Prozac – I feel no desire, passion or love toward anything or anyone.


carol jansky

In 1989-1990, I took prozac and I got the serotonin surge syndrome and for the past 23 years have been healing from it. At first, I couldn’t talk and I didn’t feel anything for years but now in year 23 I can cry somewhat and get angry and get frustrated but I feel no desire, passion or love toward anything or anyone. I still see no attractiveness in anyone.
This has been a nightmare.

Anne Blake Tracy had been helping me through this until I lost contact with her. Anne if you see this please contact me at the email address above.




Published in the journal, Frontiers of Evolutionary Psychology, (see article below)

I want to thank Dee Herron for bringing this article to our attention. It is beyond “difficult” to watch medical science slowly release one tiny bit of information at a time over many years on the dangers of antidepressants which you can get in one sitting from my book Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? – Our Serotonin Nightmare! Knowing that all of this information was available when the book was first published in 1994 is testimony to the fact that this antidepressant nightmare will prove to be one of the biggest deceptions in medicine in history! Although the study referenced in this article came out last year, it bears repeating because too few are yet aware of this information & because it does not fully admit HOW antidepressants are doubling the chance of relapse or what it is about the chemical imbalance theory that is false.

Quote: “The result of the study, in a nutshell, was expressed by the lead author, Paul W. Andrews in Science Daily:

“We found that the more these drugs affect serotonin and other neurotransmitters in your brain—and that’s what they’re supposed to do—the greater your risk of relapse once you stop taking them…Our results suggest that when you try to go off the drugs, depression will bounce back. This can leave people stuck in a cycle where they need to keep taking anti-depressants to prevent a return of symptoms.”

First of all understanding that the Serotonin Theory is completely backwards is most critical in demonstrating how antidepressants actually CAUSE depression & suicide, etc., rather than cure these problems as we have been led to believe. When the SSRI antidepressants were introduced to the market we were told that serotonin is low in depression & we needed to raise serotonin levels in order to recover. Yet the fact is that serotonin is high in depression, rather than low, so as the drugs increase serotonin they produce a multitude of problems while worsening depression, anxiety, suicide, etc.! My book Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? – Our Serotonin Nightmare has 21 pages of references to back that statement up. In fact it was testimony to this major serotonin blunder – testimony given by the medical expert for the Paxil manufacturer that according to his serotonin research over many years demonstrated that impairing serotonin metabolism (serotonin reuptake) produces impulsive murder & impulsive suicide – that won the Donald Schell wrongful death case in that Paxil-induced mass murder/suicide in Wyoming in 2001! Ever wonder why the drug companies have never allowed another one of these cases to go to court? Well now you have a pretty good idea.

Now to address the statement by the lead researcher in this study “Our results suggest that when you try to go off the drugs, depression will bounce back. This can leave people stuck in a cycle where they need to keep taking anti-depressants to prevent a return of symptoms.”

First of all what he is talking about here is NOT “depression bouncing back” when someone attempts to go off their antidepressant. It is clearly drug withdrawal causing the depression in this withdrawal period! Those coming off the drugs very, very gradually, so as to avoid withdrawal, do not have a return of their symptoms. You can easily see it is withdrawal they are talking about when they say that the patient finds they need to keep taking antidepressants to prevent a return of symptoms. When you are in withdrawal from a drug be it caffeine, nicotine, whatever, what stops those withdrawal symptoms? Returning to taking the drug you are in withdrawal from! This is why people stay on antidepressants – they are hooked & cannot get off. And when they try they are told to do so too rapidly which forces them into this horrendous withdrawal, which most describe as a quick trip to hell, & they never want to try to come off again. This is how the drug makers have kept people on these drugs for years. They continue to tell them the withdrawal is a returning of their depression. NOT SO!!!

This article is more of a statement about how serious withdrawal with an antidepressant is rather than a statement about the doubling of the rate of relapse. These drugs produce withdrawal that patients say is worse than any street drug out there. This is why knowing HOW to withdraw safely & successfully is so important in order to be able to get off of these drugs & stay off them. My CD Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant! can be downloaded from our website for a mere $4.95 & is information EVERY home should have.

But, you say, you are not on these drugs so why would you need a copy? The answer is simple. There has never been a situation ever where the command to be your neighbor’s keeper has been more applicable! As an example go to our database of cases at & read the case of Officer Edward Lutes. In withdrawal from Luvox (the same antidepressant Columbine shooter Eric Harris was on) decorated officer Edward Lutes ran next door killing 2 neighbors, then to the next house killing 3 neighbors, then drove to the next city to make an attempt to kill his best friend the police chief before killing himself. I will take bets that ANYONE who knew Officer Lutes now wishes they had that information available to them to help him know how to withdraw safely.

As usual, this is only one of MANY examples I can refer you to in order to demonstrate the great importance of getting this information to those who need it. This is a public safely issue! Is it our responsibility? When no one else is taking responsibility who else is left but us? Someone has to warn. Someone has to work to stop this nightmare! I do not send you all of the cases. If I did you would be getting emails from me all day long. I am posting them now though on our website at as quickly as I can. If you care to keep up with them you can find them there. As would be expected they are coming in at rates far greater than ever before.

Ann Blake-Tracy, Executive Director,
International Coalition for Drug Awareness &
Author: “Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? – Our Serotonin Nightmare – The Complete Truth of the Full Impact of Antidepressants Upon Us & Our World” & Safe Withdrawal CD “Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant!”

Book Prozac: Panacea or Pandora? – Our Serotonin Nightmare! Anything you ever wanted to know about antidepressants is there along with everything drug companies hope you never find out about these drugs. Find the book & the CD “Help! I Can’t Get Off My Antidepressant!” on how to safely withdraw at






“I was stunned at the amount of research Ann Blake-Tracy has done on this subject. Few researchers go to as much trouble aggressively gathering information on the adverse reactions of Prozac, Zoloft and other SSRIs.”


