and I was a raving lunatic going completely out of my head with insane symptoms. My dose of Valium was upped to cope with the side effects of the Effexor. I took 3 Effexor, and threw the rest away.

I wish I could say that was the end of it, but it isn’t. I’m now a Valium addict. I honestly believe that if I’d never been given the Cipramil, I never would have ended up on Valium. I’m tapering off now with the help of a wonderful online support group, following the Ashton manual, and suffering horrible withdrawal symptoms. My doctor has been no help. I haven’t been able to work for 9 months and have been reduced to claiming Incapacity benefit.

All from taking Cipramil for 3 days – if only I’d known. These drugs should be banned.


Survivor Story – Celexa-Tileptol Side effects “I blacked out behind the wheel..”


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 26.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Celexa-Tileptol Side effects



“I blacked out behind the wheel of my truck and went left of center, hitting another truck head on.”

I was on Celexa (20 mg I believe) and because I was diagnosed as being bi-polar I was also put on Trileptal. I had been on many many different anti-depressants and mood stabilizers over the course of several years. the typical drugs used for bi-polar gave me severe side effects, so she put me on an anti-depressant-mood stabilizer.

I was having adverse reactions every time the psychiatrist increased the dose of Trileptal. late last august I was seriously ill for 3 weeks-heat illness, dizziness(the dr in the er told me it was due to the Trileptal being a heat sensitive drug. she dropped the dose to the start-up dose then in October 2002 she increased it again. a week later I was on my way home from work when I passed out or blacked out behind the wheel of my truck and went left of center, hitting another truck head on.

Fortunately the other driver was not injured, I suffered a broken arm and severe contusions to my lower legs. the following week I continued to pass out at home as I was trying to wean myself off of these drugs. I went through 5 months rehab for my arm, which helped I’m sure getting off of the meds. it’s been less than a year, I deal with depression and suicidal thoughts all the time.

I will not get back on the SSRIs however. I quit seeing the shrink the week of my crash. I nearly got fired from a job I’ve held for 19 years due to the continual drug changes and side effects-mostly severe migraines, I was experiencing. heard you on coast to coast, keep up the good work.

Julie Hardbarger

Survivor Story 209:27/77 – My life ruined by Prozac “..stubborn but not psychotic.”


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 27.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


My life ruined by Prozac



“Before these meds she was stubborn but not psychotic.”

Two months after being proscribed Prozac, my exwife was diagnosed as manic depressive before this her diagnosis was mild depression. 2 months later because she had serious mind racing problems she was prescribed Adderall 2 months later she was diagnosed psychotic and was given anti psychotic drugs. Before these meds she was stubborn but not psychotic. After this every side effect Dr. Anne Blake Tracy ID’ed in her book “Prozac panacea or Pandora” was now exhibited.

She began drinking, gambling , taking drugs “cocaine”. She ruined my finances “I am bankrupt”. IN my quest to save her I lost my business. She was my chief financial officer. 2 year later I am still trying to get my life back on track. I believe she is still severely physically affected by the use of these drugs. The terror we experienced few can survive. She still may not and I still have some suicidal ideation.

What Ely Lilly and the FDA has perpetrated on the public pales to almost every other act ever committed.

Robert Nance

ICFDA Survivor Story

A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 21.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Prozac and Klonopin problems


“Please pray for me as songs run though my head like there is a tuning fork in it.”

I am 52 years old and had a headache from having withdrawn off Librium many years ago. I was given Xanax for it later, then weaned to Klonopin and then onto Prozac. My head exploded and protruded and I could not walk for months. I was hospitalized several times and each time given 4 Klonopins and sent home. I had hallucinations and was abandoned by my doctor. I was hooked to a social service agency who made me keep taking Prozac even though I was becoming allergic I think because my skin was burning.

I was never given anything for side effects. I was given tranquilizers. I am now 10 months coming off Prozac and have sharp head pain and muscle spasms and tremors for which they are again prescribing Klonopins for racing thoughts and zaps and they don’t work and are addictive. I was lied to and told nothing happens when you stop Prozac. It’s been awful for me. I am shaking and my head is bobbing and I feel stabbing pain and no one will help me. The doctor is now sending me to an involuntary movement clinic this week.

