Prozac (Heaven + Hell)

“In a period of nine months while taking Prozac I had 11 extremely violent attacks on people.”

 

While suffering a major breakdown following a failed suicide attempt I was committed to a psychiatric hospital where I was first introduced to “Prozac The Wonder Drug” well so I heard. At first it was an evolution to my life, It was like seeing the world in colour for the first time my senses were working over time for the first time in my life I noticed things that I never bothered to take notice of before. I could smell flowers and see butterflies and I didn’t need to know the answers to the universe anymore? I was content, fulfilled, I was just happy to be alive……….so I thought!!!! I

was starting to become fine tuned and focused, a sponge for information. I didn’t need to sleep anymore, things started to become too easy. I was living on 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night than working a 10 to 11 hour day and yet I was producing my best work ever. Next come the dark side the mood swings, the paranoia, the agitation, the uncalculated risks, the violence, the superman syndrome. I couldn’t sit still. To this day I tap my foot constantly like some sort of drug addict. I can’t stand still I become agitated and begin to pace. My moods changes like the wind, “Roses and Thorns”.

I became paranoid, everybody’s watching me, ploys plots and conspiracies which led to embarrassing confrontations. I feared nothing. Before Prozac I had never had a physical fight. In a period of nine months while taking Prozac I had 11 extremely violent attacks on people who had been unpleasant to me or tried to intimidate me including my best friend which I hospitalized. Never before have I displayed such behavior. I was becoming impulsive, thoughts were becoming reality, reality was becoming thoughts. I could no longer differentiate between the constant nightmares, reality and my thoughts, what is real? Did I just dream that? Remember how we were talking about that yesterday? I haven’t seen you since last week and we have never talked about that???? Are you okay????

I started to think everybody was trying to confuse me and make me feel like I was going crazy. I was having memory flash backs which were emotionally overwhelming as if I just lived it over again. Project Prozac was terminated after I found myself holding a kitchen knife walking towards my ex-girlfriend ready to stab her (during an argument). I stopped and realized that it was just a thought passing through my mind one millionth of a second ago and here I am acting out my thoughts on impulse without time for evaluation. This scared the hell out of me. I was losing touch with reality. As a result I no longer took Prozac.

Since Prozac I have been on Cipramil, Arapax and Fluoxetine to name a few. What originally caused my breakdown is nothing in comparison to the impact of these antidepressants on my life. These drugs have totally trashed my life and I will never fully recover.

 

2/4/2001

This is Survivor Story number 11.
Total number of stories in current database is 34

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