“Ann, I just wanted to let you know from the bottom of my heart how grateful I am God placed you in my life. I am now down to less than 2 mg on my Cymbalta and I have never felt better. I am finally getting my life back. I can feel again and colors have never been brighter. Thanks for all that you do!!” … Amber Weber

“Used your method of weaning off of SSRI’s and applied it to Ambian. Took 6 months but had been on 15 mg for years so what was another 6 months. I have been sleeping without it for 2 weeks and it is the first time I have been able to sleep drug free for 15 years. What a relief to be able to lay down and sleep when I need or want to. Ambien may be necessary for people at times but doctors giving a months worth of it at a time with unlimited refills is a prescription for disaster. It is so damn easy to become dependent on. Thanks for your council Ann.”… Mark Hill

“I’m so thankful for Dr.Tracy and all her work. Also for taking the time out to talk to me and educate everyone! She has been a blessing to me during this awful time of antidepressant hell!” … Antoinette Beck

Taking Antidepressants Nearly Doubles Your Chance of Relapse

Not only does this study demonstrate that antidepressants worsen the condition, it also shows that the underlying theory of a chemical imbalance is a bunch of hooey.

by Heidi Stevenson

21 July 2011

A new study demonstrates that using antidepressants nearly doubles the chance of suffering a major depressive relapse—and soon after discontinuing the drugs. This, of course, creates a vicious cycle that results in dependence on the drugs.

Published in the journal, Frontiers of Evolutionary Psychology, another highly signficant finding was made. Not only do antidepressants worsen the condition they’re meant to treat, the underlying theory that there is a chemical imbalance in the brain is pure nonsense. Antidepressants do not treat an imbalance. These drugs actually create it!

The Study

The study, entitled “Blue again: perturbational effects of antidepressants suggest monoaminergic homeostasis in major depression”, shows that these drugs interfere with the brain’s homeostasis. The meta-analysis discovered that people who don’t take any antidepressants have a 25% chance of relapsing, while those who do have a relapse rate of 42%.

The studies reviewed included virtually every permutation of antidepressant use: those who started on placebos and were switched to the real medications, those who started on real medications and were switched to placebos, those who took placebos throughout the studies, and those who took only placebos.

The authors looked at studies of four types of antidepressants; MAOIs (monoamine oxidase inhibitor), SSRIs (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors), SNRIs (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors), and TCAs (tricyclics). Each of these affects at least one of the following: serotonin, norephinephrine, or dopamine. The specific drugs were:

MAOI: Phenelzine [Nardil] Selegiline [Carbex, Anipryl, L-deprenyl, Eldepryl, Emsam, Zelapar] [tranylcypromine-Parnate]

SNRI: Desvenlafaxine [Pristiq] Duloxetine [Cymbalta] Milnacipran [Savella] Venlafaxine [Effexor] [Mirtazapine-Remeron] [Tramadol-Ultram]

TCA: Amitriptyline [Elavil] Clomipramine [Anafranil] Desipramine [Norpramin] Imipramine [Tofranil] Nortriptyline [Pamelor, Aventyl] [Trazadone – Dezeryl]

SSRI: Citalopram [Celexa] Escitalopram [Lexapro] Fluoxetine [Prozac] Fluvoxamine [Luvox] Paroxetine [Paxil] Sertraline [Zoloft]

[Buspar] [Wellbutrin] [Zyban]

The result of the study, in a nutshell, was expressed by the lead author, Paul W. Andrews in Science Daily:

We found that the more these drugs affect serotonin and other neurotransmitters in your brain—and that’s what they’re supposed to do—the greater your risk of relapse once you stop taking them. All these drugs do reduce symptoms, probably to some degree, in the short-term. The trick is what happens in the long term. Our results suggest that when you try to go off the drugs, depression will bounce back. This can leave people stuck in a cycle where they need to keep taking anti-depressants to prevent a return of symptoms.

Antidepressant drugs may do a little bit to relieve symptoms, though note that Andrews is less than enthusiastic about that effect. However, they result in more depression, and that results in a vicious drug-taking cycle.

Is There a Positive Side to Depression?

We tend to think of negative emotions as being harmful. In today’s society, we’re expected to be happy and perky all the time. When we aren’t, we’re often treated as if we’re ill and should either just snap out of it or take drugs to somehow fix it. As anyone who’s been there, we can’t just flip a switch and be over it. But, as Andrews’ study documents, the drug-taking approach doesn’t work.

Andrews is inclined to believe that the symptoms of depression, such as tiredness, low appetite and sex drive, and loss of interest in associating with people, may be survival techniques for coping with stress. In other words, our bodies are simply forcing us to avoid more stress to give us a chance to resolve the problems we’re facing.

When we take drugs to avoid the feelings that go with depression, we’re working against our own nature. We’re literally avoiding the issue and thus destroying our ability to learn how to deal with our problems.

By taking antidepressant drugs, we avoid facing our problems. By not facing our problems, we never get a chance to heal. Instead, we end up stuck in a genuinely addictive cycle of drug-taking.

None of this even addresses the adverse effects of these drugs, which are significant. Truly, is there any upside to antidepressants? Any benefit they have is minimal. They double the depression relapse rate. They cause some horrible adverse effects, including violence and suicide. Dr. Peter Breggin documents that they cause brain damage and describes their effect as a chemical lobotomy.

But, it seems to me that the worst effect of all is that antidepressants destroy the opportunity to grow and become truly fulfilled human beings.



Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,


Lori Heitman
I was on Cymbalta 90 mg for approximately 4 years. During this time I was also prescribed Temazepam for sleep and Xanax .05 prn for anxiety. I took everything as prescribed but was noticing side effects, such as ”brain zaps” after a late or missed dose. I knew something was wrong but did not know how to go about getting off Cymbalta.
In June 2008 my son found me unconscious on the kitchen floor, with a suicide note at my side. He called 911, but hid the suicide note. This was the start of a 15 day nightmare in the local hospital’s ICU. I was not breathing on arrival & had to be put on a ventilator for two days minimum. From here the details are not clear to me. The hospital called in an addiction specialist, I believe they did a rapid detox with Ativan. This only made me sicker. I was still in the ICU, suffering from extreme hallucinations while i was getting visited from friends and family. I have never been so embarrassed in my life. I was told that on several accounts that my requests for basic needs were denied because I was ”crazy”. When they finally got me off Ativan, I was sent to the psychiatric floor for approximately 36 hours. Upon my release the psychiatrist told me to go home and continue on the medication. The same medication which they had detoxed me for only I knew better and now am completely drug free and have never felt better. I have since tried to get answers about my ordeal, but haave hit a brick wall. Several doctors have told me to forget about it, one local psychiatrist even told me that I should let him hypnotize me so i would forget about the whole ordeal. I would just like my story to be documented in hopes that it might prevent someone else from going through such a horrible ordeal.


