“When I read the accounts of others who were having almost identical mental states, I began to cry and felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t crazy or insane!”
Dear Ann Blake-Tracy,
My name is Xavier Ruiz and I am sending you this email through my friends AOL Internet account.
The following is a summarized account of the problems I have experienced and true victory over them.
It would take a complete autobiography in order to better relate the personal account of my involvement with prescription drugs; however, I can only mention the last devastating blow which lead to my seeking “Professional Help.”
It was the sudden violent death of an older but close brother, with whom I grew up with, that totally destroyed my all-ready shaken and drug-ridden existence.
Since I am a disabled Veteran, I went see the “Mental Hygienist” at our local VA Outpatient Clinic. After relating my deep pain and sorrow for the lost of my brother and the rage I felt for not having had justice measured out to the accused murder, I was soon on my way to the pharmacy to pick up a variety of antidepressants, anti-psychotics and anti-anxiety medications.
I went from Doxepin to Prozac and then to Zoloft. I took Mellaril, Stellazine, Theothixine, Lorazepam at 2 mg each, Xanax, as well as other medications that I no longer remember or have any records of at this time.
To say that I soon became depersonalized, dissociative and paranoid would be an understatement. Panic attacks mixed with anxiety and high levels of stress were an everyday occurrence. The numbness I felt inside was like being comatose with my eyes and ears open.
As I reflected on all the medications I was taking, I began to wonder how I would ever get any better. My wife suffered a great deal due to the fact that our times of intimacy were becoming more and more infrequent. Our marriage was close to being destroyed after three months of separation.
During this time, I ended up at Audy Murphy Veterans Hospital, in San Antonio, Texas and after two weeks of being there, dealing with my separation and being medicated even further, I left AMA and ended up staying at my parents’ house. My wife and I got back together, and my attempts to maintain steady employment were unsuccessful as, I went through three different jobs in less than three years. This was not any help and my wife and I soon became unable to cope with my deteriorating mental state. At the end of my rope and under the influence of a cocktail mixture of prescribed medications, I took an overdose of Zoloft pills in a desperate cry for an end to the nightmare I was living and having my wife live as well.
I have so many things in common with many of the other stories that I have read on your website, that I feel like I have been redeemed and set free from a prison of severe mental anguish. The thought that I had lost my mind and was, for all practical purposes, insane, was taking its toll. But when I read the accounts of others who were having almost identical mental states, I began to cry and felt like the world was lifted off my shoulders. I wasn’t crazy or insane!
I sought spiritual counseling, and a pastor from a local Baptist church was able to guide me into the truth, that is God and His Word. With a renewed faith in Christ as my Saviour, I have forsaken the entire realm of psychiatric drug therapy.
To those of you who find yourself in a similar situation, I recommend that you put your trust and faith in God, through Jesus Christ, to help you with your problems. He is the only one who can give real deliverance over life’s problems.
May God Bless You as you and your International Coalition for Drug Awareness continues to place some accountability at the feet of those who peddle prescription drugs to millions of unsuspecting patients. Never again will I place my faith in “professional help.” I have a deeper sense of faith in my Creator and His help never fails or does any harm! Praise The Lord!
I grant you permission to publish my story, on the Internet or in the next edition of your book, if you wish. You may use my name and any and all replies may be addressed to “pjarriaga@aol.com”.
Sincerely,
Xavier Ruiz
Years 2000 and Prior
This is Survivor Story number 69.
Total number of stories in current database is 96