I am outraged and afraid of death from being given Prozac and Elavil together and then 4 Klonopin again. I just had a headache. If it was not for a friend who is studying to be a DO I would be dead by now. I keep calling the doctor and I am told that I can stop the Klonopin anytime I want. This is bunk. It is very addictive and I am shaking like a leaf with no help from family and friends. My neck is damaged and I can’t open my mouth to go to the dentist. The rigidity is so severe. Then I am criticized for the tranquilizers. I have no idea what to do. I know that the doctors are guilty of malpractice here, but they say it my fault. Please pray for me as songs run though my head like there is a tuning fork in it. I was a perfectly normal person with head pain. I may die. I am being marked as severely mentally ill. This is not the case. Thanks for reading.

Any correspondence is much appreciated. I can’t find a lawyer or doctor who will really listen. I can’t lay down normally without zaps and stinging in my head. I can see better now that my face is unmasked from the Klonopin, but my doctor will not tell me if I will be better or not. They say maybe a year. Maybe, if I am not stuck addicted to tranquilizers. They will not help me get off them. They send a nurse here to make me take them and then say they will take me off them later.

Any help is much appreciated.
Chris Burns

Christine Burns

Survivor Story 204:22/77 – Effexor XR nearly ruined my life causing me SEVERE menstrual bleeding and clotting.


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 22.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Effexor XR nearly ruined my life



“Effexor …caused me SEVERE menstrual bleeding and clotting.”

If not for the fact that I’m stubborn, inquisitive, and fiercely independent, I’d still be anemic, weak, depressed and considering a hysterectomy.

Effexor not only didn’t do much for my depression, it caused me SEVERE menstrual bleeding and clotting. Whenever I asked my shrink or my gynecologist, “could it be from my meds?” they said, “oh no, why would THAT cause problems with the uterus? So, how do you explain that as soon as I completely weaned myself off Effexor, my periods became normal again?

Never mind outlawing vitamins, herbs and dietary supplements, to pacify the evil pharmaceutical companies; outlaw the real dangers: selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors.

Ellen Botelho

Survivor Story 205:23/77 – 11-Year Old Becomes Violent on Paxil.


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 23.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


11-Year Old Becomes Violent on Paxil



“We will never know the extent of the damage done.”

My name is Eileen Shivak. I live with my husband, Tod, and our two children in Ypsilanti, Michigan. The following is an account of our experiences when my son, Michael, began taking Paxil, as prescribed by his psychiatrists.

Throughout most of his childhood Michael was happy, active, friendly, and loving. He was a Cub Scout for 5 years. He played softball, hockey, soccer, swimming, karate, gymnastics, and golf. He also enjoyed mountain biking, kayaking and indoor rock climbing. Michael has a sister who is 6 years younger than he. He has always been a loving, playful, involved, caring, protective big brother.

When Michael was about nine years old he began to change. Occasionally he would cry at night and could not say why. At these times he would say, ”Why was I born? I just want to die. What is the point of being here?” Over the next two years this behavior became more frequent. Michael started refusing to participate in sports and family activities. After he spent a whole soccer game curled in a ball on the sidelines we decided to get him professional help.

We took Michael to Dr. Albert J. Sayed. He diagnosed Michael with depression. June 21, 2001, 19 days after his 11th birthday, Michael began taking Paxil. I do not know the exact dates Michael was in treatment with Dr. Sayed because the doctor has refused to give me copies of my son’s records.

October 2001, Michael began treatment with Dr. Howard M. Weiner. At this time he also began therapy with Scott Weissman. Michael continued to take Paxil. Dr. Weiner gradually increased the dosage, and then added other drugs to Michael’s therapy.

Michael was taken off Paxil because I refused to have him on three drugs at one time. I decided to take him off the other drugs when he started refusing to take them. We began taking Michael to another therapist, Rob Moesta, after only a few months with Scott Weissman. However, he continued to see Dr. Weiner for medications until September 25, 2002.

By September 2001, Michael had become more emotional. He was unusually clingy with me and angry and difficult with his younger sister. September 29, 2001 he refused to go to school and threatened to take all of his Paxil as a way to kill himself. I took him to see the school social worker who recommended he be taken to the hospital emergency room. The hospital’s mental health professionals evaluated him. They were able to get him to contract for his own safety and he returned home with me.

Over the next few months Michael became increasingly agitated and confrontational with his family and other relatives. He swore frequently and threatened his father and me. In December 2001 he threatened his father with a large kitchen knife. When I encountered the situation he handed me the knife and began to cry. There were several other times he threatened his father and me with knives. Once he placed a long serrated knife on my arm and began to saw it back and forth. He asked me if it hurt and did not stop until I said, yes.