paul pezzack
i started taking fluoxetine a generic form of prozac in january 2006 after being attacked and having my jaw first i felt ok,i was prescribed 40mg a day.i started to notice that when i went out drinking i could drink a lot more than usual.sometimes i would miss out a tablet or not take them for a bit.i thought it was smoking and or i stopped them.i gave up everything but gradually got worse.i stopped taking the prozac in august 2007,i began to feel very dizzy,lethargic,anxious.i went to my doctor and he said i shouldnt have just stopped but it was ok because they have a long half life in the body and therefore taper out on their own.on 24th september 07 i woke with a terrible headache and the room wouldnt stop spinning.i had been getting muscle spasms and hot flushes for a while but just didnt know why.i went to my doctor.he said i had an ear infection and gave me antibiotics.i took it for 2 days and just couldnt believe how i was feeling my body was as heavy as a rock,my head everywhere ,i couldnt think straight at all.i decided it wasnt an ear infection and it must be the prozac and i would try and get off them.i stayed at my mums house and didnt take any for 12 weeks,i would have nightmares,shaking,hot flushes,muscle spasms,rigid muscle and stiffness.,headaches like you wouldnt believe ,a pain in my back like a hot poker had been pushed in there,shaking,shivering,visual impaiment,foggy,feelings of being outside myself or looking through a fisheye lens and incredible urges that i might hurt my mum or myself or anyone else,i cried all the was the most horrific time ever in my life it was everyday allday ,24/7 of pain and anguish..eventually i gave in on december the 6th after reading on the internet that it could take 6 months to get off them.i have had side effects ever since,all the effects i had originally have continued,it has ruined my life and i feel doctor ive spoken to believes me,i went the hospital on many ocassions and almost got laughed at because they couldnt find anything wrong.they all say you cant have problems with prozac.they just put it down to a mental health problem and treat you like an idiot.i have considered killing myself many times to get away from the pain.but something in me keeps fighting and i want to be free.i have cut down to one fifth of a tablet now and my side effects are much easier to cope with,but i really feel like i have had no help or advice at all.i have never had anyone advise on how to get off it.i have just taken the tablets apart and cut it down over the past 2 years.even my own family dont think im ill,if it wasnt for my one brother and my mum,who sadly died in november 2009 .i would be dead for definate.i would have been better off being a heroin addict and recieved help and advice.if anyone can give me advice i would be very from wales in the uk and it seems totally ignorant to these terrible drugs.good luck to all of the people who try to stop taking them and please remember no matter how hard it gets dont ever give up and give in.together we can fight these evil drugs.

Saved by my Dog

“My mental capacity is at present, mostly gone.”

Ann Blake Tracy, May God in his kindness and love, Bless You a million times over dear Lady.

Unfortunately, at this time I cannot tell you my story. It is not yet complete. My mental capacity is at present, mostly gone, for I did not know the bad side of Prozac and Zoloft. I pray nightly for God’s help. I feel that my problems are far beyond any help my Doctor can give me.

I was finally made aware of my plight by the barking of my Dog outside [God if you will] as I was down in my cellar screaming at the top of my lungs as I tore my Cellar to shreds. I heard my Dog, begging and pleading for me to stop and get help. I have no recollection until an hour ago +/- of being on my computer, or how I got here, or how I got your address. My dog will take care of me until I can get to a Doctor.

When I am able to get my act together again, I will tell you my Story.

Thank you again

God has chosen to bless Me
May he/she/it [all God is Love] choose again to bless you

Bill Hogan


Under the “care” of a pediatric psychiatrist

“Aaron began on antidepressants at age 15 under the “care” of a
pediatric psychiatrist..”

Letter From Aaron’s Mother – Glenna L. Todovich.

January 24, 2005


Aaron David Todovich Passed on 11/14/03

Photo above by Brandon Johnson
Here is a summary of my son’s demise. Could you please forward to where
it is supposed to go. Thank you so much for your help.

Aaron began on antidepressants at age 15 under the “care” of a
pediatric psychiatrist. It’s been so long ago, I can’t remember the
first SSRI he received. Over the course of ten (10) years and approximately

four (4) different psychiatrists, none of whom had the time to “TALK” to my son,

they would only see him for about ten (10) minutes and hand him another
Here is a list of antidepressants that I KNOW Aaron was on at one time
or another from age fifteen (15) until his death at the age of twenty-five (25).

There are also some meds I didn’t know the name of, I just know that he carried

a backpack at one point, full of medications….HOW SAD IS THAT!

The List:
Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft, Wellbutrin, Celexa, Luvox,
Buspar,Serzone, Remeron (I think).

He was also diagnosed with OCD at some point and put on RITALIN.
The last one he was on EFFEXOR, the supposed “miracle” drug put him in
the hospital for two (2) weeks with:

Liver Dysfunction
Aplastic Anemia
Enlarged heart

My son was quite an intelligent young man, he graduated from Youth
Performing Arts School, a musician, he played piano, guitar, and
saxophone. He attended Bellarmine College (now University) and
graduated in 2000 with a BA degree; all the while working two part-time
jobs and playing music. Over the years I saw his demeanor go on a roller coaster

ride depending on the Doctor’s antidepressant of choice. Aaron told me finally that
these medicines were destroying his brain (how strangely accurate was
this). During about the last three (3) years of his life, he suffered
several episodes where he would get totally off the meds and he even
admitted himself to the psych ward of a local hospital at one point, he
was there for a week (being treated with what else, more SSRI’s). He
went through an episode of “anorexia” quit eating and lost 60 lbs in two
(2) months.

The final straw was the Effexor episode, when he came out of the
hospital and told me he was not going to take another anti-depressant.


Aaron had been off EFFEXOR for about six (6) months, but he complained that

he could no longer “think”, carry on a conversation or enjoy himself with his friends.

He suffered paranoia episodes and he used to hold his head and plead,

please make the voices STOP.


He was obsessed with thoughts of suicide and on more than one occasion,
he tried to off himself – HE TOLD ME. I tried to help him. I would talk to
him every night on the phone, I didn’t know what to do, where to go.


