“The nightmare goes on with in me.”
I started Paxil when I was in the middle of a bad divorce. I had a great Doctor and she saw me falling apart. I told her what was going on and My life was not mine any more. I started taking Paxil before Paxil CR came about. I was up to 25mg when started. I was never told about the side effects.
Anyway I started to feel better at 1st but then I had to get off because my Health Insurance changed. I was only on it for 3 months the 1st time. Anyway things got really bad to where I wouldn’t not go out ,and was unable to think right.
My job was on the line. All I wanted to do was die. Then in July 2003 I just couldn’t take much more. Unsure of myself and the things I was thinking about scared me to no end.
I would work over nights so I didn’t have to be alone. I prayed that would keep me from hurting myself. But then it happen July 18 2003 I was told to go home and sleep take your day off and enjoy the sunshine. I told one of the ladies at work I don’t feel right about going home. She said hey you are just over tired. I started to cry and gave her my phone number in chase something happen. She said you will be just fine go and enjoy your day. I wanted to tell her I wanted to die, but just couldn’t bring myself to say it.
I went home looked around and said this is it. I have lost everything I have worked for and I am alone now. Well it was time to end my pain. My son was out of town. I have raised him well. He is out on his own now. Which was hard for me to deal with. But hell, almost 21 yrs old. I need to let him go now. So I made some calls and started to do what my mind was thinking.
And really believe it would be better this way. Well all the Paxil I had left in my apartment and what ever else I could find and two big bottles of wine, I was on my way to peace.
My best Friend talked to me for a few mins, before I blacked out. She didn’t know where I lived, But some how found me. By the time they go here I was on my way!
The next thing I could remember was waking up in the ER. Not knowing why I was there. Well I got locked up and the next day saw my new Doc.
Still feeling very unsure of things and not wanted to take the meds they want to put me on. I had to do as I was told. So here comes Paxil CR and Klonopin. I stayed in the hosp. for 4 days and went to group and saw my Doc again, but something was not right. I still had the thinking of not wanting to live.
He told me that it will take about 14 days for the Paxil CR to start working and I will start to feel better soon. And would see me in a week at his office.
Well I saw him again in a week and I told him I didn’t have the money to pay for Paxil CR. He said he would help me. Ok I trusted him so I got all the free samples I need to have. But after a month everything was the same, so he upped my dose.
And said I will see you in 6 weeks. Went back to see him feeling the same. Things were not getting any better. He upped my dose now taking 25mg plus 12.5 mgs! That gave me a dose of 37.5 well see u in 8 weeks now.
Things got really bad at work and I was not sure what would happen next. Called him on the phone and told him I was in a living hell. He told me to come see him. Well I did and the dose went up to 25 mg 2 times a day and the Klonopin 4 times a day or more as need.
I left his office with a bag full of Paxil CR and called my sister and told this is not right. Something is wrong here. If it is not working then why up the dose.
So I stopped taking the Paxil CR and My body started to break down. Get upset over every little thing. Could not sleep anymore and can not keep my mind on one thing.
I called my mom thinking I was crazy and she looked in to Paxil CR, and told me I shouldn’t have stopped taking it. I need to go back on and go off it slowly.
Well I did just that, but now new things are popping up. I can’t sleep at nite and all my joints in my body hurt. I still can’t keep my head right. And I have been off the Paxil CR and the Klonopin for a few weeks.
I need to know when I will start to feel better. But you know what I find very sad—Is that if my doc knew all this and did not tell me. How can he live with himself. I know my life will get better in time. But I need to know what else will happen to me. I think free samples are great, but I also think we need to know more about the meds we take,. And what are the long term side effect? Had I known what I do now. I would never had taken the Paxil CR.
Thank You for hearing me out. Have a great day. Peace out