In late December Michael became upset during a family dinner at a local restaurant. He became angry when told that as a punishment for something he had done earlier, he would not receive his allowance that week. Michael began to bend forks and eat napkins and straws. We left the restaurant and went home where Michael began to kick our mailbox. Michael then went to the garage, grabbed a cinder block and raised it as if he were going to throw it at our car. When his father tried to stop him, Michael hit him in the chin with his head. Michael then ran into the front yard and began to tramp the word F-U-C-K into the snow. His father yelled at him to go into the house and cool off. Michael then shouted, “If I go into the house, I’ll jump out the upstairs window.” I followed Michael into the house where he grabbed a knife. When his father entered the house Michael threatened him with the knife, saying repeatedly, ”Go away! I hate you!” I approached him from behind and hugged him. He began to cry and eventually let me take the knife away from him.

January 6, 2002 was the first time Michael’s behavior was so extreme we had to call the police for assistance. During dinner Michael refused to use a fork so I removed his plate from the table. When I tried to prevent him from retrieving it, he started to push and hit me. When his father intervened the situation escalated into a serious physical altercation between the two of them. At this time I called the police. When they arrived and attempted to talk with Michael, he swore at them then hit and kicked them. The police handcuffed Michael. The police called an ambulance and he was transported to St. Joseph Mercy hospital in four-point restraints. Michael was screaming, swearing, and trying to punch and bite the paramedics throughout this whole ordeal. At the hospital several security officers transferred Michael to a bed with leather restraints with nurses in attendance. After a time Michael became calm enough for the restraints to be removed. He was evaluated by the Behavioral Services Specialist and released to go home with us.

Nine days later Michael became upset during a therapy session with Scott Weissman and ran out of the building onto a partially frozen pond. When the police arrived at the scene Michael refused to come off the ice, telling the officer to “fuck off.” The officer called for fire/rescue. They arrived, suited up, and entered the ice to retrieve Michael and an unknown woman who had joined him. Michael ran off the ice with several men in pursuit. He was caught and handcuffed in the parking lot. As they were walking back Michael kicked one of the rescue workers. Michael’s head was held by the police officer while he was placed in restraints on the gurney because he was attempting to bite the emergency personnel. He was transported to St. Joseph Mercy hospital. Michael was screaming, “Kill me! Kill me! There’s nothing good in this world!” I was told to leave the room while he was transferred to a hospital bed and placed in leather restraints. When I returned to the room Michael had a large bruise on his face. He was crying and said, “Mom, they hurt me, they hurt me.” Once again, when he calmed down he was evaluated and released; this time with the recommendation that he be placed on a mood stabilizing medication.

January 28,2002 I called the police again to our house. Michael had been fighting with his grandmother and me repeatedly throughout the day. Police asked his grandmother to press charges against him, however she refused. He was transported to the University of Michigan Psychiatric Emergency, evaluated and released. Several days before he had held a knife to his throat, threatening to stab himself. That day he also strangled himself with a rope until he choked and turned blue in the face.

On the evening of February 17, 2002 the police were again called to our house during an altercation between Michael and his father. Michael had become enraged when we would not let him watch a video of the movie ‘Gladiator’. He was punching and hitting us with furniture. When the police arrived Michael’s father was holding him down on the floor while Michael kicked and screamed for them to kill his parents. Once again he was transported to a hospital in restraints. This time he was taken to the psychiatric emergency clinic at the University of Michigan hospital where he was evaluated and released.

Over the next few months Michael’s oppositional behavior continued both at home and at school. I called the police several times for assistance in subduing him. However, when the police filed assault charges against him we stopped calling and let his anger burn itself out. During this time we tried to keep Michael from hurting anyone, rather than trying to control him. His behavior was both opposition and self-destructive. The following events illustrate this:

He chased me with a baseball bat and threatened his father with a pitchfork.

On one occasion he was hurting me; when locked out of the house, to protect his sister and me from him, he tried to break the windows with a large tree branch.

He started fires in the house and tried to cut down the front porch supports with a handsaw.

He punched me repeatedly even though I refused to fight back, stopping only when I began to cry.

Michael punched holes in walls. He punched and tore a door into shreds when we locked things away from him. He could not stop tearing at the door until it was in small pieces.

Michael tried to strangle his father while he was driving the car on a family trip.

Michael also tried to hurt himself. He locked himself in the bathroom and threatened to take an overdose of medication. Luckily, the one he chose was a laxative and he was not seriously affected. He lay down behind our car and begged me to run over him. He climbed onto the roof of our house several times and once he jumped off the roof of the garage. One afternoon he stopped traffic on our street by trying to jump in front of moving cars. He wanted to be run over. He would cry in my arms and ask: “Why can’t I just die? Why was I ever born?” Frequently he spoke of building a coffin to sleep in.