Then on Saturday November 7, 2003, we had lunch together and he had a
strange FLAT, sad appearance on his face. He hugged me and I told him I
loved him so much. On Sunday November 8, 2003, he tried to call me on
my cell phone, I never got the call. My son disappeared. I searched
for him for one (1) week. I prayed, I begged GOD to let me find him.
On Sunday, November 14, 2003 – I did find him. He had pulled his car into

a garage at some rental property we own and had gone to SLEEP.

He finally found his peace.


By Glenna L. Todovich

Proud, Loving Mother of Aaron David

On Nov. 14, 2003 Louisville lost one of its most compelling and

distinct voices. Aaron Todovich was one of those musicians who

just killed you to watch play. Always experimental and stuffed full of

a seemingly endless outpouring of songs, he was truly an innovator.


Aaron started his musical career in a band called Chains of My Own, which later morphed into Month of Sundays. The team of Aaron on guitar and singer Jim James (who later would form the band My Morning Jacket) was a truly spicy pairing. Songwriting duties were shared between the two, but Aaron’s exotic and distinctive guitar

lines always cut though the mix, often turning an average pop

song into a vibrant soundscape. In Month of Sundays, he honed his songwriting skills and melodic sense. Still, Aaron realized that he

had more to say and eventually he bowed out of the band to

front The Helgeson Story.


The Helgeson Story was Aaron’s chance to finally share the constant flow of feeling and emotion in his head. His atmospheric guitar lines and brassy tenor provided the ideal backdrop to his abstract and thoughtful lyrics. Whether singing about a life-altering dream or relations at home, it was always easy to connect with what he was saying. His charismatic persona commanded you to hang on his

every word and believe everything he had to say.


No matter how close you felt to him at any time, in one second he could turn inward, both in life and on-stage. At practice, working with him could be the most exhilarating musical experience — or the most maddening. There were frenzied moments where it felt like together

we could convey everything we’d ever hoped to express, and

moments where he would shut himself off with us waiting for him

to sort out whatever was going on in his head. In the end, however,

the music was always a positive, life-affirming entity that embraced

all of the strange, remarkable, distressed and hilarious aspects of

his character.


The important thing to never forget about Aaron is that, within all the gravity of his music and persona, was a strange joy and sense of astonishment about all of life’s gifts. Aaron was funny. His unusual sense of humor always lent a smile. If you knew Aaron, he had a nickname for you and you one for him. If you were friends he always shared an inside joke with you. It was this ability to treat all people

as crucial individuals that left you feeling like you meant something.

A conversation with Aaron could revitalize your feelings about

yourself in a time of self-doubt.


Aaron was never as generous with himself as he was with others,

and this was true to the end of his days. The insecurities and impossible standards to which he held himself always haunted

him, and after The Helgeson Story, they kept him from sharing

some of the most vital and innovative music he ever wrote with a

wider audience. His last few performances were achingly beautiful,

raw and inspiring, but only a lucky few were able to witness.


As his inner turmoil grew, he performed less and less, and he chose to leave this world on Nov. 14, 2003.


Most importantly, Aaron was human. He was blessed with an

amazing voice and the ability to write spectacular music, but even

he had his bad nights on stage. What made him miraculous was that even on an off night, whether it was vocal difficulties or guitar

problems, he always managed to convey everything he wanted to say, and you could see, hear and feel that he meant and believed in every word he sang and every note he played. It was impossible to

see him perform without being affected emotionally. His music brims with humanity.

Written by Jeremy Johnson

Adult on Autistic Specrum destroyed by psychiatric medications. Paxil

Adult on Autistic Specrum destroyed by psychiatric medications. Are you like me?

“I had direct suicide attacks from Paxil…and flushed it down the toilet.”

DISCLAIMER: I am not a doctor or other healthcare person, nor wish to be. My views expressed in this letter and associated papers are my opinion. I do not suggest others make healthcare decisions based on anything in my writings, but should study their own situations carefully and do their own research in making their decisions so as to be capable of being as responsible as possible.

BUT, I maintain that reality belongs to everyone, and everyone that chooses to should be allowed to be responsible for themselves and their own destiny as much as their ability allows them. I believe this can be much greater than our society generally acknowledges.

In the fall of 1983 I apparently received an injury to my mid back at work. The pain was delayed but then soon became massive. The Dr’s I saw were largely unable to help except through large amounts of painkillers. In the fall of 1984 a General Practitioner started me on the antidepressant Surmontil, in the hopes it would help the pain by elevating serotonin levels. It didn’t. But immediately I had and reported the symptoms of “Serotonin overload, or as I understand it Serotonin Syndrome.” The doctor did not respond this to. Also I had the onset of depression and other symptoms such as a distancing from reality, loss of emotional control etc. This of course is being blamed on the pain, or the pain being blamed on the depression etc., so increase the Surmontil etc. I also developed a bad case of “Restless Leg Syndrome,” where almost endless weird sensations in and near the skin of the legs leads to twitching etc and serious discomfort. I have learned since that this can be associated with “Akathisia,” which can result from a range of psychiatric medications and lasted the entire time I was on psychiatric medications but stopped after their refusal.

I eventually conquered the pain myself by independent means. I still needed a duodenal bypass because all the pain and arthritic medications had severely ulcerated the duodenum that it was blocked from scar tissue.

The depression etc continued and grew and I was told how much I needed the antidepressant etc.

The depression grew and with it I slowly but progressively lost cognitive and memory functions, finally by 1990 or so to a severe degree. Also obsessive-compulsive problems grew. The sensory components of the serotonin overload were bad, feelings of scalding and freezing, poor heat tolerance, nausea.

By 1993 with the added burdens of stress and politics at the job I was doing and a turn to very abusive behavior by my then wife I crashed and was ordered to a psychiatric ward in a different hospital in Saskatchewan. There medications were increased with the additions of Haldol and Ativan. Soon I had and reported the increasing symptoms of “Akathisia”, something like restless leg syndrome but much more severe such that non-activity of the legs can be intolerable. This too was reported and ignored.

But the increase in mental illness symptoms was severe including great distancing from reality, depression, massive obsessive compulsive etc. Then I also started getting the warnings that” If I ever stopped taking the medications the R.C.M.P. would bring me in and they would be forced on me.” This came from several psychiatrists as they came and went at that ward.

To shorten the story some, over the years there were many more meds, about 20 weeks of hospitalization and progressively worse mental illness of a variety of kinds. By New Years of 1996 I was totally disabled from work because of it and am still on disability.

From 1996 to 1998 things were severely bad, life becoming a second by second struggle to stay alive, fight suicide, go through the torments of a hell I utterly no ability to understand. I lost the ability to do anything productive beyond quite basic survival, and have no memory of a single thing I can date to the year 1997 etc.

In 1998 I wanted out. I knew these massive meds were causing big problems, as far as I could tell these nonsensical psychiatrists were crazier than I was. I had some of the weirdest lectures and opinions from them. But in my appeals for understanding, remember I was barely hanging on to anything at this time, my insurance company and another mental health agency I was associated with “Ganged up” on me ordering me back to psychiatric care. I gave in.

Then the trouble really got bad. I had direct suicide attacks from Paxil, which were a chore to fight but I recognised them as coming from the Paxil and flushed it down the toilet and stopped seeing the Dr. that prescribed it.

My G.P. at that time agreed to maintain me on simple benzodiazepines such as valium or Ativan until he could get me to a psychiatrist I had heard of in Saskatoon that via the grapevine sounded saner. It didn’t work; I ended up in emergency in Saskatoon that September with a different Psychiatrist that started me on Chlorpromazine, Epival and Risperdal. All of these were disasters and I ended refusing all of them in the next 3 months.

But then in November 1998 I found a very encouraging sounding psychiatrist that had just come to Lloydminster. He stated me on a cocktail as is normal and added Zyprexa. At first, until late in May 1999 the Zyprexa seemed to be helping, though things were still awfully bad. In late May 1999 they really got worse. This led to a doubling of the Zyprexa plus a constantly varying array of meds, some of which I rapidly saw were disastrous and refused and started arguing for washouts, scheduled removal of all medications to do a test. This was consistently promised but avoided. Among the problems was an involuntary movement problem spotted by a social worker and reported to the psychiatrist by her. We discussed this and then it was ignored.

Things got still much worse. This was Hell!

In September I cold turkey refused the Zyprexa and got a huge improvement. The doctor then hospitalized me and removed a sedative cold turkey (immovane), which I wanted to remove slowly. This again precipitated suicidal problems and a new round of meds to be tried and flushed as they all revealed disastrous effects.

The last round was the worst, a combination of Celexa and Tegretol. Here I lost pretty much all emotional and cognitive existence and the serotonin overload symptoms became totally immobolizing, again with no recognition by the psychiatrist. This last round of meds apparently did a lot of long-term damage, I think adding a lot of time to the recovery.

In October 1999 I flushed everything and started the recovery.

To date, and this is still ongoing, I have regained a great deal of my cognitive back, a lot of memory function, a fair amount of stamina, but have a highly advanced and progressive movement disorder and a bad case of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder from the experience.

And as for the symptoms of depression etc I was being treated for, they were the first parts to improve and basically leave.

I now am a licensed user of Medical Marijuana to keep the movement disorder from literally tearing me apart in short order, am also on the immovane (which the last medicating psychiatrist made me suicidal by removing in 1999), with little or no ill effect, this helps with the movements and some PTSD symptoms, I am not under psychiatric care, but get a lot of assistance from my social worker with the PTSD.

From a later psychiatrist that made little attempt to medicate me, books, and the Internet I have learned to a large degree what happened. I will try to cover this more in point form on another paper about the specific medications.

But it gets better. In the fall of 2000 I accidentally ran across a book on autism. In a hurry I discovered I have the highest functioning form, Asperser’s Syndrome, inherited from my mother. After almost 4 years of fighting the system and a great deal of research I have a solid diagnosis from a Psychologist in Edmonton experienced in Autism and with a good record with it. He has also diagnosed the Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

Asperser’s Syndrome is the highest functioning recognised form of autism. This is believed to be largely or wholly inherited, in my case my mother and members of her family strongly show characteristics of it. The people typically are highly intelligent, creative, responsible, artistic etc, and are often highly capable within their special interests, be they computers, technical, artistic or whatever. They can be walking encyclopedias. But they tend to be clumsy and limited socially. There is data to indicate a high probability of being chemically sensitive such that in some opinions they will tend to have drug reactions similar to mine. The numbers are supposed to include Bill Gates, Albert Einstein, Sir Isaac Newton and many notable others. The most recent numbers of them I have heard for Canada and Saskatchewan are about 1/235 in the population. Almost all diagnosis and assistance for them is restricted to children, adults are generally ignored.

My movement disorder is still undiagnosed after 4 neurologists and a Neuro Psychologist that recognised it as Tardive Dyskinesia, but wouldn’t write it down. Otherwise it has been ignored totally by one neurologist or gets rapidly diagnosed by the others as something inherited, and easily disproved, and the appointment is quickly ended with no follow-up.

It seems to be a combination of tardive dyskinesia plus likely another form of Dystonia caused by at least one other medication. Health Canada accepted the diagnosis of Tardive Dyskinesia suggested by an internist on my medical marijuana application.

The movement disorder has proven to be very progressive and so at an accelerating rate. Without control, especially from the cannabis I will soon go into a “cluster” of events with it that are non stop involving powerful sudden movements of the neck, torso, upper extremities and diaphragm that get very powerful, plus spasming and violent shaking. In a cluster I could soon be unable to look after myself and likely my muscles would tear themselves apart, not to mention bone damage, plus being violently crashed into things in my environment. It also involves a progressive loss of finer motor control at all times, such that now typing is very slow and error prone, my old work of welding and much else is difficult or impossible. Walking is affected.

This also necessitates routine massages, heavy ones, to reduce the sensations involved with the disorder and at times to break movement/sensation loops that can establish that I cannot break myself and which could be fatal by themselves. I have some insurance coverage for this but not enough.

My recovery was also very tough, especially at first, has involved a huge amount of work and discipline on my part, (I get high praise from some for this), has been assisted by the social worker a great deal and sabotaged by others also greatly, including the last medicating psychiatrist and the other mental health agency I mentioned I had been involved with. It seems we do not recognize that psychiatric care causes mental illness, and the patient can be sacrificed to protect the reputation of the system.