During this time Michael had significant problems at school. He got into fights, swore, kicked lockers and cut his knuckles punching them. He stabbed his wrist with a pencil and cut his wrist on a blackboard tray. Because of this behavior one of his teachers voiced serious concerns about him remaining in her classroom. Once he became upset and walked away from the school alone.

Michael experienced other side effects during the time he was on Paxil. He had difficulty sleeping, heard voices, and complained of strange physical sensations.

July 2002 Michael stopped taking Paxil but continued to take Effexor and Risperdal. Since this time Michael’s mood and behavior have very slowly improved. His social life has improved; even his friends noticed he seems happier and less reactive. There were no more fights at school this past year. As of summer 2003 the oppositional, aggressive, and self-destructive behavior have disappeared. Michael is now able to accept limits set by his parents and teacher and is more cooperative in general. He is also better able to accept responsibilities and do chores. He even baby-sits his younger sister now.

The lasting effects of Michael’s experiences on Paxil are more subtle. He has yet to regain his self-confidence. He will not discuss the events recounted here. His relationship with his father has become strained by the altercations and misunderstandings between them. His academic and social experiences of sixth grade, his first year of middle school, were unnecessarily difficult and will undoubtedly have negative repercussions on his future development.

As a result of the events I have recounted, Michael now has a criminal record. On May 28, 2002 Michael stood up in a courtroom and pled guilty to charges of domestic assault. He was sentenced to six months of probation, which were completed without incident. If we had been unable to hire a good lawyer I fear his sentence would have been harsher. The trial was a frightening and intimidating experience for me. I can only guess what it was like for my eleven-year-old son.

Michael’s behavior while on Paxil was a great strain on our whole family. His father came home early from work many times and was called away from work when Michael was out of control or at the hospital. His relationship with Michael has become strained and filled with tension because of the confrontations that occurred and the necessity of restraining Michael. He hopes to rebuild his relationship with his son. Michael’s sister was in counseling for a short time. I was diagnosed with Post-traumatic Stress Syndrome. I suffered flashbacks and panic attacks for several months as a result of being a victim of Michael’s aggression and watching his mental suffering. We will never know the extent of the damage done.

Eileen and Tod Shivak
3682 Fieldcrest Lane
Ypsilanti, MI 48197
(734) 572-0979

Survivor Story 206:24/77 – Suicide and anti-depressants “I feel like they worsened my depression.”


A Survivor Speaks Out


This is Survivor Story number 24.
Total number of stories in current database is 77


Suicide and anti-depressants



“The medications didn’t help at all I feel like they worsened my depression.”

I don’t know if my story will be beneficial but I offer it here in the hopes it will help someone not have to go through what I have.

My marriage of 30 years was ending in divorce and I was terribly depressed. I moved back home with my mother and began therapy and was prescribed every type of anti-depressant there is over the course of the next year. My psychiatrist would build me up to the highest dose possible of one (such as Prozac and then add a second one such as Effexor and build me up to the highest dose). Then she would switch……..and this kept going for a year.

I didn’t know which end was up. I began seeing ants crawling all over the walls. I was extremely suicidal so she had my case worker bring my pills to me a week at a time. The last one she put me on was Depakote (to see if by chance I was bi-polar). My case worker came to give me my weekly allotment, but I was so depressed ! I didn’t want to get up to talk with her, which made her mad, so she told my Mother that I would have to come to the office to pick up my pills.

When I got to the office in the next couple of days, my psychiatrist said I no longer had a case worker and she just handed me the whole bottle of Depakote (@100 pills).

In my mind she was dismissing me and telling me “go ahead and kill yourself, you are not worth our trouble). So I drove out into the country, stuffed a rock up into the tail pipe of my camper truck, left the engine running, took all the pills and drank a six pack of beer, crawled in the back and went to sleep. Five hours later I woke up sick as a dog, throwing up.

So I drove home, I’m still not sure how I got home. When my mother saw me she called the ambulance. The hospital pumped my stomach and kept me for 3 days. When I went back in to see my psychiatrist she was mad at me and said “I can see that you cannot be trusted with! pills so we are taking you off of everything.”

She didn’t ask if I was ok, or what my thought process was at the time, she was cold, distant and angry. I walked out of her office and have not been on any kind of medication for the past year. The medications didn’t help at all I feel like they worsened my depression. I feel what this psych artist did was totally unprofessional and reckless with my life.

I hope my story helps. Thank you for making people aware of the grave dangers.


Patricia Wilson