In the course of recovery I trained myself on personal computers, had never touched one before, and have taught myself a good deal of photography and computer graphics to the point I could be doing some professional work. I have done a lot of other work too, trying to get back to who I used to be.

In my efforts to get back a life in 2002 I argued and coerced my insurance company to get me a Rehabilitation Consultant which they have, who herself proved to be great, but was constrained to the rules and protocols of the company. After being instructed to pursue several pointless approaches, such as truck driving because there is a high demand, not suitable with medical marijuana etc., I started with a rehab program with a good sounding reputation from a local agency. This resulted in a job in janitorial work that on starting I soon found impossible. I reported this to the employer, a large lumber co and builder of prefab houses, that the job was undoable as described, would require several capable people to attempt it, and needed complete reengineering to be practical.

The employer agreed with me totally, saying my assessment was: “Bang on.” I think this indicates that there was no research into the job for suitability, this employer being that agency’s best supporter for their rehab program.

He told me to reengineer it. I tackled to job and tried to assess it for this. On the first night after work I had a massive PTSD attack from it and withdrew. This ended the entire rehab approach.

The insurance co. has indicated no interest in assisting with the computer graphics approach or any form of self-employment. It has also recently refused assistance in seeking diagnosis or therapy from the psychologist in Edmonton regarding Asperser’s Syndrome and PTSD.

Presently I am broke, in debt, have sold almost everything I can sell, and spend about $200.00 a month on supplements etc to assist recovery and control the movement disorder.

Because of information from me, a few others with autism or asperser’s characteristics have been able to get away from psychiatric care and recovery, including one local woman who has gone from very disturbed and totally disabled back to finish her professional career.

There is a great deal more to say as well. The main points are however, that these medications are far more dangerous and to identifiable people than they are given credit for. The practitioners that prescribe and administer them are not adequately aware of their dangers, including known and documented ones, which they cannot separate from the illnesses they are supposed to treat, and do not pay adequate attention to the feedback from patients. The “system” does not have a reasonable means of dealing with harm caused by doctors and won’t until it is prepared to admit that harm happens in the first place. The apparent sacrificing of patients that are harmed is atrocious and I tend to describe the whole problem as a human rights issue. The task of assisting the victims falls on lesser qualified (non doctor) therapists that can seem to do a far better job but who may be put in political danger for doing so and can and likely will be overruled by doctors who seem more intent on protectionism than health care. Beyond that I have to suggest that there is little out there in mental health care and supports that seems realistic, or even works.

My future is still in severe doubt even with assists because of the progressive nature of this movement disorder, but I would like a shot at something. A greater issue is the others who obviously are and will be victimized as I was. Simple calculations from known estimates could lead to suggestions of tens of thousands or more going through what I went through right now, in Canada.

I have complained to the Saskatchewan College of Physicians and Surgeons on 2000 without realistic results. I have written reports on this to politicians and Saskatchewan’s Minister of Health, the local Health Region (and have been encouraged by healthcare people to do so) and everybody else I can think of all with similarly useless results, usually not even acknowledgement. Yet it can be seen that the carnage goes on.

Legal opinions I have sought are dismal.

I have come to the conclusion that publicity, hopefully noisy publicity, is the only recourse to finding the others so affected, or letting them find themselves as I did.

In my case I would like to see a fully independent, such as criminal, investigation done.

I hope this can be revealed so it can be dealt with.

Peter Christensen

July 9, 2004

Summary of prescription medications;
From Pharmacy records March 1995 to termination of psychiatric medication October 1999:

Note: Antidepressants were started in the fall of 1984, with Surmontil, prescribed by a General Practitioner to assist in pain relief from a mid back injury. This medication was continuous until stopped in 1993 or 1994.
Symptoms now understood to be from Serotonin overload were present almost immediately and continuously until all meds refused.

Also prior to 1995 were the medication: Haldol (neuroleptic), Atavin (benzodiazapine), Luvox (antidepressant), Restoril (benzodiazapine for sleep), and at least 2 or 3 SSRI antidepressants, one of which caused what I can only describe as mini convulsions or seizures, of short duration ending with violent vomiting after which the seizures broke.

I don’t have pharmacy records on hand to detail this.

FROM PHARM. RECORDS: names in brackets( ) are either from a Pharmacy resource or from my best recollection. Some medications in my records that were unrelated to Psychiatric care or secondary reactions have been omitted here. Medications prescribed and administered in hospital are not reflected here.

Dates of use typically are from first report in records until last time a prescription was filled, not necessarily the last time taken.

Novo-Doxepin (Sinequan) Tricyclic Antidepressant 50 mg – From: Mar. 29/95 – Aug 10/95 Tried earlier on, until about 1994, one of the least harmful antidepressants, but still not good.
Carbolith (Lithium Carbonate) 150 mg – From: Mar 29/95 – May 13/98 Now known to be associated with depression and a continuous urinary incontinence problem that was denied, that still lingers to a lesser degree.

Apo Diazepam (Valium) 5 mg – From: Mar 23/95 used periodically almost throughout, was used very briefly after termination of Psych. care at time of death of mother in 2000. By itself, similar to other benzodiazepines led to progressive loss of reality and what I call psychotic existence.

Nu – Ranit (ranitidine) 150 mg From a GP – stomach acid reducer (this was a serious problem while on Psych medications) – From: Apr 7/95 – July 15/99
Losec 20 mg (stomach acid controller) Not from a psychiatrist – May 5/95 –

Apo Metoclopramide (maxeran) 10 mg – Antinauseant – had almost constant from mild up to disabling nausea entire time of Psychiatric medication reducing steadily after termination of Psych. care, understand this involved with Serotonin overload. From: June 7/95 – last used sporadically until spring 2001 for nausea, when I discovered it was a leading cause of drug induced Dystonia, though I was always reassured as to it being very safe, after which no antinauseants have been used. This may be part of my present movement disorder.

Apo – Perphenazine 2 mg – 4 mg – Used to control side effects of other drugs – From: Sept 22/95-July 7/97 No specific recall.
Apo – Imipramine 50 mg – Antidepressant From: Sept 22/95 – until Effexor started. Associated with massive symptoms of Serotonin Overload and depression.
Restoril 15 mg – (benzodiazapine sleep med) From: Sept 22/95 – Oct 16/96 No specific recall of effects.

Apo – Oxazepam 15 mg (benzodiazapine Serax) From: Sept 22/95 – Dec 13/95

Alprazolam 0.5 mg (Xanax) From: Jan 23/96 – Oct 8/99

Effexor 37.5 mg – 75 mg (antidepressant) From: June 5/96 – June 23/98 (started in hospital Apr. or May/96) Associated with much deeper depression and anxiety, (SSRI Mania?) plus massive symptoms of serotonin overload, still being the subject of treatments for PTSD.

PMS – Clonazepam 0.5 mg – (benzodiazapine Rivitril) From: June 5/96 – June 18/99 shown independently to rapidly cause the “benzo crazies.”

Nozinan 5 mg – 50 mg From; June 5/96 – July 7/97 Heavy short lived sedation, huge appetite stimulant, loss of reality.

Nu – Loraz 1 mg 2 mg – (Lorazepam – benzodiazapine) From: Nov 25/96 – June 23/98

Nono-Ridazine 25 mg – (Thiaridazine? neuroleptic) From: July 18/97 – Dec 19/97 May have softened the anxiety from the other meds.

Effexor – XR 150 mg – (Antidepressant) May 27/98 tried very briefly, immediately caused strong depression and “going crazy.”

Paxil 20 mg – (antidepressant) From: Aug 7/98 – Aug 20/98 This included a dosage increase and was refused due to suicide attacks (now being more widely discussed internationally. Also caused specific attacks of depression and anxiety.

Novo-Poxide 25 mg – (Librium) Sept.7/98 Single dose taken resulting in severe instant anxiety attack.

Epival 500 mg – Sept 29/98. Associated with severe gastro intestinal distress, disorientation, and loss of reality until refused.

Novo – Chlorpromazine 50 mg – From: Sept 29/98 – Dec 17/98 Massive disorientation, blackouts leading to short periods of total disorientation, activity observed by others as totally bizarre but of which I have little or no recall, until medication refused.

Risperdal 1 mg From: Sept 29/98 – Oct 28/98 – Note: Associated with extreme obsessive compulsive, utter madness, and arthritic attack in several joints including hands, some symptoms of this still exist leading to surgery in one hand and cortisone injection in the other. May be due to Neuroleptic Malignant Syndrome.

Rhovane 7.5 mg (immovane – zopiclone) from Sept 10/98 Note: Am still using this med as a control for the flinch (tardive dyskinesia), it being possibly the only primarily psychoactive pharmaceutical I can tolerate. This drug was forcibly withdrawn cold turkey in hospital in 1999 leading to massive suicidal urge.

Nu-Trimipramine (Surmontil) older tricyclic antidepressant started in 1984 for back pain, caused depression etc., used until replaced in 1994 up to very high dosage. 50 mg – From: Nov 23/98 – Dec 23/98

Dom-Metoprolol-B 50 mg – From: Dec 11/98

Zyprexa 5 mg – 10 mg (Olanzapine – neuroleptic) From: Dec 23/98 – Refused Sept/99 Note: This drug is associated with the start of my flinch (tardive dyskinesia), extreme symptoms often associated with Trauma Response, psychosis, severe dietary problems possibly from pancreatic damage, many present symptoms associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder stemming back to here. Only the use (prescribed) of very heavy doses of immovane allowed this medication to be survivable.

Stemetil 5 mg – (anti nauseant) From: Dec 30/98 – Oct 14/99 not used continuously, some effect in treating nausea.

Serzone 100 mg – (antidepressant) From: Jan 29/99 – April 19/99 No recall.

Dixarit 0.025 mg – Feb 2/99 No recall.

Dom-Trazodone 50 mg – (Desyrel – antidepressant) July 23/99 Single prescription associated with high anxiety and massive panic attacks from inconsequential stimuli.

Apo-Amitriptyline 25 mg – (Elavil – antidepressant) From: July 30/99 – Aug 20/99 Similar to other tricyclic antidepressants, big improvement when removed.

Apo-Halopridol 1 mg – (Haldol – neuroleptic) From: Sept 15/99 – Sept 24/99 Utter nightmare, compelled to use in 1993 in hospital, associated with akathisia (severe leg etc discomfort and inability to remain still, sitting etc, walking helped) plus massive obsessive compulsive, depression, disorientation until refused, repeat performance in 1999 until refused.

PMS-Benztropine 2 mg – (Cogentin) From: Sept 15/99 – Sept 24/99 Poor recall other than improvement on refusal.

Apo- Carbamazepine 200 mg – (Tegretol) From: Sept 8/99 – Oct 8/99 plus as follows:

Celexa 20 mg (antidepressant) From: Sept 15/99 – Oct 10/99 Note: This combination of Tegretol and Celexa was the most terrible time of the entire ordeal, with massive symptoms of disabling nausea and sweating, associated with serotonin overload, utter collapse of emotional and cognitive function, overall shutdown of mental capacity in almost every regard, symptoms of which were a very long time reducing after refusal of these drugs, though the turnaround was obvious and immediate upon their refusal.

This marked my total refusal of psychiatric medications.

All benzo diazapines were stopped after last prescription of Valium April 4, 2000, which was used briefly after my mother’s death, except for a 2 day trial of a Benzodiazapine sleeping pill Starnoc, represented as the mildest of mildest which led to a 10 day run of anger and utter psychotic feeling.

Peter Christensen

A Relationship between Prozac and Sexual Behavior?

“I was raped by my ex-boyfriend on Prozac.”

After hearing the reports that a drug like Prozac can produce unwanted sexual side effects, I was surprised to be raped by my ex-boyfriend who had been taking prescription Prozac for at least a couple of years. We had broken up and were attempting to do the “friend thing” by talking about our differences and maintaining some form of connection.

When I met with his mother (who I had befriended before our relationship) after our break up and my rape experience, she asked me if he was ever pushy or inappropriate with me sexually, which indicated to me she knew he had this tendency of behavior.

I also realize that many factors impact a person who rapes, but I can’t help but wonder if there is some relationship between Prozac and his sexual behavior.

He Gave me Samples of Zoloft

“I found myself actually considering suicide which I had never done before. It was scary.”


I would like to share the story of my experience with the drug Zoloft. At this time, would like to keep my identity private due to the personal nature of what I am revealing. I am a professional musician who is losing my hearing. In 1998, I had several health problems including a lesion on my vestibular nerve, causing chronic, disabling vertigo. I had to wait months in between visits to the “expert” doctors trying to diagnose the problem. I saw a psychiatrist because I was depressed, cried easily, etc..actually, instead of having mental illness, I was sick and having a normal reaction to being sick.

I thought the psychiatrist would want to talk with me. That is what I thought I was there for. I believed in the healing powers of talk therapy. Strangely to me, she did not seem to be interested in my story and after 15 minutes or so of me telling my “story” gave me samples of Zoloft, even after I told her I am very sensitive to medications. I went home that afternoon and took one of the pills. I was 35 years old. I had taken LSD when I was a teenager. There was a very good reason I stopped taking LSD then. About 20 minutes after I took the Zoloft, I began to get shaky and nervous, EXACTLY like the first stage of LSD. I was going very fast, starting to get giddy and laughing. The phone rang, it was my closest friend, I could barely contain myself, until I heard it was her. I burst out laughing and shaking and for all the world felt like I was on LSD. I had never had hallucinations on the drug LSD, but rather, the same shaky, “high”, laughing, intense, experience I was having on Zoloft.

I called the psychiatrist immediately. She told me “that shouldn’t happen”, that Zoloft takes 3 weeks to kick in, and told me to take it again the next day. That night the “high” subsided and I went into a deep dark depression, completely unlike the existential “depression” I had come to the doctor for. I had NEVER felt anything close to this! I found myself actually considering suicide which I had never done before. It was scary.

Mostly because I am a deferential person, the next day as per doctor’s orders, I took the Zoloft again. I had essentially the same reaction after I took the pill the second time, but slightly less intense. I called the psychiatrist again, and told her about the experience of the night time depression including the suicidal feelings that I had not had before, and she again told me that that “shouldn’t happen” and again to continue taking it. I had the depression at night again, but slightly less intense. I knew I could not keep taking it. There was a reason I quit taking LSD as a teenager!

I stopped taking Zoloft, and I never had those symptoms again. I made an appointment to see the psychiatrist again, and in my deferential manner told her I had “self-medicated” by taking myself off the drug. She noted in my records that I was “self-medicating”. And she gave me samples of Wellbutrin in pretty little boxes. Of course I did not take them.

I did not return to the psychiatrist. The “high” experience I had with Zoloft was much like my experience with LSD initially, but the depression at the end of the day was like nothing I had ever experienced before. It was dark. A dark dark place, where I was considering ways to kill myself.

I don’t understand why the psychiatrist would tell me “that shouldn’t happen” when in 1998 the suicidal side-effects were known. Was she just strangely uninformed about the drug she was handing out so casually? Or did she not believe it?

These are very very strong and potentially damaging drugs. I am concerned when I hear about anyone on them. I know it is not just children who may become suicidal. I know it is very possible for an adult to become suicidal out of the blue as a direct result of taking the drug Zoloft, because it happened to me. I stopped taking it, the side effects stopped immediately, and I then simply lived through the experience of the loss of losing my hearing. The lesion on my vestibular nerve healed eventually, and I am essentially fine. Life has pain and trials, yes. I’m not happy all the time and don’t expect to be. I want to have the full experience of being human, which includes pain and trial. To pretend that human “unhappiness” can be cured with a drug, seems ludicrous to me. The dangerousness of the drugs they have settled on is obvious to me. I hope that support for these drugs will stop.

Thank you for your work.

Effects of Paxil on Behaviour

“One day Paxil will have to be banned or withdrawn from sale.”

Dear ICFDA reader,

Here it is:

I was prescribed Paxil, (known in Australia as ‘Aropax’), by a doctor who suggested I start using it at 20 mg and increase to 40 after a month then to 60. This was so that I could be weaned off Xanax. I was also taking painkillers for back pain. The doctor stated that it was a drug that very few people liked because of the side effects. 3 weeks after beginning the Paxil regime I went to another state where I was not under any medical supervision. Before I left though I was already exhibiting what one could term ‘uninhibited’ behaviour. For example, I had been sold a guitar about a year earlier that was a dud and about a week after starting Paxil I decided to go and complain to the shop keeper. When I walked in I looked around and saw that there was virtually no one in the shop so I walked up to the guitar rack and picked up a $2500 dollar guitar and walked out again. This was an unusual action for me.

Whilst away from my home state I began chronically shop-lifting as though it was some kind of exciting new challenge and when I returned, now armed with a bottle of morphine, I moved in with a houseful of punks and started trafficking in and smoking marijuana. I informed my doctor during a moment of clarity that I thought I might be a kleptomaniac but he disagreed and informed me that I’d get caught. I don’t think he’d read the patient information leaflet which states that any uncontrolled/uninhibited behaviour is a side effect which should signal the doctor advising immediate steps toward discontinuing use of the drug.

The shop-lifting reached epic proportions where I could not leave the house without returning with at least a minimum of $1000 worth of items per day. I kept a list and had an aim of reaching the target of $1000000 worth of stolen goods. I invited street kids to come into my home, initiated a relationship with a prostitute, offended all of my friends and family in a manner that in my not-really-lily-white-past had ever been managed and had the police through the house about once a month for a year or so. Eventually, I was charged with stealing and drug possession and convicted. This downward spiral presented itself to my mind as a challenging game to be survived.

I just stopped taking Paxil one day about 2 years later and withdrew also from painkillers so I don’t recall any specific side effects of the Paxil withdrawal. It took a lot of prayers to and help from God to get off all drugs.

In retrospect, I can only assume that these SRI drugs have side effects which effect each individual user differently. Side effect patterns seem to vary so much from user to user that it suggests the drug emphasizes psychotic behaviour. The problem is that when on Paxil the patient is oblivious to some or all of these side effects. This would explain why children, who are less aware of the functioning of their own minds, are likely to commit suicide whilst on them. They don’t understand that the drug is interfering with the mechanism of their identity that is self preserving and in an uninhibited moment happily succumb to the depressed desire to die. If they’re thinking self destructively and they’re on a drug which makes them feel comfortably uninhibited there is this danger. It’s logical that one day Paxil will have to be banned or withdrawn from sale.